the job of reading, that is.
i finally pushed through (and loved) Lush Life by Richard Price. he is one of the co-writers for The Wire (which did nothing for Baltimore's reputation), and you could tell. the dialogue was snappy and slang-filled -- it was like watching a very very well written version of a cop show. my dad would most likely like this book, as my childhood was peppered with almost every cop/detective show that has come out in last 15 years. i was pissed when they canceled Homicide: Life on the Streets. i'm pretty sure i was the only 12 year old to mourn its passing on network television.
but more than that, the book was able to follow the tracks of two detectives in New York through their frustrations: with the friend of the victim who they thought for sure did it, canvassing the housing projects for witnesses, going into the projects filled with 10 Filipino men crowded into one room, dealing with the press, the victim's family. the novel was...grimy. my junior year English teacher told us to never say, "they painted a picture." but if Price's writing is that of an artist, he would not be Bob Ross. perhaps Pollack. lots going on, slightly upset, spattered with meaning in every paragraph. and also, i haven't read a book where i have to work to figure out the mystery myself - i love putting the puzzle of a book together, and this one was excellent.
mmm...books. i've missed you.
currently reading: John Henry Days by Colson Whitehead. i LOVED his debut, The Intuitionist. read it.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
ashes (happiness)
i finally was able to go to a lutheran church for ash wednesday. big ups to my Presbyterians, but i'm a Lutheran through and through.
Ash Wednesday is my favorite day in the church year for many reasons. mostly, though, it brings me back down to earth, knowing that i'm not perfect, never will be, and that i'm human. it also reminds me to come back to God, knowing that I know nothing. the ultimate humble pie-eating moment, Ash Wednesday.
this Ash Wednesday the Bishop of Delaware and Maryland, a short old guy named Theodore Schneider, gave the message. he talked of our mortality without God, not taking the grace of God in vain (which i do A LOT), and our selfishness as sin.
what i like about his section about selfishness as sin was this: that Sin is ultimately when our selves, our happiness, our fixation on "finding ourselves", doing things our way, comes before others. i am at a moment in my life where these questions come up all the time: what do i want my career to look like? do i want to move? what makes me happy? these Oprah-questions (which at her age i hope she's at least attempted to answer) are constantly around. it seems that a lot of the time i'm thinking about MYSELF. it gets exhausting.
what to do, then? how am i going to be happy? Rev. Schneider reminded me in simplest terms: happiness is not a goal, it is a byproduct. when we lose ourselves in service to others in any capacity, happiness is created. also, when we think of others first, we feel better. there is nothing more rewarding than being there in happy times, funky-blech times, sick times, and celebratory times for the people i love. i'll take those moments and conversations over constantly questioning my self and my motives. it's hard to do. and i suck at it most of the time.
but, as Rev. Schneider said, we can't look up to Him and others when we're looking at our belly button. we must remember we're not great and that others are.
ashes as a path to happiness. i like it.
Ash Wednesday is my favorite day in the church year for many reasons. mostly, though, it brings me back down to earth, knowing that i'm not perfect, never will be, and that i'm human. it also reminds me to come back to God, knowing that I know nothing. the ultimate humble pie-eating moment, Ash Wednesday.
this Ash Wednesday the Bishop of Delaware and Maryland, a short old guy named Theodore Schneider, gave the message. he talked of our mortality without God, not taking the grace of God in vain (which i do A LOT), and our selfishness as sin.
what i like about his section about selfishness as sin was this: that Sin is ultimately when our selves, our happiness, our fixation on "finding ourselves", doing things our way, comes before others. i am at a moment in my life where these questions come up all the time: what do i want my career to look like? do i want to move? what makes me happy? these Oprah-questions (which at her age i hope she's at least attempted to answer) are constantly around. it seems that a lot of the time i'm thinking about MYSELF. it gets exhausting.
