i finally was able to go to a lutheran church for ash wednesday. big ups to my Presbyterians, but i'm a Lutheran through and through.
Ash Wednesday is my favorite day in the church year for many reasons. mostly, though, it brings me back down to earth, knowing that i'm not perfect, never will be, and that i'm human. it also reminds me to come back to God, knowing that I know nothing. the ultimate humble pie-eating moment, Ash Wednesday.
this Ash Wednesday the Bishop of Delaware and Maryland, a short old guy named Theodore Schneider, gave the message. he talked of our mortality without God, not taking the grace of God in vain (which i do A LOT), and our selfishness as sin.
what i like about his section about selfishness as sin was this: that Sin is ultimately when our selves, our happiness, our fixation on "finding ourselves", doing things our way, comes before others. i am at a moment in my life where these questions come up all the time: what do i want my career to look like? do i want to move? what makes me happy? these Oprah-questions (which at her age i hope she's at least attempted to answer) are constantly around. it seems that a lot of the time i'm thinking about MYSELF. it gets exhausting.
what to do, then? how am i going to be happy? Rev. Schneider reminded me in simplest terms: happiness is not a goal, it is a byproduct. when we lose ourselves in service to others in any capacity, happiness is created. also, when we think of others first, we feel better. there is nothing more rewarding than being there in happy times, funky-blech times, sick times, and celebratory times for the people i love. i'll take those moments and conversations over constantly questioning my self and my motives. it's hard to do. and i suck at it most of the time.
but, as Rev. Schneider said, we can't look up to Him and others when we're looking at our belly button. we must remember we're not great and that others are.
ashes as a path to happiness. i like it.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
the big (small) city
joy told me before i moved to baltimore that it has a reputation of being a big/little city. basically, everyone runs in the same sort of circles regardless of where you work or not. there's a federal hill crew, the canton people, the fell's point people, etc., and you always end up running into the same people if you go out on a friday night to your same spot. it's understandable, i suppose, but not expected.
living in pullman for almost four years made it impossible to go out without having some sort of semi-awkward "don't i know you?" exchange, thus considerably cutting down the pool of available date-worthy men.
but moving to baltimore gave me a clean slate. no more would i be shackled by the concept of "bro codes" that would effectively cut off a whole subset of men for me to casually date.
false.
the example is last night.
i have gone on a few dates with sweater steve. he's nice, is an engineer, got his life together. but i don't want to be his girlfriend. he works at a GINORMOUS engineering firm down here, literally 10,000 employees. so doing the math, that's roughly 5,000 to 2,500 single men. (but i digress). meanwhile, i'm pretty sure he thinks we're in a committed relationship and we're headed towards relationshipville. meanwhile, i'm running for cover. i rain-checked the poor guy this weekend to avoid any valentine's day situation, and went out last night with a friend.
the bar had slim pickin's for attractive males - they were mostly skeezy, slightly pudgy mid twenties dudes. so sarah and i just danced and had a great time by ourselves- it was excellent. then, a devastatingly handsome man approaches me and we start dancing. score one for sarah.
turns out he's an engineer at the same company as sweater steve. but who isn't, really?
we do the banter, tell him i'm from washington state, this is my friend sarah (little cute cheerleader from ohio state), yadda yadda.
well, turns out at the end of the night we get to talking again he goes, "i think i know you..." weird. i've only lived here for four months, there's no way. BUT YES. he's work friends with sweater steve, they have lunch together EVERY DAY and steve has mentioned me (the sarah from washington state). meanwhile, i have to tell him not to tell steve anything about what's conspired. but i'm honest with him, "so basically, because i've gone on a few dates with steve this will never...happen...will it?" and he replies with, "it might just be weird because steve hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time...and i see him every day..." yep, yes. opportunity squelched.
potentially going on a date with the most attractive man i've talked to since i've been here?...GONE.
i rarely have awkward social situations - i thrive on bar banter. but this situation was not salvageable. little sarah mentioned to me, "that was the most awkward conversation i've been witness to...and it wasn't even my conversation."
looks like i'm back in pullman.
living in pullman for almost four years made it impossible to go out without having some sort of semi-awkward "don't i know you?" exchange, thus considerably cutting down the pool of available date-worthy men.
but moving to baltimore gave me a clean slate. no more would i be shackled by the concept of "bro codes" that would effectively cut off a whole subset of men for me to casually date.
false.
the example is last night.
i have gone on a few dates with sweater steve. he's nice, is an engineer, got his life together. but i don't want to be his girlfriend. he works at a GINORMOUS engineering firm down here, literally 10,000 employees. so doing the math, that's roughly 5,000 to 2,500 single men. (but i digress). meanwhile, i'm pretty sure he thinks we're in a committed relationship and we're headed towards relationshipville. meanwhile, i'm running for cover. i rain-checked the poor guy this weekend to avoid any valentine's day situation, and went out last night with a friend.
the bar had slim pickin's for attractive males - they were mostly skeezy, slightly pudgy mid twenties dudes. so sarah and i just danced and had a great time by ourselves- it was excellent. then, a devastatingly handsome man approaches me and we start dancing. score one for sarah.
turns out he's an engineer at the same company as sweater steve. but who isn't, really?
we do the banter, tell him i'm from washington state, this is my friend sarah (little cute cheerleader from ohio state), yadda yadda.
