Sarah with an Air-uh

new blog!

2010-08-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

hey ---

due to unexpected asian porn hacking, i have a new blog.

go to www.sarahwithanairuh.blogspot.com for the new musings.

thoughts along the road

2010-07-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

Sunday night, July 25

you know it's bad when you can smell yourself, and your self doesn't smell good.

i'm in a hotel in charlotte, NC with charita (road dawg extraordinaire) 100 or so miles into the slog back to baltimore. tomorrow, 8 hours of driving the 14' truck with no cds and no co-pilot.

last night in greenville was awesome - i was able to see my friends and my favorite relatives and i realized that visiting really is the best way to appreciate the South. a few days, then i'm good to go. and in typical sarah weakley fashion, i managed to drink far too much and this morning came a tad too early.

notably, we managed to see both a seersucker shirt (on my friend jamie) and white linen pants (on my friend graham). southern mission accomplished.

oh(!) and i bought my mayonnaise. Duke's. i don't care how unhealthy it is, i love mayonnaise on sandwiches. and for a girl who eats as many tuna sandwiches as i do, it matters. there is also 100 calories in 1 tablespoon.

---

Monday, July 26

8 hours of driving, ugh. i only had to put in the i-pod once, in the middle of virginia where apparently gospel radio only exists. otherwise, i heard THREE Hall and Oates songs, i did not hit any animals, and hit dc before rush hour. i gloated.

charita and i also unloaded all my crap from the u haul in under and hour, went to home depot to get the plywood for my bed ( the box spring won't fit down the stairs...errrg), and then..

the only regret.

we were feeling so accomplished that at 8pm we started to put together an IKEA dresser. this project was abandoned in another hour after much swearing. do not attempt this. you will want to cut your eyes with the picture-only directions. (but we know how i feel about IKEA).

---

Wednesday, July 28

i attempted work. i sound like a phlegmy Stevie Nicks and am tired all over.

this will not bode well for the housewarming party we are throwing on friday.

helicopters and schmaltz

2010-07-20T17:02:00.000-07:00

if you have been lucky (?) enough to be following the bachelorette this season, know that i am one of your ranks. this is one of the only seasons i have watched, and it all began so benignly -- joy and i park in front of the tv, we pick favorites and mercilessly mock the 25 dudes who were foolish enough to be humiliated on national television. it's unfortunate that now most of those voted off have become a slogan, "the weatherman," "canadian d-bag" "weird voice 'guard and protect your heart' guy," etc. poor fellas.

joy and i also knew, though, that we would end up watching every episode. and i have. am i proud? no. will i watch the finale? absolutely.

that being said, there are a few qualms:

- helicopters. with every episode, there is a helicopter date and this last episode she remarked on the romantic-ness of the helicopter date. it is as if this is the only viable form of transportation when you are dating someone. you know what would be refreshing, and truest to life? they put these two in a '99 Ford Focus with a tape deck ONLY and tell them they have to drive from pullman to the tri-cities. then we'll see who's madly in love. i say one of them bails when they are stuck behind a semi going 45 near Dusty, WA.

- background music. this only serves to make an awkward quasi-romantic situation less so. i understand that you need some audio filler when a dude is stammering out that, "uhhh...i don't usually do this...but...uh...i think i might uh...be falling for you." good lord - you came on to the show knowing you'd have to spill your guts for good tv, now hop to it.

- the frank situation. for those of you who haven't heard about this, one of the dudes got to the last three and then decided he loved his ex-girlfriend in chicago. fine, whatever. but this d-bag has the balls to cry about the situation. YOU are dumping HER. no matter how hard you cry, i will not feel sorry for you. and NO-- she shouldn't ever forgive you.

- champagne. i saw ali and chris (one of the last two) FINALLY drinking a beer together. that is life. no one drinks that much champagne unless you're christening a boat or at a new year's eve party. even then, it's bad champagne. mimosas, maybe. drink some beer -- PBR would be fine (it's union made!).

- the team psychiatrist. chris harrison (the host) usually has the heart to hearts with the bachelor/bachelorette, that's fine. but when did he become the shoulder to cry on for both ali and the other dudes who have ex-girlfriend issues? or let alone, the authority on "following your heart"? i'll make sure to give mr.harrison a call if i'm not sure i'm in a good relationship or not. he seems to have all the answers.

and finally ---

the whole premise that ali "can't find anyone" and "always gets her heart broken" and that "this is the only way to find love." she's 25. 25?! and her love life is apparently over, no hope left. well put a fork in me friends, because it looks like i'm doomed to be alone forever according to the almighty bachelorette.

if you need me, you can find me on my air mattress with my PB&J sandwich and orange juice, wallowing in my lack of romantic promise.

the King

2010-07-09T07:30:00.001-07:00

those of you that know me know that i love sports. i write extensively on this topic, most notably my dreams of working as a sportscaster.

this dream might have been ruined last night.

not only has almost every sports journalist spent far, FAR too much time on the LeBron James free agent debacle, the 60 minute ego-fest last night was the final straw. it's as if there are no other games being played. remember the World Cup? Tennis? Baseball? (a sport i don't even particularly enjoy.) sports happen EVERY DAY. there are thousands of contests being played every day at every level, and yet the only news worthy of reporting on is where LeBron will try to win a championship for the next few years. i would've rather heard reporting on the Tri-Cities U-14 Rec League soccer game than this buffoonery. (always put your money on the Scorpions. always.)

this circus has forced me once again to turn my back on professional basketball. when there are exciting Finals (see: Lakers vs. Celtics, 2008 and 2010) my hopes rise after a three year hiatus from the game. but then, like a jilted lover who realized AGAIN that my significant other went back to their ex, i slink away -- downtrodden, ashamed that i could be so foolish.

the sensationalism is too much for me. LeBron is good, yes. we all know this. but surely there is something else.

looks like it's back to hating professional basketball. it was a good month, NBA.

*Editorial correction

2010-07-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

* Upon a cool down and a digital tongue lashing, this blog rescinds its comments regarding 7th grade badminton partner that have been removed from the previous post. The writer was very much in rant-mode at the time, and her comments only further reflect her bitterness.
Best,
Sarah *

social media makes me...

2010-06-25T12:02:00.000-07:00

feel bad about myself sometimes.

i'm assuming that back in the day (pre-2005) if you didn't deliberately keep in contact with someone they dropped from your mental radar. had a class together freshman year of college? cool - see ya around, maybe. high school crush? relegated to storytelling moments for social gatherings. that high school crush is getting married? i wouldn't know until they bring their wife to the reunion 20 years from now.

but now social media is making it worse, especially this "married/engaged" thing. i know, i know, i don't want to get married any time soon. in my rational head, i know that. but why must facebook continue to throw it in my face that i, in fact, am nowhere near that time? in this season of weddings, if i have to look at another slew of pictures of the bride held up by all five of the groomsman i'm going to start shoving pencils down my fingernails. that might be less painful.

can't we go back to only knowing about people's relationships when you are invited to the wedding or if you hear if second- or third-hand? and it's not like i have talked to these now married people any time within the last three years. nope. but i know they had a wedding. i also know that they recently acquired a Yorkshire terrier and went to Napa for their honeymoon.

it's masochism at this point -- i know that i don't want to look at their wedding album but i do. i can't tear myself away. so the cycle of self-deprecation continues as long as i cannot tear myself away from the wedding album of my 7th grade P.E. badminton partner to a girl he met rock-climbing.

i think it will continue to be love-hate. without social media, where will i be able to share my witty social commentary? (sarcastic)

damn you facebook! *shakes fist at heavens*

MLA, APA or creative?

2010-06-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

the title of my mom's email to me today.

my mom is an adjunct professor at CBC for some early childhood courses, and sometimes she asks me questions about students' writing and such. mostly if she's being too much of a hard ass grader. (she used to be).

today she asked me to look over a works cited page (which these four students labeled 'Bibliography') and see if there is anything in the general realm of a citation style. there really wasn't, but this is what I had to write back to her. proof that one day i want to be a professor so i can give this kind of feedback to my students:

"Yikes.

It looks like each person did a different couple and then put them all together. The books are cited ok -- the first one is alright except the title of the book should be italicized. It looks like they attempted to use MLA format, but just started guessing when it came to the websites and articles on the websites.

The websites are painful to look at, and they should be marked down for copying and pasting a website logo in their Works Cited page. It's not that difficult to type out the website.

They probably used a MLA citation generator, but many times those can't do complicated stuff (e.g. shit from articles on a website). Hence, wrong.

if we're going on GENERALITIES, i guess give them points. but not full points. the whole thing is discombobulated.

also - it's called a WORKS CITED page, not a bibliography. you wrote bibliographies for your 4th grade report about sea turtles. (which i completely copied from national geographic, by the way).

ALSO - WIKIPEDIA?! you should outlaw that as a source. any joe blow can update that crap. it should never be quoted in a paper. you look at wikipedia when you want to figure out when the last czar of russia died, not when you're writing a college paper.

- sarah"

ducks

2010-06-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

in a row.

when i was growing up, my mom used to say this most always prefaced with, "she/he never has her..." it was annoying, yes. but now that the time for change has come upon me, i've found myself saying this both out loud and to myself a lot lately.

briefly:

- my organization is growing and needs to get their fiscal year closed out. strategic planning meeting for development and programs in a week. i am still slightly surprised that i even use the term fiscal year regularly. slowly i'm moving towards someone that likes dealing with money that isn't mine. my personal finances? they're filed in a victoria's secret shopping bag.

- i have a place to live next year that isn't in my terrible studio apartment. put down the money and we'll move in late july, early august. it's a house. with a microwave and washer and dryer. it might just be heaven. i still have to fully plan getting my crap from south carolina, but i can't wait to sleep on a real mattress. unfortunately, that punch line won't get used anymore. a small price to pay.

- school starts in a couple of months. still working on the gross money-stuff associated with it. i should prepare now to not see my friends for the next two years. but i'll be smart when i get out of there, dammit. i will.

- i'm pondering tutoring Adult Basic Ed again. i won't have a lot of time with the commuting time and school, but i think i might. i miss teaching.

but as i think about putting all these life ducks in a row, i'm reminded that so much of life is continually out of order. people are sick. friends fall away. you are misunderstood. shit gets lost. afternoons have no agenda. stuff breaks. but i have no answers, and i'm not ever going to. there's solace in that, i suppose.

9 days

2010-05-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

is it luck, or was it really time for me to leave my old job? i think a little bit of both.
nevertheless, 9 days after i got "let go" from ASTT, i got a new job. i'm now the operations manager of One World Education, an education/literacy organization working in both public and charter schools in D.C. if you haven't completely tuned out to my many "dream" musings, one of them was to work with a literacy organization in some fashion. and here we go -- it took a kind of roundabout way, but here i am.
check out their website at www.oneworldeducation.org. but if you don't have time the reader's digest version is this:
Students in both middle school and high school write reflections about any social issue they want and submit it to the volunteer corps of teachers and content specialists at One World Education. the issues range from globalization through a student's trip to Bhutan to AIDS in D.C. to bullying to growing up in Ghana to....
one student's reflection is chosen a month by the program team and the former teachers/PhDs/curriculum creators create a unit plan and curriculum about this issue for use in a classroom, with all the standards and such included too -- with the "ambassadors" reflection as the primary source text. really freakin cool, right?
right.
right now One World Education is working in 25 schools and has been going for 2 years. now they're building up the administration and infrastructure to get bigger and to reach more students. i'm so jazzed to be a part of this organization -- the idea is really cool and i think there's a lot of potential for growth. and the little writer inside of me smiles.
i'll be officially starting June 7.
i'm still not sure how this happens. but i'm always happy when it does.

p.s. - coming to visit the PNW in a few days -- ready for a weakley family wedding, catching up with old friends (anyone remember mike hinman, anyone?...yeah...), and heading up to camp to hopefully reassure the new camp counselors they, in fact, won't kill their campers. in the words of my mom, "i get tired just thinking about it."

see...