what to do, then? how am i going to be happy? Rev. Schneider reminded me in simplest terms: happiness is not a goal, it is a byproduct. when we lose ourselves in service to others in any capacity, happiness is created. also, when we think of others first, we feel better. there is nothing more rewarding than being there in happy times, funky-blech times, sick times, and celebratory times for the people i love. i'll take those moments and conversations over constantly questioning my self and my motives. it's hard to do. and i suck at it most of the time.
but, as Rev. Schneider said, we can't look up to Him and others when we're looking at our belly button. we must remember we're not great and that others are.
ashes as a path to happiness. i like it.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
the big (small) city
joy told me before i moved to baltimore that it has a reputation of being a big/little city. basically, everyone runs in the same sort of circles regardless of where you work or not. there's a federal hill crew, the canton people, the fell's point people, etc., and you always end up running into the same people if you go out on a friday night to your same spot. it's understandable, i suppose, but not expected.
living in pullman for almost four years made it impossible to go out without having some sort of semi-awkward "don't i know you?" exchange, thus considerably cutting down the pool of available date-worthy men.
but moving to baltimore gave me a clean slate. no more would i be shackled by the concept of "bro codes" that would effectively cut off a whole subset of men for me to casually date.
false.
the example is last night.
i have gone on a few dates with sweater steve. he's nice, is an engineer, got his life together. but i don't want to be his girlfriend. he works at a GINORMOUS engineering firm down here, literally 10,000 employees. so doing the math, that's roughly 5,000 to 2,500 single men. (but i digress). meanwhile, i'm pretty sure he thinks we're in a committed relationship and we're headed towards relationshipville. meanwhile, i'm running for cover. i rain-checked the poor guy this weekend to avoid any valentine's day situation, and went out last night with a friend.
the bar had slim pickin's for attractive males - they were mostly skeezy, slightly pudgy mid twenties dudes. so sarah and i just danced and had a great time by ourselves- it was excellent. then, a devastatingly handsome man approaches me and we start dancing. score one for sarah.
turns out he's an engineer at the same company as sweater steve. but who isn't, really?
we do the banter, tell him i'm from washington state, this is my friend sarah (little cute cheerleader from ohio state), yadda yadda.
well, turns out at the end of the night we get to talking again he goes, "i think i know you..." weird. i've only lived here for four months, there's no way. BUT YES. he's work friends with sweater steve, they have lunch together EVERY DAY and steve has mentioned me (the sarah from washington state). meanwhile, i have to tell him not to tell steve anything about what's conspired. but i'm honest with him, "so basically, because i've gone on a few dates with steve this will never...happen...will it?" and he replies with, "it might just be weird because steve hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time...and i see him every day..." yep, yes. opportunity squelched.
potentially going on a date with the most attractive man i've talked to since i've been here?...GONE.
i rarely have awkward social situations - i thrive on bar banter. but this situation was not salvageable. little sarah mentioned to me, "that was the most awkward conversation i've been witness to...and it wasn't even my conversation."
looks like i'm back in pullman.
living in pullman for almost four years made it impossible to go out without having some sort of semi-awkward "don't i know you?" exchange, thus considerably cutting down the pool of available date-worthy men.
but moving to baltimore gave me a clean slate. no more would i be shackled by the concept of "bro codes" that would effectively cut off a whole subset of men for me to casually date.
false.
the example is last night.
i have gone on a few dates with sweater steve. he's nice, is an engineer, got his life together. but i don't want to be his girlfriend. he works at a GINORMOUS engineering firm down here, literally 10,000 employees. so doing the math, that's roughly 5,000 to 2,500 single men. (but i digress). meanwhile, i'm pretty sure he thinks we're in a committed relationship and we're headed towards relationshipville. meanwhile, i'm running for cover. i rain-checked the poor guy this weekend to avoid any valentine's day situation, and went out last night with a friend.
the bar had slim pickin's for attractive males - they were mostly skeezy, slightly pudgy mid twenties dudes. so sarah and i just danced and had a great time by ourselves- it was excellent. then, a devastatingly handsome man approaches me and we start dancing. score one for sarah.
