bass

i'm awaiting the arrival of my car - Blue Steel - from Washington. apparently it was picked up last night and hopefully will get here within the next two weeks. they didn't really give the best estimate of time to my parents, so we'll see what happens. i hope that it comes before i head to the northwest.

since then i've been driving a Jeep, my uncle's Jeep to be exact. it is bright yellow. it gets terrible gas mileage. i am not a Jeep person, i've decided. but, you take what you can get. it's stereo system is also a little wacky. apparently greg bought the Jeep from a kid who decided to put giant subwoofers in the back and a touch-screen (really?!) faceplate. needless to say, i inadvertantly press the wrong thing on a daily basis. i also can't particularly figure out how to turn the bass down, so it is very loud.

it doesn't help that the Jeep is yellow and i am a young person, but the bass has caused many a dirty look from older folks. when i feel like i'm listening to the radio at a reasonable volume, it sounds like the outside of a fun friday circa 1999 and "Miami" by Will Smith is being blared at full blast. or, the outside of the Rollarena...basically ever. so there i am, sitting at a stoplight listening to the radio for a song that i love- necessitating FULL volume - and another dirty look comes my way. "stupid kids..." i bet they say. the bass is blaring, i can't figure out how to turn it down and at this point i've stopped caring. "those kids and they're hip-hop crap..."

no no, oh no. i'm blaring "Red Red Wine" by UB40. ima balla.

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although english major i may be, i was never one of those who would lock myself away and read ancient copies of Poe or write term papers for months about vampires in 19th century lit. just not my bag.
but, i love poetry. i don't consider myself extremely well read in the genre at all and i couldn't recite any really good poem, but poems are great because they make you think. they also, more than any other writing, make me stop and breathe for a bit. i know that i mentioned kay ryan in a post last july about writer's workshops that people got a little hyped up about, but i never really put down any of her poetry. it's really good, and the words are chosen just perfectly. this is one of my favorites (and yes, it made me cry)

THINGS SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD
A life should leave
deep tracks:
ruts where she
went out and back
to get the mail
or move the hose
around the yard;
where she used to
stand before the sink,
a worn-out place;
beneath her hand
the china knobs
rubbed down to
white pastilles;
the switch she
used to feel for
in the dark
almost erased.

Her things should
keep her marks.
The passage
of a life should show;
it should abrade.
And when life stops,
a certain space—
however small —
should be left scarred
by the grand and
damaging parade.
Things shouldn't
be so hard.

favorite line: by the grand and/damaging parade. and the china knobs rubbed down to white pastilles. mmmm....

i know, i know

at this point y'all probably think that i'm never going to write on my blog again. well, YOU were wrong.
i don't have internet at my apartment yet (i literally just have one twin bed that looks very camp lutherhaven-style)...and that's it. i still don't know if i want to get a tv, mostly because i think i can live without it. and it's another thing to buy and THEN keep paying for.
the more exciting news is that i'm going to start tutoring again! ever since i stopped working at WSU, i've really been missing the whole idea of doing something GOOD for people. after working for a company like Fluor for two months, i don't think i'm really cut out to be an executive. i can't see how they truly believe they're doing any good for people. there's really no tangible evidence of goodness by making productivity betterment initiatives and writing nonconformance reports. i'm not saying these are not bad people, and maybe those executives are more sophisticated than me: they can come up with some abstract reason why they really are making a difference. they don't have to see it, they just know.
well, i don't. i have to be able to not only see the lightbulb going off, i have to be talking people, teaching people. doing something. i know that when it's all said and done i'm going to be a teacher. i just don't know quite how i'm going to get there. but, really, i don't usually do things in the most direct way. much like my writing, sometimes my life goes around and around the fence and only SOMETIMES finds the gate.
so, i finally got my patootie in gear and called the Greenville Literacy Association. i went yesterday and observed a pre-GED social studies group. i'll be in training for 8 hours over the next two weeks and then i'll be teaching Adult Basic Ed/ pre-GED courses! at this point i think i want to do writing, reading, or social studies. but, if they need me to rock the fractions class, i will.
the need here is great too. south carolina has the highest high school drop out rate, which makes me upset because the damn governor won't take the stimulus money to maybe even attempt to give any money for a good cause (google him, it's ridiculous). so yeah, i'm feeling good about that. filling up my time with a lot of stuff. still adjusting to everything here (yikes) and look forward to making new friends.
mostly though, i like the students at Greenville Literacy. they're democrats. they get it.