2010-05-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

...what's great about getting fired is, nothing.
nope, nothing really.

-- you walk into the room and immediately know. it's like something has died. (oh wait, it's your financial stability). and then, the person who's firing you just says blahblahblahRESIGNATIONblahblahblahJUSTKEEPITFORYOURRECORDSblahblahblahQUALITYOFPERFORMANCEblahblahblahEFFECTIVEIMMEDIATELY.

-- and then this chill comes over you. it's as if someone has decided to shake your hand with an electric fence. and leave you there like the fish out of water flopping around in that mid-90s alt-rock video (the artist escapes me).
and then, all i wanted to do was throw my chair through the window. unfortunately, it was wicker so it probably would've just bounced off the window. unfortunate.

i didn't cry, i just looked down and said, "ok then." then i bolted. then i called mom and cried.

mistakes were made on my part (we'll call them 'personality clashes') and i wish them the best. (that's the politically correct thing to say, right?)

at least they waited until two days AFTER my birthday to fire me. so that's something.

p.s. no need for a pity party. just another job.

yeah, Minnesota

2010-04-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

so, i thought that being Lutheran i would've gotten my behind to minnesota far earlier than this. i seem to have failed in that regard.
instead, i was drafted to go to a fundraising training conference for torture treatment programs, talking about sustainability in the sector, yada yada. it was good - there were a few sessions that were extremely helpful, especially the one about federal grants and how to position ourselves in the current discussion of "bending the curve" of healthcare costs that are currently driving the healthcare debate/reason behind support for the legislation and how we need to move toward a more piecemeal approach to fundraising for our issue instead of assuming that we will get all of our funding from ORRandthefactthatwecannotcontinuetostaywiththestatusquoifwewanttoreceivefederalfundinginthe futurewemustmoveforwardwithpartnersinsteadofremainingisolatedinourcentersifwearetogaintruesustainability. AAAAAANNNNND, YOU ARE NOW ASLEEP.
back? ok.
anywho, there was one fundraiser who raises $6+ million dollars a year from private foundations alone. she is a ROCKSTAR. she is even more of a rockstar because of the fact that foundation giving in the last two fiscal years has been in an insanely sharp decline - they're dropping faster than allies in Operation Iraqi Freedom circa 2003.
in the most frank and optimistic protrayal of our chances at private foundation funding in the future she gave us this gem,
"rich people are dying every day -- and you can get their money."
i haven't been this inspired in a long time.

a different kind of scary

2010-04-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

there are times when i question why i moved to baltimore. those are few and far between. unless i'm at the DMV -- in which case i incessantly question why i moved to maryland.
if i've talked to you on the phone recently, of you've been keeping score on facebook, i've been to the Maryland DMV (they call it the MVA here) more times in the last three months than i ever want to in my entire life. i've lost my wallet, therefore having to get a new maryland state license, which took 5 trips.
and now, because i had to get a new maryland license, it is against the law for me to have a car with a title and registration in another state. another bureaucratic hurdle to get over. so far, i've had to go to the DMV four times, still no new registration (with far too much detail of the saga to write here.)
i decided on the most recent trip to go to another MVA place, this time in Essex, MD a little northwest of the city. maybe it would be better.
the Baltimore City MVA is not a pleasant experience - mostly because I feel that I could get stabbed there at any moment if for some reason I cut in line. positioned squarely in the ghetto (near joy's school, in fact), the MVA people are not only snarky, they are outright rude. uncomfortable, to say the least.
hoping the Essex office would be better, i got in the car with the sincere belief that this time, this time will be the last. i get in the insanely long line at 8:30 am and mind my own business. there is an old woman who's decided to tell her whole MVA situation to anyone who'll listen (you know those people in line), and looks for someone who will respond. it sure as hell isn't going to be me. too early for that crap.
instead, it's a rather portly middle-aged man behind her with a tigger-appliqued green polo shirt and terrible mandals. they talk about MVA business for a bit, then they talk about the state of the world.

a short paraphrase:
man: well, i think the world is coming to an end pretty soon, the signs are here. we're going in the wrong direction. do you agree?
woman: yes, but those are my personal opinions.
man: well if you agree with me why don't you tell me?
woman: because those are my per....my opinions that no one else needs to know.
man: you do agree with me -- let me hear it!...well, i'll tell you why...
sarah (in her head): oh crap, here it comes. Obama's ruining the world and he's making us socialists. i'm so not ready for this.
man: it's because the U.N. is going to shut down all the churches. i believe in the Truth. do you know the Truth...i'll tell you.
sarah: oh no...takin it the religious route. this line is far too long.

i won't go any further, but here's what it boils down to -- i couldn't escape a jehovah's witness telling this first old woman and then another woman with 4 children for two hours (!) that they are wrong, they don't know the Truth (note the capital T) and that they and their children are going to hell if they don't follow the Truth. the Truth tells them these things, the end is near.

did i mention the Truth? and that i'm going to hell?

i would've rather been rudely treated by the counter attendant and had a fear of being stabbed.

i can't win.

uh-oh (dirty words)

2010-03-17T07:41:00.001-07:00

i'm taking it easy today - no need to do more work than i'm getting paid for, so today i'm attempting to hunker down and write this fatty scholarship application for george washington (clearly from this blog post i'm not making a lot of progress). scholarship applications are always a bunch of b.s. anyway, but this one is a career development scholarship, so i have to analyze the course i'll be taking in the fall and connect them with my current job and so forth. in two pages i have to tell them: 1.) why my coursework will enhance my current position, using specific examples from the courses as evidence (mind you, these are course i have never taken) 2.) why the duties performed in my current job will make me a better student (in courses i have never taken) and 3.) how this relationship will get my further towards my career goals (which i'm not quite sure of yet).
don't they understand that people go to grad school when they don't know what they want to be when they grow up? get with it, george washington -- don't play dumb with me.
regardless, i dug into the course descriptions and the classes i'll be taking in the fall and i've come to a few conclusions.
- i am not jazzed about taking economics AND applied statistics in the fall.
- i don't want to be in nonprofit fundraising FOREVER...it's nice now, but i dunno.
- i want to do policy research to help push for better urban education programs (a big dream, i know) and convince legislators to actually do something about it instead of letting kiddos in shitty schools with untrained and not good teachers continue to flounder.
- i want to work on Capitol Hill (or at least be involved in it for a good long while).

i took a look at a couple of policy research organizations in education, and i liked what i saw. problem is, this might be the nail in the coffin for future family gatherings with the Weakley clan. i might want to be a....LOBBYIST.
crap.
oh. good. lord. i hope andy won't disown me.

falling down on the job

2010-03-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

the job of reading, that is.
i finally pushed through (and loved) Lush Life by Richard Price. he is one of the co-writers for The Wire (which did nothing for Baltimore's reputation), and you could tell. the dialogue was snappy and slang-filled -- it was like watching a very very well written version of a cop show. my dad would most likely like this book, as my childhood was peppered with almost every cop/detective show that has come out in last 15 years. i was pissed when they canceled Homicide: Life on the Streets. i'm pretty sure i was the only 12 year old to mourn its passing on network television.
but more than that, the book was able to follow the tracks of two detectives in New York through their frustrations: with the friend of the victim who they thought for sure did it, canvassing the housing projects for witnesses, going into the projects filled with 10 Filipino men crowded into one room, dealing with the press, the victim's family. the novel was...grimy. my junior year English teacher told us to never say, "they painted a picture." but if Price's writing is that of an artist, he would not be Bob Ross. perhaps Pollack. lots going on, slightly upset, spattered with meaning in every paragraph. and also, i haven't read a book where i have to work to figure out the mystery myself - i love putting the puzzle of a book together, and this one was excellent.
mmm...books. i've missed you.
currently reading: John Henry Days by Colson Whitehead. i LOVED his debut, The Intuitionist. read it.

ashes (happiness)

2010-02-21T15:24:00.000-08:00

i finally was able to go to a lutheran church for ash wednesday. big ups to my Presbyterians, but i'm a Lutheran through and through.
Ash Wednesday is my favorite day in the church year for many reasons. mostly, though, it brings me back down to earth, knowing that i'm not perfect, never will be, and that i'm human. it also reminds me to come back to God, knowing that I know nothing. the ultimate humble pie-eating moment, Ash Wednesday.
this Ash Wednesday the Bishop of Delaware and Maryland, a short old guy named Theodore Schneider, gave the message. he talked of our mortality without God, not taking the grace of God in vain (which i do A LOT), and our selfishness as sin.
what i like about his section about selfishness as sin was this: that Sin is ultimately when our selves, our happiness, our fixation on "finding ourselves", doing things our way, comes before others. i am at a moment in my life where these questions come up all the time: what do i want my career to look like? do i want to move? what makes me happy? these Oprah-questions (which at her age i hope she's at least attempted to answer) are constantly around. it seems that a lot of the time i'm thinking about MYSELF. it gets exhausting.
what to do, then? how am i going to be happy? Rev. Schneider reminded me in simplest terms: happiness is not a goal, it is a byproduct. when we lose ourselves in service to others in any capacity, happiness is created. also, when we think of others first, we feel better. there is nothing more rewarding than being there in happy times, funky-blech times, sick times, and celebratory times for the people i love. i'll take those moments and conversations over constantly questioning my self and my motives. it's hard to do. and i suck at it most of the time.
but, as Rev. Schneider said, we can't look up to Him and others when we're looking at our belly button. we must remember we're not great and that others are.
ashes as a path to happiness. i like it.

the big (small) city

2010-02-14T11:39:00.000-08:00

joy told me before i moved to baltimore that it has a reputation of being a big/little city. basically, everyone runs in the same sort of circles regardless of where you work or not. there's a federal hill crew, the canton people, the fell's point people, etc., and you always end up running into the same people if you go out on a friday night to your same spot. it's understandable, i suppose, but not expected.
living in pullman for almost four years made it impossible to go out without having some sort of semi-awkward "don't i know you?" exchange, thus considerably cutting down the pool of available date-worthy men.
but moving to baltimore gave me a clean slate. no more would i be shackled by the concept of "bro codes" that would effectively cut off a whole subset of men for me to casually date.
false.
the example is last night.
i have gone on a few dates with sweater steve. he's nice, is an engineer, got his life together. but i don't want to be his girlfriend. he works at a GINORMOUS engineering firm down here, literally 10,000 employees. so doing the math, that's roughly 5,000 to 2,500 single men. (but i digress). meanwhile, i'm pretty sure he thinks we're in a committed relationship and we're headed towards relationshipville. meanwhile, i'm running for cover. i rain-checked the poor guy this weekend to avoid any valentine's day situation, and went out last night with a friend.
the bar had slim pickin's for attractive males - they were mostly skeezy, slightly pudgy mid twenties dudes. so sarah and i just danced and had a great time by ourselves- it was excellent. then, a devastatingly handsome man approaches me and we start dancing. score one for sarah.
turns out he's an engineer at the same company as sweater steve. but who isn't, really?
we do the banter, tell him i'm from washington state, this is my friend sarah (little cute cheerleader from ohio state), yadda yadda.
well, turns out at the end of the night we get to talking again he goes, "i think i know you..." weird. i've only lived here for four months, there's no way. BUT YES. he's work friends with sweater steve, they have lunch together EVERY DAY and steve has mentioned me (the sarah from washington state). meanwhile, i have to tell him not to tell steve anything about what's conspired. but i'm honest with him, "so basically, because i've gone on a few dates with steve this will never...happen...will it?" and he replies with, "it might just be weird because steve hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time...and i see him every day..." yep, yes. opportunity squelched.
potentially going on a date with the most attractive man i've talked to since i've been here?...GONE.
i rarely have awkward social situations - i thrive on bar banter. but this situation was not salvageable. little sarah mentioned to me, "that was the most awkward conversation i've been witness to...and it wasn't even my conversation."
looks like i'm back in pullman.

