quandry

after 4 days of the modem/installation CD in a box, 1 day of installation CD in computer, and 1 hour on the phone after 12 hours of work today, i finally have internet at my house. this not only affirms the fact that i will never be able to set up electronic equipment without the aid of a qualified individual (although the directions are meant for 12 year olds), but now also instills the fear of unplugging my computer. i want to get a wireless router so i can move my computer from the dining room table (which i was able to put together, hooray me!), but i honestly don't think my heart can handle another week of this crap. i also am afraid of taking my computer to another location. very afraid.
what is also disheartening is that i now have no real need to go to the coffee shop downtown, which means i am not forced to stare longlingly at the hot barista(s). there's a part of me that will miss that.

bass

i'm awaiting the arrival of my car - Blue Steel - from Washington. apparently it was picked up last night and hopefully will get here within the next two weeks. they didn't really give the best estimate of time to my parents, so we'll see what happens. i hope that it comes before i head to the northwest.

since then i've been driving a Jeep, my uncle's Jeep to be exact. it is bright yellow. it gets terrible gas mileage. i am not a Jeep person, i've decided. but, you take what you can get. it's stereo system is also a little wacky. apparently greg bought the Jeep from a kid who decided to put giant subwoofers in the back and a touch-screen (really?!) faceplate. needless to say, i inadvertantly press the wrong thing on a daily basis. i also can't particularly figure out how to turn the bass down, so it is very loud.

it doesn't help that the Jeep is yellow and i am a young person, but the bass has caused many a dirty look from older folks. when i feel like i'm listening to the radio at a reasonable volume, it sounds like the outside of a fun friday circa 1999 and "Miami" by Will Smith is being blared at full blast. or, the outside of the Rollarena...basically ever. so there i am, sitting at a stoplight listening to the radio for a song that i love- necessitating FULL volume - and another dirty look comes my way. "stupid kids..." i bet they say. the bass is blaring, i can't figure out how to turn it down and at this point i've stopped caring. "those kids and they're hip-hop crap..."

no no, oh no. i'm blaring "Red Red Wine" by UB40. ima balla.

share

although english major i may be, i was never one of those who would lock myself away and read ancient copies of Poe or write term papers for months about vampires in 19th century lit. just not my bag.
but, i love poetry. i don't consider myself extremely well read in the genre at all and i couldn't recite any really good poem, but poems are great because they make you think. they also, more than any other writing, make me stop and breathe for a bit. i know that i mentioned kay ryan in a post last july about writer's workshops that people got a little hyped up about, but i never really put down any of her poetry. it's really good, and the words are chosen just perfectly. this is one of my favorites (and yes, it made me cry)

THINGS SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD
A life should leave
deep tracks:
ruts where she
went out and back
to get the mail
or move the hose
around the yard;
where she used to
stand before the sink,
a worn-out place;
beneath her hand
the china knobs
rubbed down to
white pastilles;
the switch she
used to feel for
in the dark
almost erased.

Her things should
keep her marks.
The passage
of a life should show;
it should abrade.
And when life stops,
a certain space—
however small —
should be left scarred
by the grand and
damaging parade.
Things shouldn't
be so hard.

favorite line: by the grand and/damaging parade. and the china knobs rubbed down to white pastilles. mmmm....

i know, i know

at this point y'all probably think that i'm never going to write on my blog again. well, YOU were wrong.
i don't have internet at my apartment yet (i literally just have one twin bed that looks very camp lutherhaven-style)...and that's it. i still don't know if i want to get a tv, mostly because i think i can live without it. and it's another thing to buy and THEN keep paying for.
the more exciting news is that i'm going to start tutoring again! ever since i stopped working at WSU, i've really been missing the whole idea of doing something GOOD for people. after working for a company like Fluor for two months, i don't think i'm really cut out to be an executive. i can't see how they truly believe they're doing any good for people. there's really no tangible evidence of goodness by making productivity betterment initiatives and writing nonconformance reports. i'm not saying these are not bad people, and maybe those executives are more sophisticated than me: they can come up with some abstract reason why they really are making a difference. they don't have to see it, they just know.
well, i don't. i have to be able to not only see the lightbulb going off, i have to be talking people, teaching people. doing something. i know that when it's all said and done i'm going to be a teacher. i just don't know quite how i'm going to get there. but, really, i don't usually do things in the most direct way. much like my writing, sometimes my life goes around and around the fence and only SOMETIMES finds the gate.
so, i finally got my patootie in gear and called the Greenville Literacy Association. i went yesterday and observed a pre-GED social studies group. i'll be in training for 8 hours over the next two weeks and then i'll be teaching Adult Basic Ed/ pre-GED courses! at this point i think i want to do writing, reading, or social studies. but, if they need me to rock the fractions class, i will.
the need here is great too. south carolina has the highest high school drop out rate, which makes me upset because the damn governor won't take the stimulus money to maybe even attempt to give any money for a good cause (google him, it's ridiculous). so yeah, i'm feeling good about that. filling up my time with a lot of stuff. still adjusting to everything here (yikes) and look forward to making new friends.
mostly though, i like the students at Greenville Literacy. they're democrats. they get it.