turns out he's an engineer at the same company as sweater steve. but who isn't, really?
we do the banter, tell him i'm from washington state, this is my friend sarah (little cute cheerleader from ohio state), yadda yadda.
well, turns out at the end of the night we get to talking again he goes, "i think i know you..." weird. i've only lived here for four months, there's no way. BUT YES. he's work friends with sweater steve, they have lunch together EVERY DAY and steve has mentioned me (the sarah from washington state). meanwhile, i have to tell him not to tell steve anything about what's conspired. but i'm honest with him, "so basically, because i've gone on a few dates with steve this will never...happen...will it?" and he replies with, "it might just be weird because steve hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time...and i see him every day..." yep, yes. opportunity squelched.
potentially going on a date with the most attractive man i've talked to since i've been here?...GONE.
i rarely have awkward social situations - i thrive on bar banter. but this situation was not salvageable. little sarah mentioned to me, "that was the most awkward conversation i've been witness to...and it wasn't even my conversation."
looks like i'm back in pullman.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
snowmageddon
you all on the west coast have most likely been looking at the weather around the mid-atlantic -- shutting down DC, state of emergency, etc. yep, obama has deemed it snowmageddon. i like snowpacalypse.
either way the snow has stopped falling and the plows have begun - i'm not precisely sure where the snow will be plowed to, per se, but i'm assuming it will be plowed right over poor blue steel. she's already buried outside of charita's apartment complex because of the downfall, but there's absolutely nothing to be done. my only hope is that they don't have school tomorrow, because that means i'll have to dig my car out (which is blue steel, if you didn't already know). which i'm not jazzed about.
thankfully, though, i prepared for this event. charita's actual roommate doesn't really live here (she's with her boyfriend in fell's point most of the time) so i've moved in. charita's accepting payment in the form of me doing dishes, we both made snow weekend to-do lists, and i've introduced charita to a few new things in the past few days that i feel pretty pleased with:
1. almonds in green beans. i'm still trying to come around to the idea of canned green beans (which i think are pretty gross) so i had to add sliced almonds to the mix. mom would always put it in the frozen green beans growing up and i hated them. now, each bite of almonds made the canned version more bearable. concessions were made.
2. when harry met sally - i still have a friend here who hasn't seen it, but more importantly, this movie is beginning to be a prerequisite for my friendship. there are so many references i make on a daily basis (e.g "the white man's overbite") that no one would understand if they haven't seen the movie. i also don't enjoy making reference to something and getting to confused and awkward look in the middle as i begin laughing -- it's selfish, i know. so sue me. i've seen the movie roughly 20 times and i still get choked up at the end when she says, "and i hate you harry, i really hate you."
3. peanut butter and honey sandwiches. if it was awesome when you were seven, it will be awesome forever.
and what have i been introduced to this snowmageddon?:
1. the beauty of consulting jobs: yep, i'm getting paid sitting on charita's couch researching foundations. it really is the way to go.
2. the convenience of the Keurig single cup coffee/tea maker - i have been enjoying this for the past two days because charita doesn't drink coffee, and i'm understanding the craze. while the coffee is stronger than i am used to, it makes me only have one cup instead of 5. this is helpful.
3. the pot-smoking scene in The Breakfast Club. i've only ever seen this whole movie on TBS, not the full thing on DVD--therefore, it was censored. i now understand that Emilio Estevez dances around like a crazy person in the library because he's high. i thought it was a footloose-esque moment (which gets old quickly), but there is a reason. this enlightened me more than i thought it would.
either way the snow has stopped falling and the plows have begun - i'm not precisely sure where the snow will be plowed to, per se, but i'm assuming it will be plowed right over poor blue steel. she's already buried outside of charita's apartment complex because of the downfall, but there's absolutely nothing to be done. my only hope is that they don't have school tomorrow, because that means i'll have to dig my car out (which is blue steel, if you didn't already know). which i'm not jazzed about.
thankfully, though, i prepared for this event. charita's actual roommate doesn't really live here (she's with her boyfriend in fell's point most of the time) so i've moved in. charita's accepting payment in the form of me doing dishes, we both made snow weekend to-do lists, and i've introduced charita to a few new things in the past few days that i feel pretty pleased with:
1. almonds in green beans. i'm still trying to come around to the idea of canned green beans (which i think are pretty gross) so i had to add sliced almonds to the mix. mom would always put it in the frozen green beans growing up and i hated them. now, each bite of almonds made the canned version more bearable. concessions were made.