snowmageddon

2010-02-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

you all on the west coast have most likely been looking at the weather around the mid-atlantic -- shutting down DC, state of emergency, etc. yep, obama has deemed it snowmageddon. i like snowpacalypse.
either way the snow has stopped falling and the plows have begun - i'm not precisely sure where the snow will be plowed to, per se, but i'm assuming it will be plowed right over poor blue steel. she's already buried outside of charita's apartment complex because of the downfall, but there's absolutely nothing to be done. my only hope is that they don't have school tomorrow, because that means i'll have to dig my car out (which is blue steel, if you didn't already know). which i'm not jazzed about.
thankfully, though, i prepared for this event. charita's actual roommate doesn't really live here (she's with her boyfriend in fell's point most of the time) so i've moved in. charita's accepting payment in the form of me doing dishes, we both made snow weekend to-do lists, and i've introduced charita to a few new things in the past few days that i feel pretty pleased with:
1. almonds in green beans. i'm still trying to come around to the idea of canned green beans (which i think are pretty gross) so i had to add sliced almonds to the mix. mom would always put it in the frozen green beans growing up and i hated them. now, each bite of almonds made the canned version more bearable. concessions were made.
2. when harry met sally - i still have a friend here who hasn't seen it, but more importantly, this movie is beginning to be a prerequisite for my friendship. there are so many references i make on a daily basis (e.g "the white man's overbite") that no one would understand if they haven't seen the movie. i also don't enjoy making reference to something and getting to confused and awkward look in the middle as i begin laughing -- it's selfish, i know. so sue me. i've seen the movie roughly 20 times and i still get choked up at the end when she says, "and i hate you harry, i really hate you."
3. peanut butter and honey sandwiches. if it was awesome when you were seven, it will be awesome forever.
and what have i been introduced to this snowmageddon?:
1. the beauty of consulting jobs: yep, i'm getting paid sitting on charita's couch researching foundations. it really is the way to go.
2. the convenience of the Keurig single cup coffee/tea maker - i have been enjoying this for the past two days because charita doesn't drink coffee, and i'm understanding the craze. while the coffee is stronger than i am used to, it makes me only have one cup instead of 5. this is helpful.
3. the pot-smoking scene in The Breakfast Club. i've only ever seen this whole movie on TBS, not the full thing on DVD--therefore, it was censored. i now understand that Emilio Estevez dances around like a crazy person in the library because he's high. i thought it was a footloose-esque moment (which gets old quickly), but there is a reason. this enlightened me more than i thought it would.

a tiny commentary

2010-01-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

i'm glad i can't vote in massachusetts -- hell, i don't really know where it is on a map.
but i do know that i've been hearing a lot of hubub about the Martha Coakley flop on Tuesday, and quite frankly, i'm not too worried. the supposed "super majority" that Dems had in the Senate really wasn't doing much good on healthcare reform anyhow (oh hey, public option...apparently you don't exist anymore) and not every Democrat is going to vote down party lines anyhow...effing Lieberman.
regardless, Coakley just sucked it up big time. she thought she had it in the bag, but when you suck at running a campaign and assume that people are going to vote for a Democrat because it's Massachusetts you have another thing coming. you're not Ted Kennedy. the end.
and really, Republicans are more pissed off nowadays about life in general. and you know what pissed off people do? vote. i feel like Democrats are just disheartened at this point...at least this one is.
Gail Collins continues to wittily (a word? i'm not sure, but i'm using it) come through in her analysis of the situation:
"True, she [Coakley] seemed to have the public persona of a flounder. But if warmth and charisma were a requisite for being in the Senate, three-quarters of the members would have to go home immediately. A body where Arlen Specter can be courted by both parties is not a place that puts much premium on personal charm".
Read the whole article. It proves just how ridiculous politics is...
Why am I getting myself into this mess, again? I'm not sure. Maybe so I can guarantee that I won't marry someone in politics.

screw Sarah button

2010-01-18T16:46:00.000-08:00

things lately just have not been going my way. it's becoming typical nowadays for things to go slightly wrong, for things to not go according to plan. it's beginning to get a little old.
i'm still dealing with my stolen wallet - bank debacle which will be done tomorrow (i hope). i had to close my old bank account and open a new one, but the electronic payments that take 3-5 business days to go through to my old account now don't have any funds...because the account is closed. it's a pain in my arse.
also, things were gliding along smoothly with my UMBC grad application -- my recs had already sent me their letters and i was ready to roll. come to find out, if they do a paper rec they need another form. piss. so, i had to email them again and ask them to submit the rec online. i'm now praying that they are able to do it in the next 12 days. or else, i'm SOL for UMBC. if it gets done, i'm absolutely sending them flowers. no question.
my friend steve (ok, sweater vest steve to my family) says that sometimes he thinks that God has a "Screw Steve" button that he likes to tap on ocassion. if that is the case, it seems as though His finger's been pressed a little too hard on the "Screw Sarah" button for the last month or so.
but now we wait for grad school. and (i guess) another part of life to start.

utili-mattress (and other things learned in 2009)

2010-01-03T12:46:00.000-08:00

too much has gone on in 2009, quite frankly. because i don't make resolutions in any far-reaching way, a short list of things i've learned (both the easy way and the hard way) will suffice. otherwise, we'd all be here for years. and i'm not THAT interesting.

- moving sucks. after moving 4 times this year, it doesn't get any more streamlined. as you all know from my ikea-related posts, creating a small life for myself has come with many hours packing and unpacking cars (both the jeep i drove for a bit and blue steel), asking friends and relatives for their trucks, and trying to buy only the necessities for living. (a relative fail given the 30-odd candles i've acquired from another ikea blackout).

- bars tend to be my natural habitat. yes, douchebags abound in every region of the country (it's not just the south, although you might think it from my posts), in every bar in this country, but i am a person enlivened by people in bars being merry and dancing foolishly. and no mom, i don't go out every weekend and get hammered, i go out to dance, observe, and laugh. and get better practice at talking to strangers.

- an air mattress as the only piece of furniture gives me even less motivation to make the bed. my utili-mattress is coffee table, chaise lounge, couch, and dining room chair. i'm always on it when i'm at my apartment, so i might as well be surrounded by blankets. soon and very soon the utili-mattress which catch on like wildfire and the furniture industry will take a huge hit. my prediction for 2010.

- if you are genuine, work hard, and make people smile your life will be even more blessed than you imagine. after moving across the country and coming back for the Weakley Holiday party, i wasn't expecting too many people to show up or care about what i'm up to. it, though, was a huge success, with people coming out of the woodwork and being genuinely happy to see me. i attribute this to 1.) the copious amounts of alcohol and 2.) Andy and I's uncanny ability as a twin team to make people laugh and throw a damn good party. if you are good, others will be good to you. i could give you many more examples of this, but i'll refrain.

- i want to spend my life getting paid to have an opinion. this, i suppose, is why Public Policy/Public Administration is so appealing to me: i want to analyze programs, figure out why they suck (or don't suck) and hopefully have someone high up (Congressmen) listen to me. a big dream -- but hey, dare to dream.

- friends matter. new ones, old ones, and ones you haven't seen in a long time. i tried this year to invest my time, energy, and thoughts cultivating and growing friendships. friends of all types saved me in my saddest and loneliest times. nothing matters more.

- money alone will not make you happy. ever.

- to take bigger and scarier risks. yep, not everything has worked out. but the sheer personal contentment i've gained by listening to my gut has paid off. and i think it always will.

- call your family. they're not going anywhere, and once i got past the teenage angst and pretentiousness the whole clan is pretty cool.

- don't open a Washington Bank of America account and move across the country.

- study for standardized tests (unless you're Andrew Smith)

- go ahead, have another beer. it won't kill you.

an open letter to art garfunkel

2009-12-18T09:10:00.000-08:00

dear art -
can i call you Art? or would you prefer Mr. Garfunkel? i've listened to too many of your records for formalities, sir, Art it is.
i grew up on the music you made with Simon. the first record that i listened to obsessively was your 1980 Concert in Central Park album which i absconded from my older sister -- i still remember her name written on the CD (in all lowercase), which i believe was gifted to her by a high school friend. i think it was Tommy Tsai.
i was in 5th grade, and i'm pretty positive that I was the only 11 year old in the greater Tri-Cities area who knew every word to "The Boxer". you were the soundtrack to my personal life, and your music has followed me since my first discovery of yours and Simon's music. i have favorites, i have ones that i skip upon hearing the first chord (namely "Kodachrome" and "I Am a Rock"). because your music released and your breakup was made permanent long before i was born, it became one of my missions in life to get my peers to enjoy your music. i have been mildly successful at this.
i have something to admit, though. to you in particular.
i get annoyed when you sing lead. you are just such a much better harmonizer (usually singing a third above Simon, where you belong) than you are a lead vocalist. this is perhaps why your solo career has been dismal compared to that of your friend Simon. whenever i hear your group's epic masterpiece single "Bridge Over Troubled Water" i enjoy every part until the bridge of the song comes on -- the part that begins, "sail on silvergirl..." it is a nice change of pace that Simon becomes the background vocalist, but i kind of just want the bridge to be over.
now, i don't want to accuse you of riding on Simon's coattails for the entirety of your group's tenure, but is that the reason why you broke up? did you feel emasculated by your bandmates' far superior talent as a leading vocalist? do you think this would've been different had the band been named "Garfunkel and Simon"?
as stated earlier, i lived my childhood with The Concert in Central Park album in tow and at times i could sense your bitterness towards Simon. in one of the speaking intros to your song "American Tune" you mentioned that (i'm paraphrasing from memory here) "This is a song that is one of the only ones in the show that is not a... a Paul Simon tune." what is that supposed to mean? listen to that recording again, Art. your tone is slightly snarky.
i'm assuming now, in 2010, you're a little more adjusted than you were in 1980. it is 30 years later after all. but still, bitter is not a good color on you.
i'm not even going to go into your hair style. that's an entirely different story.
with all that said, i will sing "At The Zoo" to my children. hold that in your heart.
your #1 fan in Generation Y,
Sarah E. Weakley

p.s. to all my readers in the blogging world, listen to more Simon and Garfunkel. go on grooveshark.com and listen to the whole catalogue. simple songwriting, beautiful melodies, well thought out lyrics. i won't give you my favorite songs -- i want to you to come to your own conclusions.