a comfy spot

it's friday and i'm not at work! my boss and the other guy in my group are currently driving in myrtle beach so i don't really have anything to do at work today. so, i got to sleep in until 9 today! woo hoo!
i still currently don't have a place to call my own home yet. i have a few apartment places i'm going to call today about leases, but the big question is if i'll be able to do a month to month thing. or, how much it will cost to break a lease. it would be nice to just get a job in GV (that's greenville from now on, by the way team) permanently, but i'm still happy as a clam just being here until july too. i'll be getting more work with the contracting part of the project, so i guess i'll be learning more about proposals and stuff. doesn't sound exciting to you, probably, but i'm looking forward to it. and, that means i'd work closely with the HOT contracts administrator. booya. we shall see.
it's raining here today-- seattle rain but about 55 degrees and a little balmy. i love it. everyone else hates it, but if you have a sweet Marmot jacket things cannot go wrong (big ups to bre for helping me pick out the jacket). i'm also currently in an underground coffee shop with my computer, my headphones, a book, and an americano.
best. morning. ever.

i'll keep y'all (hehe) posted on the address situation. currently i live in my friend betsy's spare room and out of the jeep. what an adventure.

what's important

big miscommunication with the new roommate, so i don't have a place to live as of now. i'm thinking of just getting an apartment by myself. it will be less stressful, i imagine. we'll see what's easiest at this point.
i'm taking care of the two most terrible yappy chihuahua's ever.
what's really important, though.
neil is getting deployed to afghanistan. i cried. i want him to be ok.

the curious case of liturgically-colored Jell-O

i was out at the weirdest breakfast restaurant with my friend Betsy last sunday. it was called "Tommy's Hamhouse" (yep, i'm officially in the South) and it was odd: it was right across the parking lot from a Baptist Church, and inside was alarmingly reminiscent of a cafeteria/huge church potluck/spaghetti feed. there were booths, yes, just like a regular restaurant, but the entire middle of the restaurant just had long plastic tables and those metal chairs with the vinyl seats added. the restaurant was so popular that they needed to add it. here's senator DeMint hangin out with the owner. check out the background. oh, and that guy is Tommy, as in Tommy's Ham House.

phenomenal. my gut reaction was to first look for the fried chicken my pastor would always bring (and of course they had fried chicken) and then run to the dessert table to check out the peanut butter bars that blanche used to make and what type of Jell-O would be served.

i was describing this to Betsy and she mentioned to me that Jell-O is just not a popular dessert/side dish item in the South. in the summer she said that it melts to easy, which i understand. what i could not understand is that she was unaware that you can put just about anything into Jell-O. i explained the cranberry-orange Jell-O mold that my mom would make for Thanksgiving for a few years (by the way, where did that disappear to, Mom? it was a fan favorite) and the church ladies who would match the vegetables/fruit to the color of Jell-O served. while i still won't eat Jell-O with vegetables in it, you really can't go wrong with strawberries and sprite in Jell-O. holy crap that's good.

and Brelin, she was mortified when i told her the mayonnaise in the green Jell-O mold story from your childhood. she said something to the effect of, "GodA'Mighty that's just unnatural."

i got home from Greenville last weekend and needed to go to the store. i made a bee-line to the Jell-O: sugar free, only 10 calories. i moved out of my apartment in seneca yesterday and ate three cups in rapid succession, guilt-free and blissful.

unfortunately though, it was red, for pentecost. i just can't bring myself to eat grape Jell-O.