an open letter to art garfunkel

dear art -
can i call you Art? or would you prefer Mr. Garfunkel? i've listened to too many of your records for formalities, sir, Art it is.
i grew up on the music you made with Simon. the first record that i listened to obsessively was your 1980 Concert in Central Park album which i absconded from my older sister -- i still remember her name written on the CD (in all lowercase), which i believe was gifted to her by a high school friend. i think it was Tommy Tsai.
i was in 5th grade, and i'm pretty positive that I was the only 11 year old in the greater Tri-Cities area who knew every word to "The Boxer". you were the soundtrack to my personal life, and your music has followed me since my first discovery of yours and Simon's music. i have favorites, i have ones that i skip upon hearing the first chord (namely "Kodachrome" and "I Am a Rock"). because your music released and your breakup was made permanent long before i was born, it became one of my missions in life to get my peers to enjoy your music. i have been mildly successful at this.
i have something to admit, though. to you in particular.
i get annoyed when you sing lead. you are just such a much better harmonizer (usually singing a third above Simon, where you belong) than you are a lead vocalist. this is perhaps why your solo career has been dismal compared to that of your friend Simon. whenever i hear your group's epic masterpiece single "Bridge Over Troubled Water" i enjoy every part until the bridge of the song comes on -- the part that begins, "sail on silvergirl..." it is a nice change of pace that Simon becomes the background vocalist, but i kind of just want the bridge to be over.
now, i don't want to accuse you of riding on Simon's coattails for the entirety of your group's tenure, but is that the reason why you broke up? did you feel emasculated by your bandmates' far superior talent as a leading vocalist? do you think this would've been different had the band been named "Garfunkel and Simon"?
as stated earlier, i lived my childhood with The Concert in Central Park album in tow and at times i could sense your bitterness towards Simon. in one of the speaking intros to your song "American Tune" you mentioned that (i'm paraphrasing from memory here) "This is a song that is one of the only ones in the show that is not a... a Paul Simon tune." what is that supposed to mean? listen to that recording again, Art. your tone is slightly snarky.
i'm assuming now, in 2010, you're a little more adjusted than you were in 1980. it is 30 years later after all. but still, bitter is not a good color on you.
i'm not even going to go into your hair style. that's an entirely different story.
with all that said, i will sing "At The Zoo" to my children. hold that in your heart.
your #1 fan in Generation Y,
Sarah E. Weakley

p.s. to all my readers in the blogging world, listen to more Simon and Garfunkel. go on grooveshark.com and listen to the whole catalogue. simple songwriting, beautiful melodies, well thought out lyrics. i won't give you my favorite songs -- i want to you to come to your own conclusions.

typical

a few things that are typical:
i completely underestimate the amount of time activities take, mostly because i am very overconfident in my planning (this, i imagine, is because i'm inwardly gloating about my ability to make a feasible plan). this makes me 11 minutes late for life.
other times, i forget the simplest details in my attempt to be efficient. (these things range from getting all the way to the train station and forget to have cash in my wallet to pay for my money-saving (and more efficient!) trip in a cab.)
both of these things happened today in the post office. my friends and i at the Loch Raven post office are well acquainted. bulk mailings for work, countless packages mailed to donors, 500 stamps purchased, all timely. but it's the holidays, and the only time for me to get to the post office is during my lunch break. this is of course everyone else's lunch break. the line is out the door.
i have all my christmas presents purchased, the flat rate shipping boxes procured and ready to be filled with wonderful items for my whole family. i got ALL my christmas shopping done for my family and it's the 14th. (read: overconfidence).
i will avoid the hellish line by using the automated postage station that i have come to know and love. so simple, so quick! poor suckers (and old people) waiting in line for 45 minutes because they don't trust technology -- i am brilliant. (read: overconfidence, gloating in head)
i'll avoid this whole line, just grab some packing tape from the wall, pack the boxes up...in five minutes all my packages (and two of joy's) are sent to the west coast.
BALLS.
i can't pay for the packing tape with the automated postage machine. i have overlooked the simple detail of buying my own packing tape at another store, instead opting to quickly grab the most convenient tape around and rabidly put together the boxes. i've epically failed at both planning and being efficient. i stand in line for 30 minutes with a crying baby ahead of me and couldn't help but laugh at myself at my folly. so typical sarah weakley.
the tape cost $3.29. $3.29 and 45 minutes is what it cost to dial my pride down a few notches.

jt

the reasons to love justin timberlake continue to pile up. not only have i loved jt ever since he ditched those other four schmucks and became a solo artist (although i love NSYNC for nostalgia purposes) he was spotted by some paparazzi with an NPR shirt.
since i have now become a full-fledged lover of NPR and the interesting news they report, justin wearing this shirt makes him that much more attractive. i know, i know, we don't need yet ANOTHER reason to think JT is the greatest ever, but here it is.

check out the blog on NPR to see the NPR post "Ten Speculative Reasons Justin Timberlake Might Be Wearing this NPR Shirt"
i hope he's coming out with a new album soon. alyssa, do you know? i count on you for this kind of information.
here's to you, justin. we enjoy your shirt choices.

obligatory thanksgiving post

i won't do a full year wrap up until the first of the year (which will be very epic, i feel). my moves alone are worthy of some sort of self-actualization language. but that's for later.
as most of you know, joy and i went to new york to visit andrew and mo this thanksgiving. it was my first thanksgiving away from home and my first foray into twentysomething holidays: there were eight lovely people there with various connections to andrew (joy and myself), mo his girlfriend (hannah and kelsey) and both of them (drew and drew's girlfriend). best food i've ever had. joy and i decided that choosing thanksgiving with our friend who is the best cook we know was a phenomenal choice.
here's the crew at the table (and yes, i'm behind the camera -- didn't want to deal with the self timer).
i'm thankful for these people - new friends, old friends, and old OLD friend (yes, that's bacon). the thanksgiving day parade made me feel like a little kid, as joy can vouch. i shouted "DORA THE EXPLORER!!! (with that same excitement for every other balloon) and made sure that joy looked over the crowd to take pictures of the floats. looking back at the photos, i'm pretty positive that NO ONE needs 50 pictures of giant balloons. but that's the way it goes. and yes, it did get me into the holiday spirit. here's the rockin animatronic turkey:

i guess this year i'm most thankful for knowing friends who will always be willing to let you sleep on their couch, delicious organic food AND.... tattoo parlors open at all hours and jazz clubs and shuffle board and tiffany earrings and handmade hats and laughs and belgian beer and the east village and the west village and brooklyn and central park and boots and reminiscing and weird music and marzipan and spiked cider and arts and crafts and squash and florists and co-ops that won't let you in and old bosses who text you HAPPY THANKSGIVING and getting lost with joy because we're overconfident in our skills and macy's and balloons and future trips and falafel and self-serve yogurt and gilmore girls marathons and ikea and public transportation and watching joy sleep on public transportation and french press coffee and andrew's communication style and mo and joy tap dancing and good weather and and AND.

friends who always make you feel at home.

if they taught me anything...

living in the south is an experience that i will carry with me for the rest of my life. i still have furniture there, which is really the only remnant of the place i have left, but mostly i will remember the south for being one of the most politically draining experiences of my life. maybe if i lived in columbia or charleston, where there are some more democrats around, or maybe if i didn't happen to work in such a insanely Palin- Joe Wilson-loving work environment, i would appreciate it more. but i didn't.
my biggest complaint was that republicans assumed i was a democrat because i was a young woman from the West, and that i really didn't know much of anything about what the republican party believes. and only, IF ONLY, i would listen to Rush Limbaugh, i would come over to the light side and become a Republican.
well folks, that strategy failed miserably. in fact, it only emboldened my commitment to ALMOST ANYTHING other than the Republican party platform. reading the Times today, I looked at the proposed RNC Resolutions for their winter meeting. The RNC is proposing that if they're constituents don't believe in at least 7 out of 10 items, they will be at risk for not getting money from the RNC. harsh.
After peeking at the Resolutions, I can say that I disagree with every one of them. It's nice to know that I do, in fact, know where i stand in my political beliefs. now i'm not saying i'm 100% jazzed on what's going on with the Democrats, but at least I agree with their basic tenets. (and yes, Dad, i will continue to be pissed about Afghanistan-- check out the most hilarious Onion article about it here). but at least i know i'm not involved with the RNC b.s. blech.
take that South Carolina.

p-town

i haven't posted in a while. i do have substantive things to say, and anecdotes (particularly about my new favorite bagel shop), but my college friend Matt Lamb, the giant discus thrower, posted this picture on facebook taken from WSU's The Daily Evergreen about drinking in Pullman and all the problems that go along with it.
The numbers really speak for themselves, and the last two truly underscore the ridiculousness of my college years.