typical

2009-12-14T15:30:00.001-08:00

a few things that are typical:
i completely underestimate the amount of time activities take, mostly because i am very overconfident in my planning (this, i imagine, is because i'm inwardly gloating about my ability to make a feasible plan). this makes me 11 minutes late for life.
other times, i forget the simplest details in my attempt to be efficient. (these things range from getting all the way to the train station and forget to have cash in my wallet to pay for my money-saving (and more efficient!) trip in a cab.)
both of these things happened today in the post office. my friends and i at the Loch Raven post office are well acquainted. bulk mailings for work, countless packages mailed to donors, 500 stamps purchased, all timely. but it's the holidays, and the only time for me to get to the post office is during my lunch break. this is of course everyone else's lunch break. the line is out the door.
i have all my christmas presents purchased, the flat rate shipping boxes procured and ready to be filled with wonderful items for my whole family. i got ALL my christmas shopping done for my family and it's the 14th. (read: overconfidence).
i will avoid the hellish line by using the automated postage station that i have come to know and love. so simple, so quick! poor suckers (and old people) waiting in line for 45 minutes because they don't trust technology -- i am brilliant. (read: overconfidence, gloating in head)
i'll avoid this whole line, just grab some packing tape from the wall, pack the boxes up...in five minutes all my packages (and two of joy's) are sent to the west coast.
BALLS.
i can't pay for the packing tape with the automated postage machine. i have overlooked the simple detail of buying my own packing tape at another store, instead opting to quickly grab the most convenient tape around and rabidly put together the boxes. i've epically failed at both planning and being efficient. i stand in line for 30 minutes with a crying baby ahead of me and couldn't help but laugh at myself at my folly. so typical sarah weakley.
the tape cost $3.29. $3.29 and 45 minutes is what it cost to dial my pride down a few notches.

jt

2009-12-02T13:20:00.000-08:00

the reasons to love justin timberlake continue to pile up. not only have i loved jt ever since he ditched those other four schmucks and became a solo artist (although i love NSYNC for nostalgia purposes) he was spotted by some paparazzi with an NPR shirt.
since i have now become a full-fledged lover of NPR and the interesting news they report, justin wearing this shirt makes him that much more attractive. i know, i know, we don't need yet ANOTHER reason to think JT is the greatest ever, but here it is.

check out the blog on NPR to see the NPR post "Ten Speculative Reasons Justin Timberlake Might Be Wearing this NPR Shirt"
i hope he's coming out with a new album soon. alyssa, do you know? i count on you for this kind of information.
here's to you, justin. we enjoy your shirt choices.

obligatory thanksgiving post

2009-11-29T17:56:00.000-08:00

i won't do a full year wrap up until the first of the year (which will be very epic, i feel). my moves alone are worthy of some sort of self-actualization language. but that's for later.
as most of you know, joy and i went to new york to visit andrew and mo this thanksgiving. it was my first thanksgiving away from home and my first foray into twentysomething holidays: there were eight lovely people there with various connections to andrew (joy and myself), mo his girlfriend (hannah and kelsey) and both of them (drew and drew's girlfriend). best food i've ever had. joy and i decided that choosing thanksgiving with our friend who is the best cook we know was a phenomenal choice.
here's the crew at the table (and yes, i'm behind the camera -- didn't want to deal with the self timer).
i'm thankful for these people - new friends, old friends, and old OLD friend (yes, that's bacon). the thanksgiving day parade made me feel like a little kid, as joy can vouch. i shouted "DORA THE EXPLORER!!! (with that same excitement for every other balloon) and made sure that joy looked over the crowd to take pictures of the floats. looking back at the photos, i'm pretty positive that NO ONE needs 50 pictures of giant balloons. but that's the way it goes. and yes, it did get me into the holiday spirit. here's the rockin animatronic turkey:

i guess this year i'm most thankful for knowing friends who will always be willing to let you sleep on their couch, delicious organic food AND.... tattoo parlors open at all hours and jazz clubs and shuffle board and tiffany earrings and handmade hats and laughs and belgian beer and the east village and the west village and brooklyn and central park and boots and reminiscing and weird music and marzipan and spiked cider and arts and crafts and squash and florists and co-ops that won't let you in and old bosses who text you HAPPY THANKSGIVING and getting lost with joy because we're overconfident in our skills and macy's and balloons and future trips and falafel and self-serve yogurt and gilmore girls marathons and ikea and public transportation and watching joy sleep on public transportation and french press coffee and andrew's communication style and mo and joy tap dancing and good weather and and AND.

friends who always make you feel at home.

if they taught me anything...

2009-11-23T11:50:00.000-08:00

living in the south is an experience that i will carry with me for the rest of my life. i still have furniture there, which is really the only remnant of the place i have left, but mostly i will remember the south for being one of the most politically draining experiences of my life. maybe if i lived in columbia or charleston, where there are some more democrats around, or maybe if i didn't happen to work in such a insanely Palin- Joe Wilson-loving work environment, i would appreciate it more. but i didn't.
my biggest complaint was that republicans assumed i was a democrat because i was a young woman from the West, and that i really didn't know much of anything about what the republican party believes. and only, IF ONLY, i would listen to Rush Limbaugh, i would come over to the light side and become a Republican.
well folks, that strategy failed miserably. in fact, it only emboldened my commitment to ALMOST ANYTHING other than the Republican party platform. reading the Times today, I looked at the proposed RNC Resolutions for their winter meeting. The RNC is proposing that if they're constituents don't believe in at least 7 out of 10 items, they will be at risk for not getting money from the RNC. harsh.
After peeking at the Resolutions, I can say that I disagree with every one of them. It's nice to know that I do, in fact, know where i stand in my political beliefs. now i'm not saying i'm 100% jazzed on what's going on with the Democrats, but at least I agree with their basic tenets. (and yes, Dad, i will continue to be pissed about Afghanistan-- check out the most hilarious Onion article about it here). but at least i know i'm not involved with the RNC b.s. blech.
take that South Carolina.

p-town

2009-11-17T14:23:00.000-08:00

i haven't posted in a while. i do have substantive things to say, and anecdotes (particularly about my new favorite bagel shop), but my college friend Matt Lamb, the giant discus thrower, posted this picture on facebook taken from WSU's The Daily Evergreen about drinking in Pullman and all the problems that go along with it.
The numbers really speak for themselves, and the last two truly underscore the ridiculousness of my college years.

See, Baltimore is pretty scary sometimes, but at least i don't get assaulted by Chewbacca.

avoid

2009-11-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

for the most part, i feel like i do things in an efficient manner. and when i want to do something, i do it. want to go to a concert? i will figure out how to get there and buy tickets for the team. complain you haven't seen me in forever? i'll pick a time to meet. i feel like efficiency is something i'm pretty good at.
efficiency, though, only occurs when i WANT to do something. when i don't want to do something, or feel it would take all too much effort, i am the master avoider. i will put off fixing things that are broken, cooking an actual meal for DAYS at a time, and general household/life maintenance. these avoidances finally got too much for me to handle, so i fixed some. here are these, my least favorite activities that i finally manned-up and got to doing.
- system recovery on my laptop. it's been broken for about two months now, completely out of comission by a nasty terrible virus. i've had this disk (it was the second one i ordered) for over a week. i'm just now getting my computer fixed. mostly because i'm tired of what's on my ipod. and, for those of you i talk to on a regular basis, you never have to hear about my broken computer again! (i hope)
- dealing with pants that are too long. as a short girl, this will always be a struggle. got a phenomenal pair of jeans that were 4 inches too long. yep, 4 inches. rocked the heat n bond hem. i felt domestic.
- changed my billing address with bank of america. once again, they screwed me. i couldn't just change it online, i had to hand write a letter with my signature. this seems like a bush-league operation for BoA.
items that i still haven't done, and have lived here for a month now:
- unclog my drain. yep, it's gross. i know it. i try not to think about it.
- hung up my own shower curtain. i have a cute one, but next to fixing things on my computer, it is my least favorite household activity to do. it always takes too long. i have a shower curtain that sucks and came with my apartment, but i currently have no reason to change it.
- put together: a stool, a side table, a organization thing. all ikea. and, considering the amount of posts i've dedicated to the ikea situation, there no further explanation is needed.

at this point, the only reason i will do these activities is if someone sleeps at my house. and, since i have an air mattress, i feel like these things won't ever get done until i move again.

...so, looks like i'll go to a new coffee shop instead.

here's to avoidance.

from my father, i think

2009-10-22T15:00:00.001-07:00

joy walked into my broken-in apartment last week and exclaimed, "this is a sarah apartment now." unsure of what constitutes something being "sarah," i asked her. she responded rather quickly with, "there are just piles of stuff everywhere. and not necessarily in any sort of order. just piles."
i'm not sure what sort of wisdom i can pull out of that statement, and i would be remiss to think that there is an epiphany hidden in that. but i do know that it is completely correct -- i am a woman of piles. Looking around my apartment now, i can count roughly seven or so different piles around the perimeter of my apartment. and here's the problem: i don't want to buy any more STUPID plastic storage containers. (i think this is partly from being scarred from childhood in having to consistently purge and fit things into "one plastic box." i loathed the plastic box.) once something goes in a storage container i will never take it out of there again and will have to buy a replacement for an item that i already own. case in point: handbags.
i have lots of bags - i'm pretty positive that i don't need to buy any more bags for a while, but when i was in greenville i put them in a box in my closet. i couldn't see them, therefore i would get sick of the one i would carry for a couple of months and buy a new one. would i look in the box to see if i had a suitable replacement for the bag i was sick of? nooooo. instead, i would just assume that i didn't already have one that was XYZ -- why? because the bags were hidden from my plain sight.
when things are in piles right in front of my face, i don't need to buy anything else. yes, it might seem claustrophobic to some, and it might seem without rhyme or reason (now why would there be a pile containing a flashlight, a box of checks, a still broken laptop, AND a paula abdul tape? it's the pile of misfit items, of course) -- but this lets me know i have all i need. consider it a practice in frugality.
also, i think it might be genetic: i have only dared go into steve-o's office a few times, and that man has more piles of strategically placed paper than i have ever seen. i think some have been there since 1995.
now that seems logical to me.

another reason...

2009-10-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

...to love baltimore:
the club we went to on saturday night played Whitney's, "I Wanna Dance with Somebody." joy, being the amazing friend she is, came up to me and some schmuck at the bar and said, "i don't care if you're getting a free drink, we're dancing right now."
we danced and sang to Whitney, i explord a new neighborhood that is excellent for weekends, i got nicknamed, and i only spent $20.
a great success.

when i grow up

2009-10-10T05:30:00.000-07:00

i have jobs, and this makes me very very happy. most importantly, i managed to pull together this baltimore scheme without having to work in retail. this, for me, is a big deal.
the biggest job i have is with ASTT: Advocates for Survivors of Toture and Trauma. they are doing amazing counseling and social services for those who came to the U.S. to seek asylum from war torn countries and trauma situations (think Darfur and Guatemala, for example.) i'll be the development assistant, which helps my boss molly do the day to day stuff with funder relations, fundraising, newsletter, event planning, advocating, etc. this is exactly what i want to do when i grow up. well, my boss' job is what i want to be when i grow up. but i'll get there.
check out the great work that they do: www.astt.org
i'm also doing a small project internship with Unity Productions Foundation, a media company that makes movies about Muslims and Islam to help facilitate interfaith and interethnic dialogue, hoping to increase understanding of Islam in America and gain peace through the media. a totally necessary organization in this political climate. i'm writing a report to a funder about how we spent their money to finish the film Inside Islam: What a Billion Muslims Really Think.
check out their website too, it's really interesting work they're doing: www.upf.tv

i heart working in organizations doing good.