2. when harry met sally - i still have a friend here who hasn't seen it, but more importantly, this movie is beginning to be a prerequisite for my friendship. there are so many references i make on a daily basis (e.g "the white man's overbite") that no one would understand if they haven't seen the movie. i also don't enjoy making reference to something and getting to confused and awkward look in the middle as i begin laughing -- it's selfish, i know. so sue me. i've seen the movie roughly 20 times and i still get choked up at the end when she says, "and i hate you harry, i really hate you."
3. peanut butter and honey sandwiches. if it was awesome when you were seven, it will be awesome forever.
and what have i been introduced to this snowmageddon?:
1. the beauty of consulting jobs: yep, i'm getting paid sitting on charita's couch researching foundations. it really is the way to go.
2. the convenience of the Keurig single cup coffee/tea maker - i have been enjoying this for the past two days because charita doesn't drink coffee, and i'm understanding the craze. while the coffee is stronger than i am used to, it makes me only have one cup instead of 5. this is helpful.
3. the pot-smoking scene in The Breakfast Club. i've only ever seen this whole movie on TBS, not the full thing on DVD--therefore, it was censored. i now understand that Emilio Estevez dances around like a crazy person in the library because he's high. i thought it was a footloose-esque moment (which gets old quickly), but there is a reason. this enlightened me more than i thought it would.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
a tiny commentary
i'm glad i can't vote in massachusetts -- hell, i don't really know where it is on a map.
but i do know that i've been hearing a lot of hubub about the Martha Coakley flop on Tuesday, and quite frankly, i'm not too worried. the supposed "super majority" that Dems had in the Senate really wasn't doing much good on healthcare reform anyhow (oh hey, public option...apparently you don't exist anymore) and not every Democrat is going to vote down party lines anyhow...effing Lieberman.
regardless, Coakley just sucked it up big time. she thought she had it in the bag, but when you suck at running a campaign and assume that people are going to vote for a Democrat because it's Massachusetts you have another thing coming. you're not Ted Kennedy. the end.
and really, Republicans are more pissed off nowadays about life in general. and you know what pissed off people do? vote. i feel like Democrats are just disheartened at this point...at least this one is.
Gail Collins continues to wittily (a word? i'm not sure, but i'm using it) come through in her analysis of the situation:
"True, she [Coakley] seemed to have the public persona of a flounder. But if warmth and charisma were a requisite for being in the Senate, three-quarters of the members would have to go home immediately. A body where Arlen Specter can be courted by both parties is not a place that puts much premium on personal charm".
Read the whole article. It proves just how ridiculous politics is...
Why am I getting myself into this mess, again? I'm not sure. Maybe so I can guarantee that I won't marry someone in politics.
but i do know that i've been hearing a lot of hubub about the Martha Coakley flop on Tuesday, and quite frankly, i'm not too worried. the supposed "super majority" that Dems had in the Senate really wasn't doing much good on healthcare reform anyhow (oh hey, public option...apparently you don't exist anymore) and not every Democrat is going to vote down party lines anyhow...effing Lieberman.
regardless, Coakley just sucked it up big time. she thought she had it in the bag, but when you suck at running a campaign and assume that people are going to vote for a Democrat because it's Massachusetts you have another thing coming. you're not Ted Kennedy. the end.
and really, Republicans are more pissed off nowadays about life in general. and you know what pissed off people do? vote. i feel like Democrats are just disheartened at this point...at least this one is.
