the restaurant

finally it's time to unveil the greatest restaurant you might never eat at, mainly because i'm making it up. SWF 21.
this restaurant is not for the pretentious, and the food served might never win awards. but, it gets you from Starbucks trip to Starbucks trip, following the my mother's credo- "i don't live to eat. i eat to live."
the restaurant will be a trip into my world, with only a few items that stand out as staples of my diet. 5 ways to use a can of tuna, variations on quesadillas, and of course the single chicken breast. seasonings will be salt, pepper, and Johnny's Salad Elegance.
the walls would have hanging tapestries from vintage stores, with original framed black and white photos from places i've been, and the guests are invited to put their photos on there too. oh, and a bulletin board for anything. because every college house has some sort of bulletin board. and lots and lots of bookshelves. people will sit on the floor around a coffee table or around a folding card table (that's for joy).
for drinks, beer is served in plastic keg cups (red only) and while our bar has all types of alcohol, they're only mixed with OJ or Diet Coke. no exceptions. beer pong is optional, but customers have to bring their own table.
i choose the music.
as i got farther and farther along in this description a couple of days ago, my friend brought up a very good question, "who the hell would want to eat there, and why?" the answer, friends, is simple: atmosphere and cost.
every dish (including drink) will be $5. even with this ridiculously low price i'll still be making a profit because the ingredients are so cheap. the venue will be a renovated warehouse so there will be virtually no overhead. and quite frankly, i don't care about making a profit. also, i will be in a location where this type of environment is a novelty- i would never dare opening this in pullman because i could haphazardly pick a house on D Street and i would come upon the same thing. nonono. it's gotta be in a town with just a community college because this is the way for those getting ready to go to a 4 year or those who will never leave their hometown get a little bit of the college lifestyle. also, i feel i cater to the needs of middle aged folks yearning for a bit of the nostalgia of their college years. can't you see it- 4 middle aged women with their Sigma Kappa letters around my table. i love it.
and hell, it also is a good place for dieters too, because all the portions will be me-sized. it might help.
mostly though, i'd want to eat there because conversation will always be lively (due to the cheap drinks) and there won't be an obnoxious waitress named Kelly screaming at you about the jalapeno poppers. nothing is more of a buzzkill than that.