this and that for now

2009-10-05T17:39:00.000-07:00

finally moved in (almost) to my little apartment. sometimes it's so stereotypical city apartment i can't deal with it: the stove is from 1950, my "back door" goes to the roof and then to the fire escape with really steep stairs that joy hates, there is ALWAYS a siren going off, and i'm not sure if the overhead light works. it's lovely. and it's mine.
i also successfully went to ikea today, the grocery store, and worked for fluor for 2 1/2 hours. i feel very good about these accomplishments.
signed up for the GRE again, too. october 30...let's hope i can not suck it up big time on the quantitative again.
oh, and you all should watch this clip from the daily show that andy sent me that is brilliant:
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thedailyshow.com%2Fwatch%2Fthu-october-1-2009%2Ftea-partiers-advise-g20-protesters&h=d16c530a4064f2ebe800e6b256bb32e8

rerun

2009-09-26T14:14:00.000-07:00

i feel like not long ago i told a short tale about struggling to put my ikea furniture together. well folks, here it is in reverse: now i'm struggling taking apart my ikea furniture and then figuring out how the hell to get it in storage in one piece for at least a few months. i had to get tarps for everything from the u-haul place (thanks, aunt danielle), and in typical sarah weakley fashion i failed miserably at purchasing the right size/amount of tarps and covers for my furniture. so...i have to go back to the store tomorrow (hopefully not to be greeted by the u-haul guy who asked for my phone number while getting rung up...that would be awkward, to say the least), and get just the straight up roll of plastic wrap and do a little wrapping of furniture and cushions ala christmas. thankfully, i am relatively competent in my skills in that arena, as i have wrapped the majority of the presents for both my father and brother since at least 1997 (when i took that role over from brelin).
getting a storage unit of my own today made me feel very adulty. i think this is proof of society making us believe we're more of adults the more shit we've aquired. frankly, i could chuck it all and be fine with it, save the bed. (yes folks, a pillow top matters) other than that, i bought cheap furniture because i'm cheap and i don't particularly care. i still regret the damn dining room table i never sat on -- there's really no point in me having a dining room table, as i don't cook and my dinners consist of cereal or a bagel. repasts nowhere near worthy of a table and four chairs (one of which ended up being drafted as my side table in my bedroom). but i digress.
mostly, though, all of this is a pain in the neck but this is yet another one of those adventures i've had that makes me feel like more of the person i'm going to be for a good long while. yes, i will be the person who sometimes takes "the path of least resistance" in the words of my mother, i will probably end up being a single person who doesn't see much use for a dining table or television, and i am a person who would rather do it herself. these traits can be good and bad, of course. but at least i'm starting to figure out a little bit of who i am. even if it just has to do with assembling and reassembling ikea furniture.

notes for the team:
- took the gre's today and ended up squarely in the middle. i'm most likely taking them again in october when i have more than four hours to study for them.
- offically leaving this state in 6 days. hallelujah.
- i have two interviews with non-profits when i get into town! one on monday the 5th and one on tuesday the 6th. hopefully one of them likes me.
- no more work in that cube. ever. (but, they have no replacement for me so i'm working remotely for a bit. free laptop, holla. which is good, considering my personal one is busted and the system recovery disk hasn't come yet...awesome.)
- shed a tiny tear when i said goodbye to my boss fran. he's my surrogate preppy dad at oconee.

press release

2009-09-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

if i blogged every time there was a new development with the baltimore situation, i would have to start tweeting (and I will never tweet voluntarily. if i am paid to tweet, that's another story). i would also never leave the computer or get anything logistically done in a day regarding my move.
the bullets:
- waiting to hear back on an application and deposit i put down on a studio apartment in Charles Village right by Johns Hopkins. they'll get back to me tomorrow, i imagine. they want my money.
- after a slight snafu, i have to now transfer my Bank of America money from WA to a SC account. unfortunately, the WA, ID, and CA systems of BoA aren't aligned. this equals hours on the phone with customer services reps who keep repeating, "well, we can't see your washington information." I KNOW, THAT'S WHY I CALLED YOU, i want to say. use my life as a warning for your own.
- going to court friday about a really stupid expensive ticket for nudging a car. that guy was so lame.
- applying for jobs in Baltimore/D.C. like mad.
- as of now, i have 76 hours left at my job. it's getting to the point of counting down hours, after yet another snarky comment about liberals from a co-worker. the Obama shirt on the last day will be well, well worth it.

onward and upward

2009-09-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

well folks, the AmeriCorps jobs didn't work out. that's just the way it goes sometimes. i guess i was too late signing up and all that stuff. the upside of all of this is that it finally kicked my ass into gear to do something about my life.
so i'm moving. yep, moving.
my lease is up on october 10, so i'm just gonna go to baltimore and live there until grad school. find a job, maybe take online courses (maybe not) and be happy. i'm only 22 once. yes, it will be hard, and yes, it might suck for a little while. but i'm going. i'm doing. i cannot afford to be unhappy in this place any longer. and hopefully i'll get to see joy once a week (at least on sundays).
so yep, now's the part where i plan it all out. i'm madly applying for any job in the area and hopefully will get one before i leave. if not, i'll find one.
taking the GREs here in greenville on the 26th of september, too. wish me luck. i'll be doing too many math practice problems to worry about much.
i'm excited/nervous/thrilled about my plan.

wisdom from the a-train

2009-08-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

andy (gangsta nickname a-train) and i have been emailing back and forth from work lately and he's finally caught up on all my AmeriCorps stuff/general disdain for my current job/impatience.
while discussing the idea that most people are afraid to just go out there and do what they want to do because it's not "fiscally responsible" (note: none of these people are my close friends) he said the following. i think it's hilarious, uplifting, and soooo andy:

"i say go for it, you'll be worrying about money your whole life. besides, the US will be bankrupt and the stock market will probably ruin your 401k if you start saving now anyways. let's be real for a change. wasn't it nietzsche who said, 'live dangerously'?
probably a bad example because nietsche died insane, alone, and with syphilis. but you get the drift."

so wise.

solace

2009-08-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

i'm freaking out, and it's literally only been a little over a week until i decided on this AmeriCorps adventure. an update:
- found out i needed another essay and self-reflection letter for a whole slew of positions in Baltimore. finished the essay and stuff, emailed it on Wednesday night, and waiting to get my transcripts and background check from Washington. now that i add the essay and transcripts to the application, i feel WAAAAAY better about it. i'm hoping to hear back sometime next week from them. their positions begin on September 6th, so i know that they're looking to hire people soon. woot.
that's the news about the job. in order to placate this massive amount of stress that is admittedly completely caused by my own brain, i have found a remedy that seems to work well.
Whitney Houston.
some people find solace in food, some in running 12 miles (gross)...i have found it in Whitney. don't ask me why. but, dancing and trying to belt out "So Emotional" has not only gotten me through the work week that continues to blow, but has also calmed me down. i remember that it's only been a little over a week and that i'm very qualified. and that i'm much better at tutoring kids than singing like Whitney Houston.
also, things could be worse: i could've been married to Bobby Brown and on crack. so there's that.
on a side note: i hope that Whitney has a rockin comeback. she's so freakin good.
side note 2: go to www.grooveshark.com and you can listen to any song you want any time. listen to "So Emotional" and dance around. an oft-forgotten Whitney stunner.

impatience

2009-08-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

once again, i feel one of my greatest character flaws has reared its ugly head once again. impatience has now overtaken my life after my ROCKIN weekend in baltimore with ms. b.

i've applied to now 7 official AmeriCorps positions in the DC/Baltimore area, and i want to go back so desperately, mostly because joy thinks i'm funny :) it was so refreshing to be with someone who knows you, where you don't have to continually feel like you're explaining yourself, where it's ok to be who you are. it's liberating.

i got back at midnight last night to arise at 445 this morning - needless to say, everyone at work noticed. when i checked myself in the mirror at work i thought i had mascara smeared under my eyes...but no, the dark circles didn't go away. and i was working on the monthly turd -- making me even more antsy than usual. there was a small part of me that wanted to make the grand "i quit" gesture. but that would be foolish, as i would be waiting around in greenville for an AmeriCorp position for who knows how long. as i was telling brelin earlier in discussing my waiting around for my application to get reviewed and then get a call : i really hope this Oprah "power of positive thinking" bullshit works. because if it does, i'm golden.

i feel qualified. i feel like i would be a good candidate for these jobs. it's not like i applied to become a financial analyst. but i have no idea how many people applied for each position, which does not help me gauge my cofidence in any way. could someone just give me a rough estimate? then i can know how hopeful to be.

yes, this is all i've thought about all day. and will continue to think about until i hear anything back from these jobs. it is maddening.

not just a teacher

2009-07-27T17:39:00.000-07:00

i usually go to yoga classes about 4 times a week if i'm lucky. i've gotten to the point now where i have a good system in place where i have planned the week around these events. tuesdays and thursdays are saved for liz from 7-8:30-- her classes are always a staple. she co -owns the studio with her husband brian, who founded the place about 4 years ago. i had never taken one of his classes because it was always a little too early and i couldn't make it home because of my freakishly long commute to work at a job i don't enjoy. but that is a side note.
today, though, i went to his class. i left work early (don't worry mom, i'm not charging for that hour) and decided to take a stab at brian's class. it is the same style as liz's class i LOVE and i need to switch up my life.
it was awesome. a lot of the same poses, but more intense. i can't feel any muscles in my body at the moment, and it is difficult to lift my arms (think John McCain waving).
the metaphor i use is this:
let's say it's 1985 and you've decided you want the most rockin perm on the block. you get out of the salon feeling less than good about it -- not your best decision, and clearly it shows you're not putting your all into salvaging this hair scenario. liz (tuesday and thursday teacher) is your best friend who looks at you and says, "oh sweetie...that's no good. but here, let's fix it." she is calming, she will help you breathe through this stress. she makes you feel like a million dollars, even though you look like a giant pile. brian (the teacher today) is your best friend who goes, "dear GOD what happened?! your hair looks like shit...get over here, let's fix this mess. you're doing fine, just breathe...there we go." you're still getting your hair fixed, but you're thinking about what you can do and trying perhaps a little harder yourself. no need to be placated-- you don't need that crap.
the same message gets across, the same muscles get worked, and yet a whole new perspective.
sometimes i need to be reminded that change is good - even if i end up waving like McCain.

boredom

2009-07-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

my boss, fran (short for francis) is one of the coolest people ever. he also is a great affirmer and is well aware that i'm ditching Fluor for grad school next year: because of this he tries to convince me to stay in this business. he likes to say things like, "i know you're going to be good at anything you do, but you have a great mind for this business." this is why i love my boss.
but for those who think it's crazy for me to leave this cushy job where i get paid a lot, i wish i could recite to them a part of the first two paragraphs of one of my favorite books, "And Then We Came to the End" :

"We were fractious and overpaid. Our mornings lacked promise. At least those of us who smoked had something to look forward to at ten-fifteen. Most of us liked most everyone, a few of us hated specific individuals, one or two people loved everyone and everything. Those who loved everyone were unanimously reviled. We loved free bagels in the morning. They happened all too infrequently. Our benefits were astonishing in comprehensiveness and quality of care. Sometimes we questioned whether they were worth it. We thought moving to India might be better, or going back to nursing school. Doing something with the handicapped or working with our hands. No one ever acted on these impulses, despite their daily, sometimes hourly contractions. Instead we met in conference rooms to discuss the issues of the day....

Is this boring you yet? It bored us every day. Our boredom was ongoing, a collective boredom, and it would never die because we would never die."

while that is rather dour, it is true for many days i walk into my cubicle. it doesn't matter how many affirmations i get, how many pats on the back from management for the bane-of-my-existence monthly report...it is boredom. plain and simple. and Joshua Harris says it all too well.

i'm always trying to look on the bright side, and don't worry, i'm not going to quit tomorrow. that's for a year from now or so. but i just had to share.