Gail Collins continues to wittily (a word? i'm not sure, but i'm using it) come through in her analysis of the situation:
"True, she [Coakley] seemed to have the public persona of a flounder. But if warmth and charisma were a requisite for being in the Senate, three-quarters of the members would have to go home immediately. A body where Arlen Specter can be courted by both parties is not a place that puts much premium on personal charm".
Read the whole article. It proves just how ridiculous politics is...
Why am I getting myself into this mess, again? I'm not sure. Maybe so I can guarantee that I won't marry someone in politics.
Monday, January 18, 2010
screw Sarah button
things lately just have not been going my way. it's becoming typical nowadays for things to go slightly wrong, for things to not go according to plan. it's beginning to get a little old.
i'm still dealing with my stolen wallet - bank debacle which will be done tomorrow (i hope). i had to close my old bank account and open a new one, but the electronic payments that take 3-5 business days to go through to my old account now don't have any funds...because the account is closed. it's a pain in my arse.
also, things were gliding along smoothly with my UMBC grad application -- my recs had already sent me their letters and i was ready to roll. come to find out, if they do a paper rec they need another form. piss. so, i had to email them again and ask them to submit the rec online. i'm now praying that they are able to do it in the next 12 days. or else, i'm SOL for UMBC. if it gets done, i'm absolutely sending them flowers. no question.
my friend steve (ok, sweater vest steve to my family) says that sometimes he thinks that God has a "Screw Steve" button that he likes to tap on ocassion. if that is the case, it seems as though His finger's been pressed a little too hard on the "Screw Sarah" button for the last month or so.
but now we wait for grad school. and (i guess) another part of life to start.
i'm still dealing with my stolen wallet - bank debacle which will be done tomorrow (i hope). i had to close my old bank account and open a new one, but the electronic payments that take 3-5 business days to go through to my old account now don't have any funds...because the account is closed. it's a pain in my arse.
also, things were gliding along smoothly with my UMBC grad application -- my recs had already sent me their letters and i was ready to roll. come to find out, if they do a paper rec they need another form. piss. so, i had to email them again and ask them to submit the rec online. i'm now praying that they are able to do it in the next 12 days. or else, i'm SOL for UMBC. if it gets done, i'm absolutely sending them flowers. no question.
my friend steve (ok, sweater vest steve to my family) says that sometimes he thinks that God has a "Screw Steve" button that he likes to tap on ocassion. if that is the case, it seems as though His finger's been pressed a little too hard on the "Screw Sarah" button for the last month or so.
but now we wait for grad school. and (i guess) another part of life to start.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
utili-mattress (and other things learned in 2009)
too much has gone on in 2009, quite frankly. because i don't make resolutions in any far-reaching way, a short list of things i've learned (both the easy way and the hard way) will suffice. otherwise, we'd all be here for years. and i'm not THAT interesting.
- moving sucks. after moving 4 times this year, it doesn't get any more streamlined. as you all know from my ikea-related posts, creating a small life for myself has come with many hours packing and unpacking cars (both the jeep i drove for a bit and blue steel), asking friends and relatives for their trucks, and trying to buy only the necessities for living. (a relative fail given the 30-odd candles i've acquired from another ikea blackout).
- bars tend to be my natural habitat. yes, douchebags abound in every region of the country (it's not just the south, although you might think it from my posts), in every bar in this country, but i am a person enlivened by people in bars being merry and dancing foolishly. and no mom, i don't go out every weekend and get hammered, i go out to dance, observe, and laugh. and get better practice at talking to strangers.
- an air mattress as the only piece of furniture gives me even less motivation to make the bed. my utili-mattress is coffee table, chaise lounge, couch, and dining room chair. i'm always on it when i'm at my apartment, so i might as well be surrounded by blankets. soon and very soon the utili-mattress which catch on like wildfire and the furniture industry will take a huge hit. my prediction for 2010.