See, Baltimore is pretty scary sometimes, but at least i don't get assaulted by Chewbacca.

avoid

for the most part, i feel like i do things in an efficient manner. and when i want to do something, i do it. want to go to a concert? i will figure out how to get there and buy tickets for the team. complain you haven't seen me in forever? i'll pick a time to meet. i feel like efficiency is something i'm pretty good at.
efficiency, though, only occurs when i WANT to do something. when i don't want to do something, or feel it would take all too much effort, i am the master avoider. i will put off fixing things that are broken, cooking an actual meal for DAYS at a time, and general household/life maintenance. these avoidances finally got too much for me to handle, so i fixed some. here are these, my least favorite activities that i finally manned-up and got to doing.
- system recovery on my laptop. it's been broken for about two months now, completely out of comission by a nasty terrible virus. i've had this disk (it was the second one i ordered) for over a week. i'm just now getting my computer fixed. mostly because i'm tired of what's on my ipod. and, for those of you i talk to on a regular basis, you never have to hear about my broken computer again! (i hope)
- dealing with pants that are too long. as a short girl, this will always be a struggle. got a phenomenal pair of jeans that were 4 inches too long. yep, 4 inches. rocked the heat n bond hem. i felt domestic.
- changed my billing address with bank of america. once again, they screwed me. i couldn't just change it online, i had to hand write a letter with my signature. this seems like a bush-league operation for BoA.
items that i still haven't done, and have lived here for a month now:
- unclog my drain. yep, it's gross. i know it. i try not to think about it.
- hung up my own shower curtain. i have a cute one, but next to fixing things on my computer, it is my least favorite household activity to do. it always takes too long. i have a shower curtain that sucks and came with my apartment, but i currently have no reason to change it.
- put together: a stool, a side table, a organization thing. all ikea. and, considering the amount of posts i've dedicated to the ikea situation, there no further explanation is needed.

at this point, the only reason i will do these activities is if someone sleeps at my house. and, since i have an air mattress, i feel like these things won't ever get done until i move again.

...so, looks like i'll go to a new coffee shop instead.

here's to avoidance.

from my father, i think

joy walked into my broken-in apartment last week and exclaimed, "this is a sarah apartment now." unsure of what constitutes something being "sarah," i asked her. she responded rather quickly with, "there are just piles of stuff everywhere. and not necessarily in any sort of order. just piles."
i'm not sure what sort of wisdom i can pull out of that statement, and i would be remiss to think that there is an epiphany hidden in that. but i do know that it is completely correct -- i am a woman of piles. Looking around my apartment now, i can count roughly seven or so different piles around the perimeter of my apartment. and here's the problem: i don't want to buy any more STUPID plastic storage containers. (i think this is partly from being scarred from childhood in having to consistently purge and fit things into "one plastic box." i loathed the plastic box.) once something goes in a storage container i will never take it out of there again and will have to buy a replacement for an item that i already own. case in point: handbags.
i have lots of bags - i'm pretty positive that i don't need to buy any more bags for a while, but when i was in greenville i put them in a box in my closet. i couldn't see them, therefore i would get sick of the one i would carry for a couple of months and buy a new one. would i look in the box to see if i had a suitable replacement for the bag i was sick of? nooooo. instead, i would just assume that i didn't already have one that was XYZ -- why? because the bags were hidden from my plain sight.
when things are in piles right in front of my face, i don't need to buy anything else. yes, it might seem claustrophobic to some, and it might seem without rhyme or reason (now why would there be a pile containing a flashlight, a box of checks, a still broken laptop, AND a paula abdul tape? it's the pile of misfit items, of course) -- but this lets me know i have all i need. consider it a practice in frugality.
also, i think it might be genetic: i have only dared go into steve-o's office a few times, and that man has more piles of strategically placed paper than i have ever seen. i think some have been there since 1995.
now that seems logical to me.

another reason...

...to love baltimore:
the club we went to on saturday night played Whitney's, "I Wanna Dance with Somebody." joy, being the amazing friend she is, came up to me and some schmuck at the bar and said, "i don't care if you're getting a free drink, we're dancing right now."
we danced and sang to Whitney, i explord a new neighborhood that is excellent for weekends, i got nicknamed, and i only spent $20.
a great success.

when i grow up

i have jobs, and this makes me very very happy. most importantly, i managed to pull together this baltimore scheme without having to work in retail. this, for me, is a big deal.
the biggest job i have is with ASTT: Advocates for Survivors of Toture and Trauma. they are doing amazing counseling and social services for those who came to the U.S. to seek asylum from war torn countries and trauma situations (think Darfur and Guatemala, for example.) i'll be the development assistant, which helps my boss molly do the day to day stuff with funder relations, fundraising, newsletter, event planning, advocating, etc. this is exactly what i want to do when i grow up. well, my boss' job is what i want to be when i grow up. but i'll get there.
check out the great work that they do: www.astt.org
i'm also doing a small project internship with Unity Productions Foundation, a media company that makes movies about Muslims and Islam to help facilitate interfaith and interethnic dialogue, hoping to increase understanding of Islam in America and gain peace through the media. a totally necessary organization in this political climate. i'm writing a report to a funder about how we spent their money to finish the film Inside Islam: What a Billion Muslims Really Think.
check out their website too, it's really interesting work they're doing: www.upf.tv

i heart working in organizations doing good.

this and that for now

finally moved in (almost) to my little apartment. sometimes it's so stereotypical city apartment i can't deal with it: the stove is from 1950, my "back door" goes to the roof and then to the fire escape with really steep stairs that joy hates, there is ALWAYS a siren going off, and i'm not sure if the overhead light works. it's lovely. and it's mine.
i also successfully went to ikea today, the grocery store, and worked for fluor for 2 1/2 hours. i feel very good about these accomplishments.
signed up for the GRE again, too. october 30...let's hope i can not suck it up big time on the quantitative again.
oh, and you all should watch this clip from the daily show that andy sent me that is brilliant:
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thedailyshow.com%2Fwatch%2Fthu-october-1-2009%2Ftea-partiers-advise-g20-protesters&h=d16c530a4064f2ebe800e6b256bb32e8

rerun

i feel like not long ago i told a short tale about struggling to put my ikea furniture together. well folks, here it is in reverse: now i'm struggling taking apart my ikea furniture and then figuring out how the hell to get it in storage in one piece for at least a few months. i had to get tarps for everything from the u-haul place (thanks, aunt danielle), and in typical sarah weakley fashion i failed miserably at purchasing the right size/amount of tarps and covers for my furniture. so...i have to go back to the store tomorrow (hopefully not to be greeted by the u-haul guy who asked for my phone number while getting rung up...that would be awkward, to say the least), and get just the straight up roll of plastic wrap and do a little wrapping of furniture and cushions ala christmas. thankfully, i am relatively competent in my skills in that arena, as i have wrapped the majority of the presents for both my father and brother since at least 1997 (when i took that role over from brelin).
getting a storage unit of my own today made me feel very adulty. i think this is proof of society making us believe we're more of adults the more shit we've aquired. frankly, i could chuck it all and be fine with it, save the bed. (yes folks, a pillow top matters) other than that, i bought cheap furniture because i'm cheap and i don't particularly care. i still regret the damn dining room table i never sat on -- there's really no point in me having a dining room table, as i don't cook and my dinners consist of cereal or a bagel. repasts nowhere near worthy of a table and four chairs (one of which ended up being drafted as my side table in my bedroom). but i digress.
mostly, though, all of this is a pain in the neck but this is yet another one of those adventures i've had that makes me feel like more of the person i'm going to be for a good long while. yes, i will be the person who sometimes takes "the path of least resistance" in the words of my mother, i will probably end up being a single person who doesn't see much use for a dining table or television, and i am a person who would rather do it herself. these traits can be good and bad, of course. but at least i'm starting to figure out a little bit of who i am. even if it just has to do with assembling and reassembling ikea furniture.