2009-07-15T17:48:00.001-07:00

i have no specific stories of note, but rather some musings and questions that have arisen in my life lately:

i stood at the copier, copying purchase orders for a project...there were at least 50. it took 7 HOURS. this is further evidence that i need to get the heck out of here.

stevie nicks rocks. my friend griffin says she sounds alarmingly like an malaysian pop singer, but she is great. i heard her song with don henley "leather and lace" on the radio randomly and got pissed every time don henley came on.

related to the musing above: i'm pretty sure that anything don henley released after the eagles should be banned. that, and ANYTHING BY ROD STEWART. i immediately break out in profanity only saved for dick cheney.

it doesn't matter for how long or how little you stay in a subway: you will smell like bread for the rest of the day. i would rather be honey oat than parmesan oregano. what would you be?

i've decided that i can't live in the south any longer than possible. it's not them (you) it's me.

i've discovered through yoga that i have extremely loose joints. this means my balance sucks and i can hyperextend just about everything all the time. awesome.

i'm jazzed to go visit joy in baltimore august 7th. woo!!!!

i'm tired of people saying sonya sotomayor is biased. reading the live blog of all the hearings, she is clearly not and she seems to be boring some. even lindsay graham said she would have to have a "complete meltdown" in order to not get confirmed, and this coming from a guy who defended Gov. Mark Sanford. come on. maureen dowd's column on this today was excellent http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/15/opinion/15dowd.html?_r=1, especially the part about the "GOPs shame spiral." love it. and the title "White Man's Last Stand" is just smart.

because of my job, it is becoming more clear that i am as updated on current events as ever. hours in front of a computer and the times online will do that for you.

this state is also making me more liberal...so i guess that's a silver lining.

i would go get my MPA at university of oregon just for their website. it's so pretty. i will put a little more thought into it, i guess.

still

2009-07-05T16:49:00.001-07:00

*Warning* (added after completing post) This is my occasional political rant after being reminded how messed up this all is. I do not intend to start a debate here, I merely want to remind all 3-ish dutiful readers to join me in my frustration. Thank you.

hello all -- in case you, like most of the people i live with in south carolina, forgot: we're still in iraq.
yes, we're finally pulling troops out and baghdad was FINALLY given over to the iraq army. but we're still there. and i'm still pissed about it. i try, oh yes i try, not to be too political, but i've decided to forego that option in my life until i am legally forced to keep my beliefs to myself (if it comes to that).
i, along with many, am happy we're leaving iraq and continue to be worried about afghanistan. i worry because this president (who i am a fan of overall, obviously) has ramped up afghanistan operations. i'm afraid of not just americans dying, but all people dying. is there no value to a human life? i guess it matters what you are. i don't think i'm the only one who's mad here.
sometimes in the south, though, it makes me wonder if anyone in the red part of this state i'm living in is pissed. when we were in subway at lunch and forced to watch Fox News with (your friend and mine!) Dick Cheney blathering about Obama making America "less safe," a coworker said to me after my knee jerk response of "Dick Cheney is the antichrist" (it happens frequently): "well, at least when Cheney was in office we knew the terrorists weren't winning." because that statement clearly ends the conversation.
the biggest question i have after a statement like that is: HOW DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO'S WINNING AND LOSING?
clearly there really is no way to judge, as the iraq quagmire has gone on for 6 more years than necessary and afghanistan is getting worse by the day.
and people are dying. for what? for what?
i was thankfully reminded to be pissed again by this blurb from AP in the Times Today about the number of American deaths in Iraq http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/07/05/us/AP-US-Iraq-US-Deaths.html
now i understand why my dad still gets mad every time Vietnam or Nixon is brought up. i'm going to be mad for a long time too about this, assuming that the world won't end before i can tell my kids about this.
i at least know steve-o's with me.

aunt mary

2009-06-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

i'll give you a run down on my freaking phenomenal colorado trip in the near future, but i forgot to tell everyone this little gem of information.

my aunt mary kicks ass.

she goes to one of those pretty big churches around here. not particularly my style, but they sing nice songs about jesus and i try to imagine that i'm outside at camp lutherhaven or my brother is attempting to sing next to me. that helps. i like to go because the music is great, and worship has always been about music for me; but i do have a confession. sometimes i get distracted.

there is a cute guitar player. this is the part of the worship where i totally feel like a little teenage girl at camp and stop listening to the music. instead i think about him being my boyfriend. but unlike teenage girls at camp, i squint my eyes to the stage to see if he has a ring on his left finger, which he DOESN'T (score). this is a skill i'm getting extremely good at. my friend mara, who i visited in colorado, was amazed at my ability to spot a married man. it's a gift.

so i showed up to mary's house the other sunday because i was hungry and didn't want to cook dinner and she informed me that she is trying to set me up. WITH THE HOT GUITAR PLAYER. here's the thing though -- i hadn't told a soul about the semi church crush on the guitar player, mary just happened to think that he would be someone i would like. it's true though, typical sarah type: church guy, guitar player, kinda scruffy, skinny, tallish. soooo typical. and so great.

i thought it would end there. i figured that mary was merely talking to the secretary that works with him (he's the assistant worship pastor) and mentioned me, assuming that would be the end of it. mary apparently is not giving up. i asked her today about it, just to be funny and razz her a little bit for it, and she informed me that she WROTE AN EMAIL ABOUT ME to the secretary that is going to pass it to hot guitar player. i still don't know his name, but i'm guessing the entire church office will soon know mine.

i'm not really concerned about it and i honestly don't think i will ever meet this guy (my charm doesn't come across as well on paper), but the best part is when i asked mary what my selling point was. she said,

"i basically wrote that you're not a southern girl, but you clean up well. i didn't mention the tattoo. that should be a good thing. he doesn't seem like he likes the southern type, given his appearance."

at least i clean up well, dirty hippie that i am. thanks, mary :)

music schizophrenia

2009-06-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

once again, friday i didn't work (i slept for 11 hours, proof that i normally wake up at an ungodly hour) and moseyed to my coffee shop, coffee underground. i have mentioned before that i enjoy this place because it reminds me of the northwest, although clearly not in the expeditious fashion of bringing beverages to you. regardless, i also enjoy it because all the music is chosen my the baristas. unlike the same cd that plays in every starbucks you go into (which i'm surprised doesn't make the baristas want to put their head on a pike), the customers get a little taste of who the baristas are.

in moscow, the coffee shop where this practice was most prevalent was one world cafe. courtney would usually play some feminist rants (ala fiona apple), sarah would rock with usually some chill pink floyd or zeppelin, and evan (our favorite gay barista) would destroy all hopes of studying with a ridiculous dance-electronica nightmare. and yes, he made sure to play the britney spears album as soon as it came out.

this led andy and i to check out who was behind the counter before we decided to stake our studying claim at one of the tables. if it was evan, it was sisters' brew for us (which i've already discussed would play this weirdest elevator musak ever).

in this way it's exciting to go to coffee underground. friday, though, the music was frenetic at best.

i didn't manage to write down all the songs, but they would switch from 90s to oldies to 80s and back again, with zero regard for genre continuity. it went from "the heat is on" by glen frey (ugh) to a chuck berry song to "maniac" from the flashdance soundtrack (trivia: name the artist) and then to something by hootie. it was quite possibly the oddest string of songs put together in one half hour block...and yet i couldn't leave.

the music was so distracting, so mysterious, that i had to keep listening. i was done with my iced tea (which means i had been there for no less than two hours) and i had no other grad schools to peruse, but yet i was grouted to my chair. i have the same feeling when i see a large woman in tight leopard print clothing: you want to leave, yes, you want to run and hide...but you can't. maybe there will be disaster. maybe the woman might literally FALL OUT of her ensemble, and maybe the next song the barista plays will be german death-metal and the old southern women in the coffee shop will revolt.

now i understand fully why the ipod shuffle was invented.

BBQ

2009-05-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

well kids, i'm staying her through the end of the year. that means if you have any funds, you should come visit. the fall will be really pretty.

yesterday my lunch consisted of BBQ pork sandwich with hot sauce, macaroni and cheese, fried okra (my first time, not too bad), a couple hush puppies (also delicious), and UNsweet tea. in greer, SC. don't look it up, it's not a destination.

i went to a BBQ on memorial day and saw my first whole pig being roasted in a cinder-block contraption. yep, the whole pig. teeth bared, eyes still there. the middle cut open ad splayed out. it was only a 55-pounder. apparently they usually do the 100-pounder. as a southern-BBQ virgin, my friend griffin gave me the first piece cut right from wilbur.

my word it was delicious. the flavoring was n.carolina style BBQ, with simply vinegar, cider, and red pepper flakes. best meat i have ever eaten. i cannot be a vegetarian here. it's that simple.

and yes, i'm starting to like it here. (the BBQ helps).

tootie

2009-05-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

well folks, it's not even officially summer weather here in SC, but i'm already feeling impending hair-doom. right now it's 80 degrees and overcast, which means all the humidity in the air just hangs out and destroys your coiff. while never being a huge fan of hair products in general, i have now become a convert. max hold hairspray seems to be one of the only ways to control the half straight-half frizz hair that i have from complete frizz out.

my biggest fear in this situation: looking like tootie from the facts of life to refresh your memory: my word. at least i don't have the headgear.

green Necco wafers taste like Pine-Sol smells

2009-05-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

the next time i visit home, i will try not to hit 4 cities that are at least 2 hour drives from one another. i was so freakin exhausted when i got back to my apartment, i just checked my mail yesterday. that is pathetic.

but while i was home i remembered just how great everyone was: when you're away from those people that know you best for long periods of time and you're surrounded by people that still inhabit the, "if i say this, will this person think I'm _________?" zone of friendship, it gets tiring. it was great to remember that there are some people around that will always get it. they will always think you're funny, they won't make you feel self-conscious or a terrible person for being a DEMOCRAT, and they will love you in the silences.

one person i didn't see enough of was my dad, good ole steve-o. because he was shuttling between new orleans and d.c., all i saw him was for andy's commencement in idaho (what a terribly boring and painful situation) and it was then that i remembered just how goofy (read: awesome) he is.

number 1: he dozed off at least 7 times during graduation with the same look he has when the sermon has gone on for 20 minutes too long. he folds his hands in his lap as his body language says he's listening...but the eyes are closed. like i said to him, "another graduation, another nap."

number 2: he and i both hate the same public speakers. the commencement speaker, representative walt minnick, started off talking about the state of idaho and veered quickly onto nuclear weapons (both iran and n.korea were name-dropped) and then continued to randomly add famous people into the speech, as if that was going to make it any less painful. every time another random person was mentioned (ex: Jonas Salk) dad would quip, "ah-- another idahoan." classic steve-o. pop also mentioned that although nuclear weapons were mentioned, the Boogeyman that naturally follows the nuclear arms talk was merely implied.