- if you are genuine, work hard, and make people smile your life will be even more blessed than you imagine. after moving across the country and coming back for the Weakley Holiday party, i wasn't expecting too many people to show up or care about what i'm up to. it, though, was a huge success, with people coming out of the woodwork and being genuinely happy to see me. i attribute this to 1.) the copious amounts of alcohol and 2.) Andy and I's uncanny ability as a twin team to make people laugh and throw a damn good party. if you are good, others will be good to you. i could give you many more examples of this, but i'll refrain.
- i want to spend my life getting paid to have an opinion. this, i suppose, is why Public Policy/Public Administration is so appealing to me: i want to analyze programs, figure out why they suck (or don't suck) and hopefully have someone high up (Congressmen) listen to me. a big dream -- but hey, dare to dream.
- friends matter. new ones, old ones, and ones you haven't seen in a long time. i tried this year to invest my time, energy, and thoughts cultivating and growing friendships. friends of all types saved me in my saddest and loneliest times. nothing matters more.
- money alone will not make you happy. ever.
- to take bigger and scarier risks. yep, not everything has worked out. but the sheer personal contentment i've gained by listening to my gut has paid off. and i think it always will.
- call your family. they're not going anywhere, and once i got past the teenage angst and pretentiousness the whole clan is pretty cool.
- don't open a Washington Bank of America account and move across the country.
- study for standardized tests (unless you're Andrew Smith)
- go ahead, have another beer. it won't kill you.
- moving sucks. after moving 4 times this year, it doesn't get any more streamlined. as you all know from my ikea-related posts, creating a small life for myself has come with many hours packing and unpacking cars (both the jeep i drove for a bit and blue steel), asking friends and relatives for their trucks, and trying to buy only the necessities for living. (a relative fail given the 30-odd candles i've acquired from another ikea blackout).
- bars tend to be my natural habitat. yes, douchebags abound in every region of the country (it's not just the south, although you might think it from my posts), in every bar in this country, but i am a person enlivened by people in bars being merry and dancing foolishly. and no mom, i don't go out every weekend and get hammered, i go out to dance, observe, and laugh. and get better practice at talking to strangers.
- an air mattress as the only piece of furniture gives me even less motivation to make the bed. my utili-mattress is coffee table, chaise lounge, couch, and dining room chair. i'm always on it when i'm at my apartment, so i might as well be surrounded by blankets. soon and very soon the utili-mattress which catch on like wildfire and the furniture industry will take a huge hit. my prediction for 2010.
- if you are genuine, work hard, and make people smile your life will be even more blessed than you imagine. after moving across the country and coming back for the Weakley Holiday party, i wasn't expecting too many people to show up or care about what i'm up to. it, though, was a huge success, with people coming out of the woodwork and being genuinely happy to see me. i attribute this to 1.) the copious amounts of alcohol and 2.) Andy and I's uncanny ability as a twin team to make people laugh and throw a damn good party. if you are good, others will be good to you. i could give you many more examples of this, but i'll refrain.
- i want to spend my life getting paid to have an opinion. this, i suppose, is why Public Policy/Public Administration is so appealing to me: i want to analyze programs, figure out why they suck (or don't suck) and hopefully have someone high up (Congressmen) listen to me. a big dream -- but hey, dare to dream.
- friends matter. new ones, old ones, and ones you haven't seen in a long time. i tried this year to invest my time, energy, and thoughts cultivating and growing friendships. friends of all types saved me in my saddest and loneliest times. nothing matters more.
- money alone will not make you happy. ever.
- to take bigger and scarier risks. yep, not everything has worked out. but the sheer personal contentment i've gained by listening to my gut has paid off. and i think it always will.
- call your family. they're not going anywhere, and once i got past the teenage angst and pretentiousness the whole clan is pretty cool.
- don't open a Washington Bank of America account and move across the country.
- study for standardized tests (unless you're Andrew Smith)
- go ahead, have another beer. it won't kill you.
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