notes for the team:
- took the gre's today and ended up squarely in the middle. i'm most likely taking them again in october when i have more than four hours to study for them.
- offically leaving this state in 6 days. hallelujah.
- i have two interviews with non-profits when i get into town! one on monday the 5th and one on tuesday the 6th. hopefully one of them likes me.
- no more work in that cube. ever. (but, they have no replacement for me so i'm working remotely for a bit. free laptop, holla. which is good, considering my personal one is busted and the system recovery disk hasn't come yet...awesome.)
- shed a tiny tear when i said goodbye to my boss fran. he's my surrogate preppy dad at oconee.

press release

if i blogged every time there was a new development with the baltimore situation, i would have to start tweeting (and I will never tweet voluntarily. if i am paid to tweet, that's another story). i would also never leave the computer or get anything logistically done in a day regarding my move.
the bullets:
- waiting to hear back on an application and deposit i put down on a studio apartment in Charles Village right by Johns Hopkins. they'll get back to me tomorrow, i imagine. they want my money.
- after a slight snafu, i have to now transfer my Bank of America money from WA to a SC account. unfortunately, the WA, ID, and CA systems of BoA aren't aligned. this equals hours on the phone with customer services reps who keep repeating, "well, we can't see your washington information." I KNOW, THAT'S WHY I CALLED YOU, i want to say. use my life as a warning for your own.
- going to court friday about a really stupid expensive ticket for nudging a car. that guy was so lame.
- applying for jobs in Baltimore/D.C. like mad.
- as of now, i have 76 hours left at my job. it's getting to the point of counting down hours, after yet another snarky comment about liberals from a co-worker. the Obama shirt on the last day will be well, well worth it.

onward and upward

well folks, the AmeriCorps jobs didn't work out. that's just the way it goes sometimes. i guess i was too late signing up and all that stuff. the upside of all of this is that it finally kicked my ass into gear to do something about my life.
so i'm moving. yep, moving.
my lease is up on october 10, so i'm just gonna go to baltimore and live there until grad school. find a job, maybe take online courses (maybe not) and be happy. i'm only 22 once. yes, it will be hard, and yes, it might suck for a little while. but i'm going. i'm doing. i cannot afford to be unhappy in this place any longer. and hopefully i'll get to see joy once a week (at least on sundays).
so yep, now's the part where i plan it all out. i'm madly applying for any job in the area and hopefully will get one before i leave. if not, i'll find one.
taking the GREs here in greenville on the 26th of september, too. wish me luck. i'll be doing too many math practice problems to worry about much.
i'm excited/nervous/thrilled about my plan.

wisdom from the a-train

andy (gangsta nickname a-train) and i have been emailing back and forth from work lately and he's finally caught up on all my AmeriCorps stuff/general disdain for my current job/impatience.
while discussing the idea that most people are afraid to just go out there and do what they want to do because it's not "fiscally responsible" (note: none of these people are my close friends) he said the following. i think it's hilarious, uplifting, and soooo andy:

"i say go for it, you'll be worrying about money your whole life. besides, the US will be bankrupt and the stock market will probably ruin your 401k if you start saving now anyways. let's be real for a change. wasn't it nietzsche who said, 'live dangerously'?
probably a bad example because nietsche died insane, alone, and with syphilis. but you get the drift."

so wise.

solace

i'm freaking out, and it's literally only been a little over a week until i decided on this AmeriCorps adventure. an update:
- found out i needed another essay and self-reflection letter for a whole slew of positions in Baltimore. finished the essay and stuff, emailed it on Wednesday night, and waiting to get my transcripts and background check from Washington. now that i add the essay and transcripts to the application, i feel WAAAAAY better about it. i'm hoping to hear back sometime next week from them. their positions begin on September 6th, so i know that they're looking to hire people soon. woot.
that's the news about the job. in order to placate this massive amount of stress that is admittedly completely caused by my own brain, i have found a remedy that seems to work well.
Whitney Houston.
some people find solace in food, some in running 12 miles (gross)...i have found it in Whitney. don't ask me why. but, dancing and trying to belt out "So Emotional" has not only gotten me through the work week that continues to blow, but has also calmed me down. i remember that it's only been a little over a week and that i'm very qualified. and that i'm much better at tutoring kids than singing like Whitney Houston.
also, things could be worse: i could've been married to Bobby Brown and on crack. so there's that.
on a side note: i hope that Whitney has a rockin comeback. she's so freakin good.
side note 2: go to www.grooveshark.com and you can listen to any song you want any time. listen to "So Emotional" and dance around. an oft-forgotten Whitney stunner.

impatience

once again, i feel one of my greatest character flaws has reared its ugly head once again. impatience has now overtaken my life after my ROCKIN weekend in baltimore with ms. b.

i've applied to now 7 official AmeriCorps positions in the DC/Baltimore area, and i want to go back so desperately, mostly because joy thinks i'm funny :) it was so refreshing to be with someone who knows you, where you don't have to continually feel like you're explaining yourself, where it's ok to be who you are. it's liberating.

i got back at midnight last night to arise at 445 this morning - needless to say, everyone at work noticed. when i checked myself in the mirror at work i thought i had mascara smeared under my eyes...but no, the dark circles didn't go away. and i was working on the monthly turd -- making me even more antsy than usual. there was a small part of me that wanted to make the grand "i quit" gesture. but that would be foolish, as i would be waiting around in greenville for an AmeriCorp position for who knows how long. as i was telling brelin earlier in discussing my waiting around for my application to get reviewed and then get a call : i really hope this Oprah "power of positive thinking" bullshit works. because if it does, i'm golden.

i feel qualified. i feel like i would be a good candidate for these jobs. it's not like i applied to become a financial analyst. but i have no idea how many people applied for each position, which does not help me gauge my cofidence in any way. could someone just give me a rough estimate? then i can know how hopeful to be.

yes, this is all i've thought about all day. and will continue to think about until i hear anything back from these jobs. it is maddening.

not just a teacher

i usually go to yoga classes about 4 times a week if i'm lucky. i've gotten to the point now where i have a good system in place where i have planned the week around these events. tuesdays and thursdays are saved for liz from 7-8:30-- her classes are always a staple. she co -owns the studio with her husband brian, who founded the place about 4 years ago. i had never taken one of his classes because it was always a little too early and i couldn't make it home because of my freakishly long commute to work at a job i don't enjoy. but that is a side note.
today, though, i went to his class. i left work early (don't worry mom, i'm not charging for that hour) and decided to take a stab at brian's class. it is the same style as liz's class i LOVE and i need to switch up my life.
it was awesome. a lot of the same poses, but more intense. i can't feel any muscles in my body at the moment, and it is difficult to lift my arms (think John McCain waving).
the metaphor i use is this:
let's say it's 1985 and you've decided you want the most rockin perm on the block. you get out of the salon feeling less than good about it -- not your best decision, and clearly it shows you're not putting your all into salvaging this hair scenario. liz (tuesday and thursday teacher) is your best friend who looks at you and says, "oh sweetie...that's no good. but here, let's fix it." she is calming, she will help you breathe through this stress. she makes you feel like a million dollars, even though you look like a giant pile. brian (the teacher today) is your best friend who goes, "dear GOD what happened?! your hair looks like shit...get over here, let's fix this mess. you're doing fine, just breathe...there we go." you're still getting your hair fixed, but you're thinking about what you can do and trying perhaps a little harder yourself. no need to be placated-- you don't need that crap.
the same message gets across, the same muscles get worked, and yet a whole new perspective.
sometimes i need to be reminded that change is good - even if i end up waving like McCain.

boredom

my boss, fran (short for francis) is one of the coolest people ever. he also is a great affirmer and is well aware that i'm ditching Fluor for grad school next year: because of this he tries to convince me to stay in this business. he likes to say things like, "i know you're going to be good at anything you do, but you have a great mind for this business." this is why i love my boss.
but for those who think it's crazy for me to leave this cushy job where i get paid a lot, i wish i could recite to them a part of the first two paragraphs of one of my favorite books, "And Then We Came to the End" :

"We were fractious and overpaid. Our mornings lacked promise. At least those of us who smoked had something to look forward to at ten-fifteen. Most of us liked most everyone, a few of us hated specific individuals, one or two people loved everyone and everything. Those who loved everyone were unanimously reviled. We loved free bagels in the morning. They happened all too infrequently. Our benefits were astonishing in comprehensiveness and quality of care. Sometimes we questioned whether they were worth it. We thought moving to India might be better, or going back to nursing school. Doing something with the handicapped or working with our hands. No one ever acted on these impulses, despite their daily, sometimes hourly contractions. Instead we met in conference rooms to discuss the issues of the day....