(note-- as the whole family is aware, i, along with all friends, was very hungover at the ceremony. when i get hungover i laugh at the drop of a hat and am not able to control the tears of laughter that come streaming down my face. just seeing my dad in all his ridiculous glory made me convulse and smear my makeup).

but i digress. number 3: my dad busted out a roll of Necco wafers he bought in Dusty specifically for this event. i am pretty positive he is still the only person who eats this particular candy, and he FREAKIN LOVES THEM. i was telling my uncle greg about this, and he had no idea what they were. point proven.

number 3a: while eating the Necco wafers, he offered some to both myself and alyssa, and did the typical hand the pack/quickly draw it back move common with grandpas. although he is not yet a grandpa, the sheer fact he does this AND eats Necco wafers is proof that he will be an awesome one. thus began my makeup smearing. i also predict that he will be the old guy at church that goes up to little kids and says, "i got your nose." it's only a matter of time-- and i am waiting with bated breath for it.

home

2009-05-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

i'm heading back to washington for a week in less than twelve hours.
i have never been so excited to be cold and possibly rainy.
people there just get it.

quandry

2009-05-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

after 4 days of the modem/installation CD in a box, 1 day of installation CD in computer, and 1 hour on the phone after 12 hours of work today, i finally have internet at my house. this not only affirms the fact that i will never be able to set up electronic equipment without the aid of a qualified individual (although the directions are meant for 12 year olds), but now also instills the fear of unplugging my computer. i want to get a wireless router so i can move my computer from the dining room table (which i was able to put together, hooray me!), but i honestly don't think my heart can handle another week of this crap. i also am afraid of taking my computer to another location. very afraid.
what is also disheartening is that i now have no real need to go to the coffee shop downtown, which means i am not forced to stare longlingly at the hot barista(s). there's a part of me that will miss that.

bass

2009-04-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

i'm awaiting the arrival of my car - Blue Steel - from Washington. apparently it was picked up last night and hopefully will get here within the next two weeks. they didn't really give the best estimate of time to my parents, so we'll see what happens. i hope that it comes before i head to the northwest.

since then i've been driving a Jeep, my uncle's Jeep to be exact. it is bright yellow. it gets terrible gas mileage. i am not a Jeep person, i've decided. but, you take what you can get. it's stereo system is also a little wacky. apparently greg bought the Jeep from a kid who decided to put giant subwoofers in the back and a touch-screen (really?!) faceplate. needless to say, i inadvertantly press the wrong thing on a daily basis. i also can't particularly figure out how to turn the bass down, so it is very loud.

it doesn't help that the Jeep is yellow and i am a young person, but the bass has caused many a dirty look from older folks. when i feel like i'm listening to the radio at a reasonable volume, it sounds like the outside of a fun friday circa 1999 and "Miami" by Will Smith is being blared at full blast. or, the outside of the Rollarena...basically ever. so there i am, sitting at a stoplight listening to the radio for a song that i love- necessitating FULL volume - and another dirty look comes my way. "stupid kids..." i bet they say. the bass is blaring, i can't figure out how to turn it down and at this point i've stopped caring. "those kids and they're hip-hop crap..."

no no, oh no. i'm blaring "Red Red Wine" by UB40. ima balla.

2009-04-17T08:02:00.000-07:00

although english major i may be, i was never one of those who would lock myself away and read ancient copies of Poe or write term papers for months about vampires in 19th century lit. just not my bag.
but, i love poetry. i don't consider myself extremely well read in the genre at all and i couldn't recite any really good poem, but poems are great because they make you think. they also, more than any other writing, make me stop and breathe for a bit. i know that i mentioned kay ryan in a post last july about writer's workshops that people got a little hyped up about, but i never really put down any of her poetry. it's really good, and the words are chosen just perfectly. this is one of my favorites (and yes, it made me cry)

THINGS SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD
A life should leave
deep tracks:
ruts where she
went out and back
to get the mail
or move the hose
around the yard;
where she used to
stand before the sink,
a worn-out place;
beneath her hand
the china knobs
rubbed down to
white pastilles;
the switch she
used to feel for
in the dark
almost erased.

Her things should
keep her marks.
The passage
of a life should show;
it should abrade.
And when life stops,
a certain space—
however small —
should be left scarred
by the grand and
damaging parade.
Things shouldn't
be so hard.

favorite line: by the grand and/damaging parade. and the china knobs rubbed down to white pastilles. mmmm....

i know, i know

2009-04-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

at this point y'all probably think that i'm never going to write on my blog again. well, YOU were wrong.
i don't have internet at my apartment yet (i literally just have one twin bed that looks very camp lutherhaven-style)...and that's it. i still don't know if i want to get a tv, mostly because i think i can live without it. and it's another thing to buy and THEN keep paying for.
the more exciting news is that i'm going to start tutoring again! ever since i stopped working at WSU, i've really been missing the whole idea of doing something GOOD for people. after working for a company like Fluor for two months, i don't think i'm really cut out to be an executive. i can't see how they truly believe they're doing any good for people. there's really no tangible evidence of goodness by making productivity betterment initiatives and writing nonconformance reports. i'm not saying these are not bad people, and maybe those executives are more sophisticated than me: they can come up with some abstract reason why they really are making a difference. they don't have to see it, they just know.
well, i don't. i have to be able to not only see the lightbulb going off, i have to be talking people, teaching people. doing something. i know that when it's all said and done i'm going to be a teacher. i just don't know quite how i'm going to get there. but, really, i don't usually do things in the most direct way. much like my writing, sometimes my life goes around and around the fence and only SOMETIMES finds the gate.
so, i finally got my patootie in gear and called the Greenville Literacy Association. i went yesterday and observed a pre-GED social studies group. i'll be in training for 8 hours over the next two weeks and then i'll be teaching Adult Basic Ed/ pre-GED courses! at this point i think i want to do writing, reading, or social studies. but, if they need me to rock the fractions class, i will.
the need here is great too. south carolina has the highest high school drop out rate, which makes me upset because the damn governor won't take the stimulus money to maybe even attempt to give any money for a good cause (google him, it's ridiculous). so yeah, i'm feeling good about that. filling up my time with a lot of stuff. still adjusting to everything here (yikes) and look forward to making new friends.
mostly though, i like the students at Greenville Literacy. they're democrats. they get it.

a comfy spot

2009-03-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

it's friday and i'm not at work! my boss and the other guy in my group are currently driving in myrtle beach so i don't really have anything to do at work today. so, i got to sleep in until 9 today! woo hoo!
i still currently don't have a place to call my own home yet. i have a few apartment places i'm going to call today about leases, but the big question is if i'll be able to do a month to month thing. or, how much it will cost to break a lease. it would be nice to just get a job in GV (that's greenville from now on, by the way team) permanently, but i'm still happy as a clam just being here until july too. i'll be getting more work with the contracting part of the project, so i guess i'll be learning more about proposals and stuff. doesn't sound exciting to you, probably, but i'm looking forward to it. and, that means i'd work closely with the HOT contracts administrator. booya. we shall see.
it's raining here today-- seattle rain but about 55 degrees and a little balmy. i love it. everyone else hates it, but if you have a sweet Marmot jacket things cannot go wrong (big ups to bre for helping me pick out the jacket). i'm also currently in an underground coffee shop with my computer, my headphones, a book, and an americano.
best. morning. ever.

i'll keep y'all (hehe) posted on the address situation. currently i live in my friend betsy's spare room and out of the jeep. what an adventure.

what's important

2009-03-25T17:41:00.001-07:00

big miscommunication with the new roommate, so i don't have a place to live as of now. i'm thinking of just getting an apartment by myself. it will be less stressful, i imagine. we'll see what's easiest at this point.
i'm taking care of the two most terrible yappy chihuahua's ever.
what's really important, though.
neil is getting deployed to afghanistan. i cried. i want him to be ok.

the curious case of liturgically-colored Jell-O

2009-03-21T06:52:00.000-07:00

i was out at the weirdest breakfast restaurant with my friend Betsy last sunday. it was called "Tommy's Hamhouse" (yep, i'm officially in the South) and it was odd: it was right across the parking lot from a Baptist Church, and inside was alarmingly reminiscent of a cafeteria/huge church potluck/spaghetti feed. there were booths, yes, just like a regular restaurant, but the entire middle of the restaurant just had long plastic tables and those metal chairs with the vinyl seats added. the restaurant was so popular that they needed to add it. here's senator DeMint hangin out with the owner. check out the background. oh, and that guy is Tommy, as in Tommy's Ham House.

phenomenal. my gut reaction was to first look for the fried chicken my pastor would always bring (and of course they had fried chicken) and then run to the dessert table to check out the peanut butter bars that blanche used to make and what type of Jell-O would be served.

i was describing this to Betsy and she mentioned to me that Jell-O is just not a popular dessert/side dish item in the South. in the summer she said that it melts to easy, which i understand. what i could not understand is that she was unaware that you can put just about anything into Jell-O. i explained the cranberry-orange Jell-O mold that my mom would make for Thanksgiving for a few years (by the way, where did that disappear to, Mom? it was a fan favorite) and the church ladies who would match the vegetables/fruit to the color of Jell-O served. while i still won't eat Jell-O with vegetables in it, you really can't go wrong with strawberries and sprite in Jell-O. holy crap that's good.

and Brelin, she was mortified when i told her the mayonnaise in the green Jell-O mold story from your childhood. she said something to the effect of, "GodA'Mighty that's just unnatural."

i got home from Greenville last weekend and needed to go to the store. i made a bee-line to the Jell-O: sugar free, only 10 calories. i moved out of my apartment in seneca yesterday and ate three cups in rapid succession, guilt-free and blissful.

unfortunately though, it was red, for pentecost. i just can't bring myself to eat grape Jell-O.

moving!

2009-03-19T16:12:00.000-07:00

hey team, i'm moving to an actual city. no more living in seneca, SC below john and peg. i'm in greenville every weekend anyhow, so i'm just going to move there. i'm going to live with a sweetheart boy named taylor.
and, i'm saving lots of money by living with him in an actual house! in a city!
sorry for the overuse of exclamation marks, i'm used to overpunctuation nowadays. it seems like the big boss just puts a comma whenever he's writing and gets interrupted in the middle of the sentence.
and they said teaching international college students english 101 wouldn't be useful in my career. pshaw.

ira

2009-03-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

i wish i remember more hilarious witty things that ira glass said on saturday night, but just know he was awesome. if you listen to TAL, you already love him. if you don't, you should listen. he talked about what makes a good story and he said this: "you know what's destroyed good stories? THE TOPIC SENTENCE...and that was just a topic sentence. i can't get away from it!"
i loved it. i love the way that he chronicled the way he came up with This American Life, why he chose to do the show the way he does, and he did all the music and clips right there. the best thing ever is when he would click on a piece of dialogue on his right side: he would lift his arm back, float his hand down to the switchboard dangling there, and touch the button for dialogue just like you would putting your finger in the baptismal font. so elegant. lovely.
the question/answer time was awesome. when asked who is the worst person to interview he said, "hilary clinton...i mean, i'm joking. but yes, i don't like her. it seems like every time she talks she's just utterly humorless. which i don't understand because bill is so funny. but i heard her talk years ago, i made that judgment and she will never redeem herself in my mind."
there's one This American Life, the only one that has a celebrity voice, that has johnny depp on it reading for a boy who has a voicebox. when asked how ira got johnny depp to be on the show, without skipping a beat: "i banged him."
and THAT is why ira glass is awesome.

for my avid reader

2009-03-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

because my mother seems to be the most avid reader of my blog, this one's for you.

i was at work today, in the bathroom (i know, weird reference, stay with me mom) and i thought of my mother. the bathroom had flooded the first week i got there because the toilet was broken and i got very annoyed. "how could anyone not realize the toilet was going to overflow with the rinse-water action?" bah! so annoying. because of that, i had to thank my mom for teaching me a lot. so here it is, in random order, not a full list, and omitting some of the normal mom-teaching stuff.

things my mom has taught me:

