impatience

once again, i feel one of my greatest character flaws has reared its ugly head once again. impatience has now overtaken my life after my ROCKIN weekend in baltimore with ms. b.

i've applied to now 7 official AmeriCorps positions in the DC/Baltimore area, and i want to go back so desperately, mostly because joy thinks i'm funny :) it was so refreshing to be with someone who knows you, where you don't have to continually feel like you're explaining yourself, where it's ok to be who you are. it's liberating.

i got back at midnight last night to arise at 445 this morning - needless to say, everyone at work noticed. when i checked myself in the mirror at work i thought i had mascara smeared under my eyes...but no, the dark circles didn't go away. and i was working on the monthly turd -- making me even more antsy than usual. there was a small part of me that wanted to make the grand "i quit" gesture. but that would be foolish, as i would be waiting around in greenville for an AmeriCorp position for who knows how long. as i was telling brelin earlier in discussing my waiting around for my application to get reviewed and then get a call : i really hope this Oprah "power of positive thinking" bullshit works. because if it does, i'm golden.

i feel qualified. i feel like i would be a good candidate for these jobs. it's not like i applied to become a financial analyst. but i have no idea how many people applied for each position, which does not help me gauge my cofidence in any way. could someone just give me a rough estimate? then i can know how hopeful to be.

yes, this is all i've thought about all day. and will continue to think about until i hear anything back from these jobs. it is maddening.