Is this boring you yet? It bored us every day. Our boredom was ongoing, a collective boredom, and it would never die because we would never die."

while that is rather dour, it is true for many days i walk into my cubicle. it doesn't matter how many affirmations i get, how many pats on the back from management for the bane-of-my-existence monthly report...it is boredom. plain and simple. and Joshua Harris says it all too well.

i'm always trying to look on the bright side, and don't worry, i'm not going to quit tomorrow. that's for a year from now or so. but i just had to share.

i have no specific stories of note, but rather some musings and questions that have arisen in my life lately:

i stood at the copier, copying purchase orders for a project...there were at least 50. it took 7 HOURS. this is further evidence that i need to get the heck out of here.

stevie nicks rocks. my friend griffin says she sounds alarmingly like an malaysian pop singer, but she is great. i heard her song with don henley "leather and lace" on the radio randomly and got pissed every time don henley came on.

related to the musing above: i'm pretty sure that anything don henley released after the eagles should be banned. that, and ANYTHING BY ROD STEWART. i immediately break out in profanity only saved for dick cheney.

it doesn't matter for how long or how little you stay in a subway: you will smell like bread for the rest of the day. i would rather be honey oat than parmesan oregano. what would you be?

i've decided that i can't live in the south any longer than possible. it's not them (you) it's me.

i've discovered through yoga that i have extremely loose joints. this means my balance sucks and i can hyperextend just about everything all the time. awesome.

i'm jazzed to go visit joy in baltimore august 7th. woo!!!!

i'm tired of people saying sonya sotomayor is biased. reading the live blog of all the hearings, she is clearly not and she seems to be boring some. even lindsay graham said she would have to have a "complete meltdown" in order to not get confirmed, and this coming from a guy who defended Gov. Mark Sanford. come on. maureen dowd's column on this today was excellent http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/15/opinion/15dowd.html?_r=1, especially the part about the "GOPs shame spiral." love it. and the title "White Man's Last Stand" is just smart.

because of my job, it is becoming more clear that i am as updated on current events as ever. hours in front of a computer and the times online will do that for you.

this state is also making me more liberal...so i guess that's a silver lining.

i would go get my MPA at university of oregon just for their website. it's so pretty. i will put a little more thought into it, i guess.

still

*Warning* (added after completing post) This is my occasional political rant after being reminded how messed up this all is. I do not intend to start a debate here, I merely want to remind all 3-ish dutiful readers to join me in my frustration. Thank you.

hello all -- in case you, like most of the people i live with in south carolina, forgot: we're still in iraq.
yes, we're finally pulling troops out and baghdad was FINALLY given over to the iraq army. but we're still there. and i'm still pissed about it. i try, oh yes i try, not to be too political, but i've decided to forego that option in my life until i am legally forced to keep my beliefs to myself (if it comes to that).
i, along with many, am happy we're leaving iraq and continue to be worried about afghanistan. i worry because this president (who i am a fan of overall, obviously) has ramped up afghanistan operations. i'm afraid of not just americans dying, but all people dying. is there no value to a human life? i guess it matters what you are. i don't think i'm the only one who's mad here.
sometimes in the south, though, it makes me wonder if anyone in the red part of this state i'm living in is pissed. when we were in subway at lunch and forced to watch Fox News with (your friend and mine!) Dick Cheney blathering about Obama making America "less safe," a coworker said to me after my knee jerk response of "Dick Cheney is the antichrist" (it happens frequently): "well, at least when Cheney was in office we knew the terrorists weren't winning." because that statement clearly ends the conversation.
the biggest question i have after a statement like that is: HOW DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO'S WINNING AND LOSING?
clearly there really is no way to judge, as the iraq quagmire has gone on for 6 more years than necessary and afghanistan is getting worse by the day.
and people are dying. for what? for what?
i was thankfully reminded to be pissed again by this blurb from AP in the Times Today about the number of American deaths in Iraq http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/07/05/us/AP-US-Iraq-US-Deaths.html
now i understand why my dad still gets mad every time Vietnam or Nixon is brought up. i'm going to be mad for a long time too about this, assuming that the world won't end before i can tell my kids about this.
i at least know steve-o's with me.

aunt mary

i'll give you a run down on my freaking phenomenal colorado trip in the near future, but i forgot to tell everyone this little gem of information.

my aunt mary kicks ass.

she goes to one of those pretty big churches around here. not particularly my style, but they sing nice songs about jesus and i try to imagine that i'm outside at camp lutherhaven or my brother is attempting to sing next to me. that helps. i like to go because the music is great, and worship has always been about music for me; but i do have a confession. sometimes i get distracted.

there is a cute guitar player. this is the part of the worship where i totally feel like a little teenage girl at camp and stop listening to the music. instead i think about him being my boyfriend. but unlike teenage girls at camp, i squint my eyes to the stage to see if he has a ring on his left finger, which he DOESN'T (score). this is a skill i'm getting extremely good at. my friend mara, who i visited in colorado, was amazed at my ability to spot a married man. it's a gift.

so i showed up to mary's house the other sunday because i was hungry and didn't want to cook dinner and she informed me that she is trying to set me up. WITH THE HOT GUITAR PLAYER. here's the thing though -- i hadn't told a soul about the semi church crush on the guitar player, mary just happened to think that he would be someone i would like. it's true though, typical sarah type: church guy, guitar player, kinda scruffy, skinny, tallish. soooo typical. and so great.

i thought it would end there. i figured that mary was merely talking to the secretary that works with him (he's the assistant worship pastor) and mentioned me, assuming that would be the end of it. mary apparently is not giving up. i asked her today about it, just to be funny and razz her a little bit for it, and she informed me that she WROTE AN EMAIL ABOUT ME to the secretary that is going to pass it to hot guitar player. i still don't know his name, but i'm guessing the entire church office will soon know mine.

i'm not really concerned about it and i honestly don't think i will ever meet this guy (my charm doesn't come across as well on paper), but the best part is when i asked mary what my selling point was. she said,

"i basically wrote that you're not a southern girl, but you clean up well. i didn't mention the tattoo. that should be a good thing. he doesn't seem like he likes the southern type, given his appearance."

at least i clean up well, dirty hippie that i am. thanks, mary :)

music schizophrenia

once again, friday i didn't work (i slept for 11 hours, proof that i normally wake up at an ungodly hour) and moseyed to my coffee shop, coffee underground. i have mentioned before that i enjoy this place because it reminds me of the northwest, although clearly not in the expeditious fashion of bringing beverages to you. regardless, i also enjoy it because all the music is chosen my the baristas. unlike the same cd that plays in every starbucks you go into (which i'm surprised doesn't make the baristas want to put their head on a pike), the customers get a little taste of who the baristas are.

in moscow, the coffee shop where this practice was most prevalent was one world cafe. courtney would usually play some feminist rants (ala fiona apple), sarah would rock with usually some chill pink floyd or zeppelin, and evan (our favorite gay barista) would destroy all hopes of studying with a ridiculous dance-electronica nightmare. and yes, he made sure to play the britney spears album as soon as it came out.

this led andy and i to check out who was behind the counter before we decided to stake our studying claim at one of the tables. if it was evan, it was sisters' brew for us (which i've already discussed would play this weirdest elevator musak ever).

in this way it's exciting to go to coffee underground. friday, though, the music was frenetic at best.

i didn't manage to write down all the songs, but they would switch from 90s to oldies to 80s and back again, with zero regard for genre continuity. it went from "the heat is on" by glen frey (ugh) to a chuck berry song to "maniac" from the flashdance soundtrack (trivia: name the artist) and then to something by hootie. it was quite possibly the oddest string of songs put together in one half hour block...and yet i couldn't leave.

the music was so distracting, so mysterious, that i had to keep listening. i was done with my iced tea (which means i had been there for no less than two hours) and i had no other grad schools to peruse, but yet i was grouted to my chair. i have the same feeling when i see a large woman in tight leopard print clothing: you want to leave, yes, you want to run and hide...but you can't. maybe there will be disaster. maybe the woman might literally FALL OUT of her ensemble, and maybe the next song the barista plays will be german death-metal and the old southern women in the coffee shop will revolt.

now i understand fully why the ipod shuffle was invented.