well, turns out at the end of the night we get to talking again he goes, "i think i know you..." weird. i've only lived here for four months, there's no way. BUT YES. he's work friends with sweater steve, they have lunch together EVERY DAY and steve has mentioned me (the sarah from washington state). meanwhile, i have to tell him not to tell steve anything about what's conspired. but i'm honest with him, "so basically, because i've gone on a few dates with steve this will never...happen...will it?" and he replies with, "it might just be weird because steve hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time...and i see him every day..." yep, yes. opportunity squelched.
potentially going on a date with the most attractive man i've talked to since i've been here?...GONE.
i rarely have awkward social situations - i thrive on bar banter. but this situation was not salvageable. little sarah mentioned to me, "that was the most awkward conversation i've been witness to...and it wasn't even my conversation."
looks like i'm back in pullman.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
snowmageddon
you all on the west coast have most likely been looking at the weather around the mid-atlantic -- shutting down DC, state of emergency, etc. yep, obama has deemed it snowmageddon. i like snowpacalypse.
either way the snow has stopped falling and the plows have begun - i'm not precisely sure where the snow will be plowed to, per se, but i'm assuming it will be plowed right over poor blue steel. she's already buried outside of charita's apartment complex because of the downfall, but there's absolutely nothing to be done. my only hope is that they don't have school tomorrow, because that means i'll have to dig my car out (which is blue steel, if you didn't already know). which i'm not jazzed about.
thankfully, though, i prepared for this event. charita's actual roommate doesn't really live here (she's with her boyfriend in fell's point most of the time) so i've moved in. charita's accepting payment in the form of me doing dishes, we both made snow weekend to-do lists, and i've introduced charita to a few new things in the past few days that i feel pretty pleased with:
1. almonds in green beans. i'm still trying to come around to the idea of canned green beans (which i think are pretty gross) so i had to add sliced almonds to the mix. mom would always put it in the frozen green beans growing up and i hated them. now, each bite of almonds made the canned version more bearable. concessions were made.
2. when harry met sally - i still have a friend here who hasn't seen it, but more importantly, this movie is beginning to be a prerequisite for my friendship. there are so many references i make on a daily basis (e.g "the white man's overbite") that no one would understand if they haven't seen the movie. i also don't enjoy making reference to something and getting to confused and awkward look in the middle as i begin laughing -- it's selfish, i know. so sue me. i've seen the movie roughly 20 times and i still get choked up at the end when she says, "and i hate you harry, i really hate you."
3. peanut butter and honey sandwiches. if it was awesome when you were seven, it will be awesome forever.
and what have i been introduced to this snowmageddon?:
1. the beauty of consulting jobs: yep, i'm getting paid sitting on charita's couch researching foundations. it really is the way to go.
2. the convenience of the Keurig single cup coffee/tea maker - i have been enjoying this for the past two days because charita doesn't drink coffee, and i'm understanding the craze. while the coffee is stronger than i am used to, it makes me only have one cup instead of 5. this is helpful.
3. the pot-smoking scene in The Breakfast Club. i've only ever seen this whole movie on TBS, not the full thing on DVD--therefore, it was censored. i now understand that Emilio Estevez dances around like a crazy person in the library because he's high. i thought it was a footloose-esque moment (which gets old quickly), but there is a reason. this enlightened me more than i thought it would.
either way the snow has stopped falling and the plows have begun - i'm not precisely sure where the snow will be plowed to, per se, but i'm assuming it will be plowed right over poor blue steel. she's already buried outside of charita's apartment complex because of the downfall, but there's absolutely nothing to be done. my only hope is that they don't have school tomorrow, because that means i'll have to dig my car out (which is blue steel, if you didn't already know). which i'm not jazzed about.
thankfully, though, i prepared for this event. charita's actual roommate doesn't really live here (she's with her boyfriend in fell's point most of the time) so i've moved in. charita's accepting payment in the form of me doing dishes, we both made snow weekend to-do lists, and i've introduced charita to a few new things in the past few days that i feel pretty pleased with:
1. almonds in green beans. i'm still trying to come around to the idea of canned green beans (which i think are pretty gross) so i had to add sliced almonds to the mix. mom would always put it in the frozen green beans growing up and i hated them. now, each bite of almonds made the canned version more bearable. concessions were made.
2. when harry met sally - i still have a friend here who hasn't seen it, but more importantly, this movie is beginning to be a prerequisite for my friendship. there are so many references i make on a daily basis (e.g "the white man's overbite") that no one would understand if they haven't seen the movie. i also don't enjoy making reference to something and getting to confused and awkward look in the middle as i begin laughing -- it's selfish, i know. so sue me. i've seen the movie roughly 20 times and i still get choked up at the end when she says, "and i hate you harry, i really hate you."
3. peanut butter and honey sandwiches. if it was awesome when you were seven, it will be awesome forever.
and what have i been introduced to this snowmageddon?:
1. the beauty of consulting jobs: yep, i'm getting paid sitting on charita's couch researching foundations. it really is the way to go.
2. the convenience of the Keurig single cup coffee/tea maker - i have been enjoying this for the past two days because charita doesn't drink coffee, and i'm understanding the craze. while the coffee is stronger than i am used to, it makes me only have one cup instead of 5. this is helpful.
3. the pot-smoking scene in The Breakfast Club. i've only ever seen this whole movie on TBS, not the full thing on DVD--therefore, it was censored. i now understand that Emilio Estevez dances around like a crazy person in the library because he's high. i thought it was a footloose-esque moment (which gets old quickly), but there is a reason. this enlightened me more than i thought it would.
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