BBQ

well kids, i'm staying her through the end of the year. that means if you have any funds, you should come visit. the fall will be really pretty.

yesterday my lunch consisted of BBQ pork sandwich with hot sauce, macaroni and cheese, fried okra (my first time, not too bad), a couple hush puppies (also delicious), and UNsweet tea. in greer, SC. don't look it up, it's not a destination.

i went to a BBQ on memorial day and saw my first whole pig being roasted in a cinder-block contraption. yep, the whole pig. teeth bared, eyes still there. the middle cut open ad splayed out. it was only a 55-pounder. apparently they usually do the 100-pounder. as a southern-BBQ virgin, my friend griffin gave me the first piece cut right from wilbur.

my word it was delicious. the flavoring was n.carolina style BBQ, with simply vinegar, cider, and red pepper flakes. best meat i have ever eaten. i cannot be a vegetarian here. it's that simple.

and yes, i'm starting to like it here. (the BBQ helps).

tootie

well folks, it's not even officially summer weather here in SC, but i'm already feeling impending hair-doom. right now it's 80 degrees and overcast, which means all the humidity in the air just hangs out and destroys your coiff. while never being a huge fan of hair products in general, i have now become a convert. max hold hairspray seems to be one of the only ways to control the half straight-half frizz hair that i have from complete frizz out.

my biggest fear in this situation: looking like tootie from the facts of life to refresh your memory: my word. at least i don't have the headgear.

green Necco wafers taste like Pine-Sol smells

the next time i visit home, i will try not to hit 4 cities that are at least 2 hour drives from one another. i was so freakin exhausted when i got back to my apartment, i just checked my mail yesterday. that is pathetic.

but while i was home i remembered just how great everyone was: when you're away from those people that know you best for long periods of time and you're surrounded by people that still inhabit the, "if i say this, will this person think I'm _________?" zone of friendship, it gets tiring. it was great to remember that there are some people around that will always get it. they will always think you're funny, they won't make you feel self-conscious or a terrible person for being a DEMOCRAT, and they will love you in the silences.

one person i didn't see enough of was my dad, good ole steve-o. because he was shuttling between new orleans and d.c., all i saw him was for andy's commencement in idaho (what a terribly boring and painful situation) and it was then that i remembered just how goofy (read: awesome) he is.

number 1: he dozed off at least 7 times during graduation with the same look he has when the sermon has gone on for 20 minutes too long. he folds his hands in his lap as his body language says he's listening...but the eyes are closed. like i said to him, "another graduation, another nap."

number 2: he and i both hate the same public speakers. the commencement speaker, representative walt minnick, started off talking about the state of idaho and veered quickly onto nuclear weapons (both iran and n.korea were name-dropped) and then continued to randomly add famous people into the speech, as if that was going to make it any less painful. every time another random person was mentioned (ex: Jonas Salk) dad would quip, "ah-- another idahoan." classic steve-o. pop also mentioned that although nuclear weapons were mentioned, the Boogeyman that naturally follows the nuclear arms talk was merely implied.

(note-- as the whole family is aware, i, along with all friends, was very hungover at the ceremony. when i get hungover i laugh at the drop of a hat and am not able to control the tears of laughter that come streaming down my face. just seeing my dad in all his ridiculous glory made me convulse and smear my makeup).

but i digress. number 3: my dad busted out a roll of Necco wafers he bought in Dusty specifically for this event. i am pretty positive he is still the only person who eats this particular candy, and he FREAKIN LOVES THEM. i was telling my uncle greg about this, and he had no idea what they were. point proven.

number 3a: while eating the Necco wafers, he offered some to both myself and alyssa, and did the typical hand the pack/quickly draw it back move common with grandpas. although he is not yet a grandpa, the sheer fact he does this AND eats Necco wafers is proof that he will be an awesome one. thus began my makeup smearing. i also predict that he will be the old guy at church that goes up to little kids and says, "i got your nose." it's only a matter of time-- and i am waiting with bated breath for it.

home

i'm heading back to washington for a week in less than twelve hours.
i have never been so excited to be cold and possibly rainy.
people there just get it.

quandry

after 4 days of the modem/installation CD in a box, 1 day of installation CD in computer, and 1 hour on the phone after 12 hours of work today, i finally have internet at my house. this not only affirms the fact that i will never be able to set up electronic equipment without the aid of a qualified individual (although the directions are meant for 12 year olds), but now also instills the fear of unplugging my computer. i want to get a wireless router so i can move my computer from the dining room table (which i was able to put together, hooray me!), but i honestly don't think my heart can handle another week of this crap. i also am afraid of taking my computer to another location. very afraid.
what is also disheartening is that i now have no real need to go to the coffee shop downtown, which means i am not forced to stare longlingly at the hot barista(s). there's a part of me that will miss that.

bass

i'm awaiting the arrival of my car - Blue Steel - from Washington. apparently it was picked up last night and hopefully will get here within the next two weeks. they didn't really give the best estimate of time to my parents, so we'll see what happens. i hope that it comes before i head to the northwest.

since then i've been driving a Jeep, my uncle's Jeep to be exact. it is bright yellow. it gets terrible gas mileage. i am not a Jeep person, i've decided. but, you take what you can get. it's stereo system is also a little wacky. apparently greg bought the Jeep from a kid who decided to put giant subwoofers in the back and a touch-screen (really?!) faceplate. needless to say, i inadvertantly press the wrong thing on a daily basis. i also can't particularly figure out how to turn the bass down, so it is very loud.

it doesn't help that the Jeep is yellow and i am a young person, but the bass has caused many a dirty look from older folks. when i feel like i'm listening to the radio at a reasonable volume, it sounds like the outside of a fun friday circa 1999 and "Miami" by Will Smith is being blared at full blast. or, the outside of the Rollarena...basically ever. so there i am, sitting at a stoplight listening to the radio for a song that i love- necessitating FULL volume - and another dirty look comes my way. "stupid kids..." i bet they say. the bass is blaring, i can't figure out how to turn it down and at this point i've stopped caring. "those kids and they're hip-hop crap..."

no no, oh no. i'm blaring "Red Red Wine" by UB40. ima balla.

share

although english major i may be, i was never one of those who would lock myself away and read ancient copies of Poe or write term papers for months about vampires in 19th century lit. just not my bag.
but, i love poetry. i don't consider myself extremely well read in the genre at all and i couldn't recite any really good poem, but poems are great because they make you think. they also, more than any other writing, make me stop and breathe for a bit. i know that i mentioned kay ryan in a post last july about writer's workshops that people got a little hyped up about, but i never really put down any of her poetry. it's really good, and the words are chosen just perfectly. this is one of my favorites (and yes, it made me cry)

THINGS SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD
A life should leave
deep tracks:
ruts where she
went out and back
to get the mail
or move the hose
around the yard;
where she used to
stand before the sink,
a worn-out place;
beneath her hand
the china knobs
rubbed down to
white pastilles;
the switch she
used to feel for
in the dark
almost erased.

Her things should
keep her marks.
The passage
of a life should show;
it should abrade.
And when life stops,
a certain space—
however small —
should be left scarred
by the grand and
damaging parade.
Things shouldn't
be so hard.

favorite line: by the grand and/damaging parade. and the china knobs rubbed down to white pastilles. mmmm....

i know, i know

at this point y'all probably think that i'm never going to write on my blog again. well, YOU were wrong.
i don't have internet at my apartment yet (i literally just have one twin bed that looks very camp lutherhaven-style)...and that's it. i still don't know if i want to get a tv, mostly because i think i can live without it. and it's another thing to buy and THEN keep paying for.
the more exciting news is that i'm going to start tutoring again! ever since i stopped working at WSU, i've really been missing the whole idea of doing something GOOD for people. after working for a company like Fluor for two months, i don't think i'm really cut out to be an executive. i can't see how they truly believe they're doing any good for people. there's really no tangible evidence of goodness by making productivity betterment initiatives and writing nonconformance reports. i'm not saying these are not bad people, and maybe those executives are more sophisticated than me: they can come up with some abstract reason why they really are making a difference. they don't have to see it, they just know.
well, i don't. i have to be able to not only see the lightbulb going off, i have to be talking people, teaching people. doing something. i know that when it's all said and done i'm going to be a teacher. i just don't know quite how i'm going to get there. but, really, i don't usually do things in the most direct way. much like my writing, sometimes my life goes around and around the fence and only SOMETIMES finds the gate.
so, i finally got my patootie in gear and called the Greenville Literacy Association. i went yesterday and observed a pre-GED social studies group. i'll be in training for 8 hours over the next two weeks and then i'll be teaching Adult Basic Ed/ pre-GED courses! at this point i think i want to do writing, reading, or social studies. but, if they need me to rock the fractions class, i will.
the need here is great too. south carolina has the highest high school drop out rate, which makes me upset because the damn governor won't take the stimulus money to maybe even attempt to give any money for a good cause (google him, it's ridiculous). so yeah, i'm feeling good about that. filling up my time with a lot of stuff. still adjusting to everything here (yikes) and look forward to making new friends.
mostly though, i like the students at Greenville Literacy. they're democrats. they get it.

a comfy spot

it's friday and i'm not at work! my boss and the other guy in my group are currently driving in myrtle beach so i don't really have anything to do at work today. so, i got to sleep in until 9 today! woo hoo!
i still currently don't have a place to call my own home yet. i have a few apartment places i'm going to call today about leases, but the big question is if i'll be able to do a month to month thing. or, how much it will cost to break a lease. it would be nice to just get a job in GV (that's greenville from now on, by the way team) permanently, but i'm still happy as a clam just being here until july too. i'll be getting more work with the contracting part of the project, so i guess i'll be learning more about proposals and stuff. doesn't sound exciting to you, probably, but i'm looking forward to it. and, that means i'd work closely with the HOT contracts administrator. booya. we shall see.
it's raining here today-- seattle rain but about 55 degrees and a little balmy. i love it. everyone else hates it, but if you have a sweet Marmot jacket things cannot go wrong (big ups to bre for helping me pick out the jacket). i'm also currently in an underground coffee shop with my computer, my headphones, a book, and an americano.
best. morning. ever.

i'll keep y'all (hehe) posted on the address situation. currently i live in my friend betsy's spare room and out of the jeep. what an adventure.

what's important

big miscommunication with the new roommate, so i don't have a place to live as of now. i'm thinking of just getting an apartment by myself. it will be less stressful, i imagine. we'll see what's easiest at this point.
i'm taking care of the two most terrible yappy chihuahua's ever.
what's really important, though.
neil is getting deployed to afghanistan. i cried. i want him to be ok.

the curious case of liturgically-colored Jell-O

i was out at the weirdest breakfast restaurant with my friend Betsy last sunday. it was called "Tommy's Hamhouse" (yep, i'm officially in the South) and it was odd: it was right across the parking lot from a Baptist Church, and inside was alarmingly reminiscent of a cafeteria/huge church potluck/spaghetti feed. there were booths, yes, just like a regular restaurant, but the entire middle of the restaurant just had long plastic tables and those metal chairs with the vinyl seats added. the restaurant was so popular that they needed to add it. here's senator DeMint hangin out with the owner. check out the background. oh, and that guy is Tommy, as in Tommy's Ham House.

phenomenal. my gut reaction was to first look for the fried chicken my pastor would always bring (and of course they had fried chicken) and then run to the dessert table to check out the peanut butter bars that blanche used to make and what type of Jell-O would be served.

i was describing this to Betsy and she mentioned to me that Jell-O is just not a popular dessert/side dish item in the South. in the summer she said that it melts to easy, which i understand. what i could not understand is that she was unaware that you can put just about anything into Jell-O. i explained the cranberry-orange Jell-O mold that my mom would make for Thanksgiving for a few years (by the way, where did that disappear to, Mom? it was a fan favorite) and the church ladies who would match the vegetables/fruit to the color of Jell-O served. while i still won't eat Jell-O with vegetables in it, you really can't go wrong with strawberries and sprite in Jell-O. holy crap that's good.

and Brelin, she was mortified when i told her the mayonnaise in the green Jell-O mold story from your childhood. she said something to the effect of, "GodA'Mighty that's just unnatural."

i got home from Greenville last weekend and needed to go to the store. i made a bee-line to the Jell-O: sugar free, only 10 calories. i moved out of my apartment in seneca yesterday and ate three cups in rapid succession, guilt-free and blissful.

unfortunately though, it was red, for pentecost. i just can't bring myself to eat grape Jell-O.

moving!

hey team, i'm moving to an actual city. no more living in seneca, SC below john and peg. i'm in greenville every weekend anyhow, so i'm just going to move there. i'm going to live with a sweetheart boy named taylor.
and, i'm saving lots of money by living with him in an actual house! in a city!
sorry for the overuse of exclamation marks, i'm used to overpunctuation nowadays. it seems like the big boss just puts a comma whenever he's writing and gets interrupted in the middle of the sentence.
and they said teaching international college students english 101 wouldn't be useful in my career. pshaw.

ira

i wish i remember more hilarious witty things that ira glass said on saturday night, but just know he was awesome. if you listen to TAL, you already love him. if you don't, you should listen. he talked about what makes a good story and he said this: "you know what's destroyed good stories? THE TOPIC SENTENCE...and that was just a topic sentence. i can't get away from it!"
i loved it. i love the way that he chronicled the way he came up with This American Life, why he chose to do the show the way he does, and he did all the music and clips right there. the best thing ever is when he would click on a piece of dialogue on his right side: he would lift his arm back, float his hand down to the switchboard dangling there, and touch the button for dialogue just like you would putting your finger in the baptismal font. so elegant. lovely.
the question/answer time was awesome. when asked who is the worst person to interview he said, "hilary clinton...i mean, i'm joking. but yes, i don't like her. it seems like every time she talks she's just utterly humorless. which i don't understand because bill is so funny. but i heard her talk years ago, i made that judgment and she will never redeem herself in my mind."
there's one This American Life, the only one that has a celebrity voice, that has johnny depp on it reading for a boy who has a voicebox. when asked how ira got johnny depp to be on the show, without skipping a beat: "i banged him."
and THAT is why ira glass is awesome.

for my avid reader

because my mother seems to be the most avid reader of my blog, this one's for you.

i was at work today, in the bathroom (i know, weird reference, stay with me mom) and i thought of my mother. the bathroom had flooded the first week i got there because the toilet was broken and i got very annoyed. "how could anyone not realize the toilet was going to overflow with the rinse-water action?" bah! so annoying. because of that, i had to thank my mom for teaching me a lot. so here it is, in random order, not a full list, and omitting some of the normal mom-teaching stuff.

things my mom has taught me:

-about a toilet. how to fix it, plunging action (which came in handy at camp 07 when i saved the women's restroom in the RC), how to stop the toilet that's overflowing.
-how to hem a pair of pants. while mom thinks that i hate it, it is actually not too shabby to know that i can do this. considering i am very short, it works. also came in handy when i dated a man who was 5'5" and needed his tuxedo pants hemmed.
-to wrap a present. and not some lame rinky-dink version. the real deal, perfect creases, the whole nine yards. i'm pretty sure that my father hasn't wrapped a present himself since my mom taught me how. so...that's about 13 years.
-how to check my oil. driving the reliant k back in the day, it came in handy. i think i could do it now, even though it has been a while.
-birch trees grow best in groups of three.
-taping is the most important part of a paint job, and "cutting in" to the wall makes or breaks the paint experience. don't take the tape off too early...rookie mistake.
-you should turn down the radio when you're having a conversation with someone (mostly an older person ) in the car. i still get annoyed that mom does this when i'm talking to her, but now i am beginning to realize that no one really wants you to yell at them in the car.
-always try and have a job. you're smart, don't be lazy and pretend that you're not.
-cooking is a skill that some people just don't have.
-do not be afraid to sing loud. be part of the "joyful noise" group.
-always hold your grandma's hand and help her into the car.
-men with tempers aren't worth your time.
-wear tall shoes and cute clothes when you're young, because you won't be able to do that crap when you're old.
-to properly use an electric hand-mixer.
-you cannot leave kids alone. ever. it doesn't matter how long you're gone, you cannot leave them even for a second. i still remember my mom speaking her mind to a lady at a gas station when i was about 7. always stuck with me.
-toys are best without batteries.
-utilize tall people in your life to reach things on shelves.
-fork on the left.
and to close up the list:
-don't forget that it sucks to be poor. i am very lucky. this has, on more than many occassions, made other people mad at me. these people usually have lots of money.

love you--wee

?

who woulda thunkit...it's snowing in south carolina.

radio

i am at work a lot. to pass the time, i've been listening to a lot of this american life on the internet while i work. pretty much the greatest thing ever. for those of you readers who listen to the radio show, you should be jealous-- because I'M GOING TO SEE IRA GLASS IN GREENVILLE next week.

haha!

i'm so stoked, i got a really good ticket from this guy ed at work, who i thought was cool, then i didn't think was cool, and now think he's a little bit more cool because he likes this american life too.

anywho, for those of you who don't listen to the show, you don't have to be subscribed to the podcast, or be stuck at work at a desk. you can just click on some of my favorites, or go to the site. woot.

some ones that i like:

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1283 "Somewhere Out There"

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1277 "Numbers"

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1274 "20 Acts in 60 Minutes"

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1271 "Music Lessons"

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1256 "Break-Up"

and, because this was so weirdly my life: http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=109 "Notes On Camp"

listen and love. i do.

my new relationship

i am in a new relationship here in south carolina. at first i wasn't sure if it was a good idea if i should try and carve out any sort of permanence here, emotionally commit to anything, but i decided to go with the standby mantra of, you only live once. i might as well give it the ol' college try.
it began simple enough, someone told me that this was my new place, and i learned to adapt quickly. the people around weren't so bad, we eventually all became good friends and i even pitched in for coffee. quickly i realized that this was going to be my new group for a while, and it was a little awkward at first: i didn't really know the protocol around here (so vastly different than anything else i've witnessed) and just decided to follow along with all the other relationships around.
some of the other relationships were bare bones with little or no pizzazz-- quite frankly it felt like these two weren't even friends. they didn't really communicate much, maybe a note here and there. but no meals together or shared music tastes, no cute little notes that made one of them laugh; nothing denoting that they were together. it was odd to me, as i am a person who usually proclaims relationships loudly and is very excited about them. because of this culture shock, i chose to keep my relationship quiet for a few days. status quo and all that. then i had to share some more of myself, bring some tangible things to the space where we hung out-- my craisins, my green tea, my taste in music, my lunches, my online addiction to the New York Times Op-Ed page. even my love for blank inky pens and post-its became abundantly clear in the days that followed.
now it's great. i'm comfy in my relationship and i'm becoming settled into the fact that i'll be around for at least a little while. although not ideal yet, every day we're getting closer and closer. i even wrote a note that reminds me of my relationship every day-- i read it and all of a sudden a sense of contentment fills my soul.

"This is my cubicle. There are many like it, but this one is mine."

i'm starting to like my cubicle. i won't say the big l-word; now that's going a little too far.

slow down

i've been told by a number of co-workers that the nuclear business has a whole different time frame. i've been told by a number of other southerners that people talk slow and do most things slow, which i enjoy as a change of pace. to a point.
coming here has made me realize just how edgy i am. skittish at times. and has exacerbated one of my biggest flaws-- impatience.
it might just be the washingtonian in me, but no one here drives worth a damn. they go the speed limit (which i'm sure my mother wants to hear), and they don't know how to merge. they don't do it in a speedy manner when they attempt to merge. driving back from target in anderson, SC (35 minutes away) a van-mother (refer to vanned post from march) STOPPED ON THE HIGHWAY to attempt to move into the right lane. how does she not understand that you have to merge with the flow of traffic and that people will not slow down on the highway to wait for a terrible van to get in front of them? *yes, that was an angry run-on sentence.
sorry team, i honked. and then i angrily shifted the jeep.
another anecdote that some of you have heard and some haven't: the starbucks here. number 1, it is in a college town and opened just under a year ago. uncharted barista territory, making for not good baristas. 2: while not expecting the service to quite as speedy as sammamish, i was anticipating the drinks to be correct. false. i have not gotten a beverage correctly while at this starbucks and i have also had to repeat my order at least twice every time i go. my patience runs thin. and then i just feel like a jerk.
while going to starbucks yesterday, it was the perfect storm: i imbibed a little too much with some co-workers on friday and needed some coffee. unfortunately i couldn't get out of bed to make the drive to clemson until 3. not good. i'm thinking to myself, "drive thru--might be speedy." i also think, "all i'm getting is an americano-- shot of espresso and water. the barista has to push one button and fill with boiling water. just about the easiest drink to make."
but no. i pay for my drink and this young guy takes my money. mind you, i haven't showered and look like garbage. i can also see a drink right next to the guy as he closes the window after giving me the credit card back. i know it's mine. i just know it.
he opens the window again, i'm straight up boring a hole into the drink on the counter next to the register, and he then commences to hit on me for two minutes. what i've been up to, what i'm doing later today, weather, blah blah blah. JUST GIVE ME MY DRINK. i end the conversation, and he closes the window. i wait.
he then looks nonchalantly to his right and grabs my americano.
i listened to a beyonce song and a kanye west song on the radio during the whole starbucks debacle. that's about 7 minutes. i was also the only one in the drive thru.
the south is testing my patience. it will be good for me, i guess.

it's exciting!!!

i put three exclamation marks in the title because i know the only people who read my blog are people who abhor exclamation marks. rule number one of rhetoric-- understand your auidence. (thanks college!)
things i've learned/had to do this week that i never would've expected:
-seneca, SC and clemson, SC are not big. at all. i should've realized this when i found out i was actually working on the site of a nuclear power plant. EXCITING. i drove 35 minutes to get to a target, and i couldn't understand a family in the store. mind you, i used to work with international students.
-i have a kind of cute engineer-y guy in my office. he is awkward and skinny. he also drives a jeep. i currently drive a jeep. i think that makes us perfect for each other.
-4 mini famous amos cookies make one serving. i'm pissed about it.
-thanks to alyssa, i bought fiber 1 bars. i bought the oats and apple one, and it tastes like store-bought apple pie. i approve wholeheartedly.
-i had training for 4 days and had to read procedures about abrasive blasting. i also had to read 39 other procedures about high energy line breaks, document control, and lanyards. yes, a whole procedure about lanyards. EXCITING.
- i did though finally get to do my real job for about an hour today because i was able to get a computer and poke around the website. i'm writing the book telling fluor how to use the project management website. i think it's important. i also think it's EXCITING.
-everyone and there dog smokes here.
-i only killed the jeep i'm borrowing from my uncle four times since i've been here.
-i do yoga from an online video every day for an hour. it's EXCITING. my instructors name is Sarah.
-i also bought a pair of bona-fide yoga pants. i now understand why women on what not to wear only have yoga pants and don't think it's a problem. go for it ladies, the pants are phenomenal.
-if i ever do something EXCITING you all will be the first to know. i promise.
-i am also getting my first paycheck sometime this week. direct deposit, baby. and that, my friends, is truly EXCITING.
...but the yoga pants still win.

inside the actor's studio

i hadn't ever watched inside the actor's studio with james lipton until a little while ago. the only thing i knew about it was from the hilarious will ferrell sketch on SNL. so brilliant. i watched an episode tonight after being beat-tired from training at work...it was anthony lapaglia, the guy on without a trace. he's a really good actor, but i haven't seen any of his movies, although he's won a golden globe, an emmy AND a tony. rock and roll, that guy.
anywho, i've decided that i want james lipton to interview me. he always begins with a long drawn out history of the childhood with ridiculous rapid fire questions: asking his mother's name, father's name, elementary school, sport played, etc; all within the first three minutes. and then, he just piles on the compliments, complete with a usual dirty joke in the middle. he would say, "a talent of epic proportions, with inspiration that can move the masses to tears and then to elation," he would say. i would be humble, perhaps. i wouldn't cry-- not like oprah.
just talkin to a kinda creepy old guy. it's cool.

a side note that potentially sucks-- i start work every day at 6:30. holy. crap.

snow in seattle (a possible metaphor)

it has been snowing in sammamish since last night, and i'm not impressed. although when you stand outside the flakes hit your face and it slowly starts to accumulate on the grass and the leaves of azaleas, the road is bare. all the human things repel it, it seems. for a moment it's lovely, but it never really sticks around. unlike pullman snow, this precipitation doesn't accumulate enough for us to be upset about it-- the same thought of dread for a moment came into my mind as it would in pullman, only to be saved by knowing that the snow wouldn't really stay.
the last few weeks in sammamish have been odd in my downtime. i knew in the back of my mind that something would come up for me in the job hunt, but it got hard waiting for something to happen. i would assume the worst, that same snow-thought of dread was pretty much constantly upon me. i began to believe that i would have to wait a long long time before i found any semblance of work. story after story i would hear about how people have been filling out upwards of forty applications before getting an interview, the snow in my mind beginning to pile up and up.
and while i did call my favorite uncle, the one who would always look out for me, i didn't really know if anything would work out. in fact i didn't tell my sister for a couple of days about calling him at all. there was a part of me that kinda felt like a quitter for calling-- then i realized this is how a lot of people get work, especially now that no one is hiring. becuase of that, i was able to find myself the job in south carolina for at least 6 weeks. i'm still working out the details but i booked my plane ticket and will get the apartment figured out next week.
i guess the snow didn't accumulate enough. i'm moving on.
so we'll see where this takes me. i hope that i'm good enough at tech writing to keep doing it and making a living for a little while, even in south carolina. that would be nice.
but if i do end up back in seattle, i know i can parallel park. i successfully did that yesterday.
things are looking up.

change

the word has been said so much in the Obama campaign that i feel like many people are sick of it-- believing that there simply is too much crap to pick up after eight years of downfall and foolishness on many fronts. and although i, like many, have a cynical side and am well aware that things aren't going to be swift or perfect. but there is the hope that we will no longer stand intolerant to just about everyone, that those in government will work WITH people instead of keeping those that disagree at an arm's length, and that the needs of people will be heard at home and abroad. this morning as i woke up earlier than i have in months to watch coverage of the inauguration, i teared up and celebrated that America made this happen. i know that the political climate has shifted dramatically in this country even if most people's wallets haven't-- you could feel it while President Obama (i love writing that) was speaking, you could see it with little kids believing again that they can be something great. i see the engagement with politics for people of my generation and that enlivens me. i never thought i would care about politics or the news and many people my age are the same way, but i refuse to accept apathy in myself.
i have read the inaugural address about three times today, and agree with all of it. we're in the shit but we can get out of it. and it will take cooperation, not guns always, to make it happen. it will take responsibility for our screw-ups as people, and it will take a little less consuming and materialism. and it will take caring about others. my favorite part of President Obama's speech was this:
"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it."
amen.

thanks

in this time of transition, almost a week into the intensive job hunt here in seattle, i must take a moment to say a bit about things that are making me happy. i did just read the new issue of Real Simple magazine about lists to organize your life. unfortunately, i don't have much of the "life" they mention to organize so this will be a list of a different sort.

-short length pants. i don't know how short people were able to keep their pants clean back in the day, but two pairs of my pants finally took the big sleep within the past two weeks and i found a replacement. a pair of everyday jeans that my sister enjoys commenting on-- and they don't drag on the ground, creating a hole in the fold that my shoe eventually gets caught in. a debacle that this pair of jeans will not fall victim to.
-the ability to effortlessly switch from american idol to anderson cooper 360 on television. i feel like anderson cooper's reporting is astounding, so much so that i read the book he wrote a couple years ago in a day. his reputation should in theory cancel out the ridiculousness of a contestant nicknamed "sexual chocolate." what a travesty.
-the sex and the city movie. watched it again this week and i still love it, even though samantha looks like a not-so-great 80s throwback.
-reconnecting with old friends. i saw a few this week and i forgot during my WSU time that they were great. i can't wait to see them more.
-my friends are completely rallying around the "find sarah a job" cause. if you're reading this, thanks :)
-i watched barney yesterday with a 2 year old, and we skipped to "the muffin man." i am not thankful, however, that it was stuck in my head for two hours afterwards.
-my brother and i talk at least every other day-- it might be because he hasn't started classes yet, but my greatest fear of him and i not talking anymore is allayed for a moment. still crossing my fingers.
-church people. i was having a printing/writing sample debacle today and the pastor of my church, will, took some time out of his study to help. a bright spot.
-Pilot G2 pens-- after my freeloading at the Athletic Department with the Pilot Precise V2s in a variety of colors (only a purple one remains), i have come home.
-argyle socks. got a new pair from mom, love it.
-also, my ability to spell argyle. thankfully i have been blessed with good spelling. (unless that's spelled wrong, in which case i'll look like a big doof.)
-my discovery of three radio stations in seattle that i enjoy during my drives (you're always driving around here if you live in a suburb). namely, 92.5 does an excellent job of throwin out old-school jams, most recently "shoop" by salt-n-pepa and "sexual healing" by marvin gaye. they also played the craig david (yes, i said craig david) song where he talks about the days of the week. i feel like it's called "7 days" but i'm not sure.
-that i'm not as dumb as ryan seacrest. case and point: after a blind contestant made it through to the next round, on camera mr.seacrest put his hand up for a high five for about 5 seconds. as if the guy would overcome his blindness since birth to give the venerable ryan seacrest a high five.
and with that...

what are some of yours?

fail

i remember distinctly filling the application for camp lutherhaven about two years ago now and i always get stumped with one question: explain a time when you've failed and what you learned from that experience.
that was the part of the show where i left my computer, wandered around my room, probably made a cup of tea or went out for a latte and then returned curmudgeonly to the computer waiting for something to appear. and always i thought, "i guess...nothing." i don't even know what i wrote now, to be honest. i rhetoricized my way out of that one...whew.
it's not as though i'm writing this to say that i'm the best and i am so great as to NOT fail ever, not by any means. what i've realized is that my life at home as a kiddo and my life in college has been set up for my success. i made it almost impossible for me to fail at something because i don't take too many risks about the things that are super important. in many cases, i only take on tasks that i'm sure i will love or that i am really good at. i've tried to have a plan-- if not that, at least something to say to family members to get them off my back at least for a little bit. but no big challenges. when i watch that show "Made" on MTV i always think i'd love to go on there to try and do something ridiculous, mostly so that i can fall on my face a lot. i think it would be good for me.
last night, though, i failed myself. i thought that the job with Washington CAN was going to be a perfect fit. i would love it and my life would continue to clip along just fine-- no risks, no problems. excellent.
as i stood there in the pouring rain and gusty winds on a street in the middle of Olympia with a clipboard ALONE i realized that i made a mistake. this was not what i wanted, and i put all my post-college eggs in this basket only to discover that this was NOT the plan. i was a fine healthcare activist for two hours on my observation. got some members, had some people sign postcards to send to lawmakers. cool. but i didn't love it. i was out there by myself and didn't make any real connection with people. instead it was maybe two minutes of talking to one person, only to leave again either happy or defeated. i didn't use any gifts God has given me either-- quite a shitty situation overall.
walking in my sopping wet shoes and hair stuck to my forehead i realized that i need to work with students in some capacity. now i don't know how i'm going to get there, but someday i will. i might have to work in tech writing if i get a chance to, but i know what i'd like to do in the end. so, i failed in my plan. backfired. something i didn't expect. but that's ok, because now at least i know what i don't want to do.
failure at least has taught me patience.