-about a toilet. how to fix it, plunging action (which came in handy at camp 07 when i saved the women's restroom in the RC), how to stop the toilet that's overflowing.
-how to hem a pair of pants. while mom thinks that i hate it, it is actually not too shabby to know that i can do this. considering i am very short, it works. also came in handy when i dated a man who was 5'5" and needed his tuxedo pants hemmed.
-to wrap a present. and not some lame rinky-dink version. the real deal, perfect creases, the whole nine yards. i'm pretty sure that my father hasn't wrapped a present himself since my mom taught me how. so...that's about 13 years.
-how to check my oil. driving the reliant k back in the day, it came in handy. i think i could do it now, even though it has been a while.
-birch trees grow best in groups of three.
-taping is the most important part of a paint job, and "cutting in" to the wall makes or breaks the paint experience. don't take the tape off too early...rookie mistake.
-you should turn down the radio when you're having a conversation with someone (mostly an older person ) in the car. i still get annoyed that mom does this when i'm talking to her, but now i am beginning to realize that no one really wants you to yell at them in the car.
-always try and have a job. you're smart, don't be lazy and pretend that you're not.
-cooking is a skill that some people just don't have.
-do not be afraid to sing loud. be part of the "joyful noise" group.
-always hold your grandma's hand and help her into the car.
-men with tempers aren't worth your time.
-wear tall shoes and cute clothes when you're young, because you won't be able to do that crap when you're old.
-to properly use an electric hand-mixer.
-you cannot leave kids alone. ever. it doesn't matter how long you're gone, you cannot leave them even for a second. i still remember my mom speaking her mind to a lady at a gas station when i was about 7. always stuck with me.
-toys are best without batteries.
-utilize tall people in your life to reach things on shelves.
-fork on the left.
and to close up the list:
-don't forget that it sucks to be poor. i am very lucky. this has, on more than many occassions, made other people mad at me. these people usually have lots of money.

love you--wee

?

2009-03-01T14:10:00.001-08:00

who woulda thunkit...it's snowing in south carolina.

radio

2009-02-27T18:48:00.001-08:00

i am at work a lot. to pass the time, i've been listening to a lot of this american life on the internet while i work. pretty much the greatest thing ever. for those of you readers who listen to the radio show, you should be jealous-- because I'M GOING TO SEE IRA GLASS IN GREENVILLE next week.

haha!

i'm so stoked, i got a really good ticket from this guy ed at work, who i thought was cool, then i didn't think was cool, and now think he's a little bit more cool because he likes this american life too.

anywho, for those of you who don't listen to the show, you don't have to be subscribed to the podcast, or be stuck at work at a desk. you can just click on some of my favorites, or go to the site. woot.

some ones that i like:

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1283 "Somewhere Out There"

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1277 "Numbers"

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1274 "20 Acts in 60 Minutes"

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1271 "Music Lessons"

http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1256 "Break-Up"

and, because this was so weirdly my life: http://www.thisamericanlife.com/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=109 "Notes On Camp"

listen and love. i do.

my new relationship

2009-02-21T18:49:00.000-08:00

i am in a new relationship here in south carolina. at first i wasn't sure if it was a good idea if i should try and carve out any sort of permanence here, emotionally commit to anything, but i decided to go with the standby mantra of, you only live once. i might as well give it the ol' college try.
it began simple enough, someone told me that this was my new place, and i learned to adapt quickly. the people around weren't so bad, we eventually all became good friends and i even pitched in for coffee. quickly i realized that this was going to be my new group for a while, and it was a little awkward at first: i didn't really know the protocol around here (so vastly different than anything else i've witnessed) and just decided to follow along with all the other relationships around.
some of the other relationships were bare bones with little or no pizzazz-- quite frankly it felt like these two weren't even friends. they didn't really communicate much, maybe a note here and there. but no meals together or shared music tastes, no cute little notes that made one of them laugh; nothing denoting that they were together. it was odd to me, as i am a person who usually proclaims relationships loudly and is very excited about them. because of this culture shock, i chose to keep my relationship quiet for a few days. status quo and all that. then i had to share some more of myself, bring some tangible things to the space where we hung out-- my craisins, my green tea, my taste in music, my lunches, my online addiction to the New York Times Op-Ed page. even my love for blank inky pens and post-its became abundantly clear in the days that followed.
now it's great. i'm comfy in my relationship and i'm becoming settled into the fact that i'll be around for at least a little while. although not ideal yet, every day we're getting closer and closer. i even wrote a note that reminds me of my relationship every day-- i read it and all of a sudden a sense of contentment fills my soul.

"This is my cubicle. There are many like it, but this one is mine."

i'm starting to like my cubicle. i won't say the big l-word; now that's going a little too far.

slow down

2009-02-15T18:00:00.000-08:00

i've been told by a number of co-workers that the nuclear business has a whole different time frame. i've been told by a number of other southerners that people talk slow and do most things slow, which i enjoy as a change of pace. to a point.
coming here has made me realize just how edgy i am. skittish at times. and has exacerbated one of my biggest flaws-- impatience.
it might just be the washingtonian in me, but no one here drives worth a damn. they go the speed limit (which i'm sure my mother wants to hear), and they don't know how to merge. they don't do it in a speedy manner when they attempt to merge. driving back from target in anderson, SC (35 minutes away) a van-mother (refer to vanned post from march) STOPPED ON THE HIGHWAY to attempt to move into the right lane. how does she not understand that you have to merge with the flow of traffic and that people will not slow down on the highway to wait for a terrible van to get in front of them? *yes, that was an angry run-on sentence.
sorry team, i honked. and then i angrily shifted the jeep.
another anecdote that some of you have heard and some haven't: the starbucks here. number 1, it is in a college town and opened just under a year ago. uncharted barista territory, making for not good baristas. 2: while not expecting the service to quite as speedy as sammamish, i was anticipating the drinks to be correct. false. i have not gotten a beverage correctly while at this starbucks and i have also had to repeat my order at least twice every time i go. my patience runs thin. and then i just feel like a jerk.
while going to starbucks yesterday, it was the perfect storm: i imbibed a little too much with some co-workers on friday and needed some coffee. unfortunately i couldn't get out of bed to make the drive to clemson until 3. not good. i'm thinking to myself, "drive thru--might be speedy." i also think, "all i'm getting is an americano-- shot of espresso and water. the barista has to push one button and fill with boiling water. just about the easiest drink to make."
but no. i pay for my drink and this young guy takes my money. mind you, i haven't showered and look like garbage. i can also see a drink right next to the guy as he closes the window after giving me the credit card back. i know it's mine. i just know it.
he opens the window again, i'm straight up boring a hole into the drink on the counter next to the register, and he then commences to hit on me for two minutes. what i've been up to, what i'm doing later today, weather, blah blah blah. JUST GIVE ME MY DRINK. i end the conversation, and he closes the window. i wait.
he then looks nonchalantly to his right and grabs my americano.
i listened to a beyonce song and a kanye west song on the radio during the whole starbucks debacle. that's about 7 minutes. i was also the only one in the drive thru.
the south is testing my patience. it will be good for me, i guess.

it's exciting!!!

2009-02-06T16:20:00.000-08:00

i put three exclamation marks in the title because i know the only people who read my blog are people who abhor exclamation marks. rule number one of rhetoric-- understand your auidence. (thanks college!)
things i've learned/had to do this week that i never would've expected:
-seneca, SC and clemson, SC are not big. at all. i should've realized this when i found out i was actually working on the site of a nuclear power plant. EXCITING. i drove 35 minutes to get to a target, and i couldn't understand a family in the store. mind you, i used to work with international students.
-i have a kind of cute engineer-y guy in my office. he is awkward and skinny. he also drives a jeep. i currently drive a jeep. i think that makes us perfect for each other.
-4 mini famous amos cookies make one serving. i'm pissed about it.
-thanks to alyssa, i bought fiber 1 bars. i bought the oats and apple one, and it tastes like store-bought apple pie. i approve wholeheartedly.
-i had training for 4 days and had to read procedures about abrasive blasting. i also had to read 39 other procedures about high energy line breaks, document control, and lanyards. yes, a whole procedure about lanyards. EXCITING.
- i did though finally get to do my real job for about an hour today because i was able to get a computer and poke around the website. i'm writing the book telling fluor how to use the project management website. i think it's important. i also think it's EXCITING.
-everyone and there dog smokes here.
-i only killed the jeep i'm borrowing from my uncle four times since i've been here.
-i do yoga from an online video every day for an hour. it's EXCITING. my instructors name is Sarah.
-i also bought a pair of bona-fide yoga pants. i now understand why women on what not to wear only have yoga pants and don't think it's a problem. go for it ladies, the pants are phenomenal.
-if i ever do something EXCITING you all will be the first to know. i promise.
-i am also getting my first paycheck sometime this week. direct deposit, baby. and that, my friends, is truly EXCITING.
...but the yoga pants still win.

inside the actor's studio

2009-02-02T17:54:00.000-08:00

i hadn't ever watched inside the actor's studio with james lipton until a little while ago. the only thing i knew about it was from the hilarious will ferrell sketch on SNL. so brilliant. i watched an episode tonight after being beat-tired from training at work...it was anthony lapaglia, the guy on without a trace. he's a really good actor, but i haven't seen any of his movies, although he's won a golden globe, an emmy AND a tony. rock and roll, that guy.
anywho, i've decided that i want james lipton to interview me. he always begins with a long drawn out history of the childhood with ridiculous rapid fire questions: asking his mother's name, father's name, elementary school, sport played, etc; all within the first three minutes. and then, he just piles on the compliments, complete with a usual dirty joke in the middle. he would say, "a talent of epic proportions, with inspiration that can move the masses to tears and then to elation," he would say. i would be humble, perhaps. i wouldn't cry-- not like oprah.
just talkin to a kinda creepy old guy. it's cool.

a side note that potentially sucks-- i start work every day at 6:30. holy. crap.

snow in seattle (a possible metaphor)

2009-01-25T10:48:00.000-08:00

it has been snowing in sammamish since last night, and i'm not impressed. although when you stand outside the flakes hit your face and it slowly starts to accumulate on the grass and the leaves of azaleas, the road is bare. all the human things repel it, it seems. for a moment it's lovely, but it never really sticks around. unlike pullman snow, this precipitation doesn't accumulate enough for us to be upset about it-- the same thought of dread for a moment came into my mind as it would in pullman, only to be saved by knowing that the snow wouldn't really stay.
the last few weeks in sammamish have been odd in my downtime. i knew in the back of my mind that something would come up for me in the job hunt, but it got hard waiting for something to happen. i would assume the worst, that same snow-thought of dread was pretty much constantly upon me. i began to believe that i would have to wait a long long time before i found any semblance of work. story after story i would hear about how people have been filling out upwards of forty applications before getting an interview, the snow in my mind beginning to pile up and up.
and while i did call my favorite uncle, the one who would always look out for me, i didn't really know if anything would work out. in fact i didn't tell my sister for a couple of days about calling him at all. there was a part of me that kinda felt like a quitter for calling-- then i realized this is how a lot of people get work, especially now that no one is hiring. becuase of that, i was able to find myself the job in south carolina for at least 6 weeks. i'm still working out the details but i booked my plane ticket and will get the apartment figured out next week.
i guess the snow didn't accumulate enough. i'm moving on.
so we'll see where this takes me. i hope that i'm good enough at tech writing to keep doing it and making a living for a little while, even in south carolina. that would be nice.
but if i do end up back in seattle, i know i can parallel park. i successfully did that yesterday.
things are looking up.

change

2009-01-20T15:49:00.000-08:00

the word has been said so much in the Obama campaign that i feel like many people are sick of it-- believing that there simply is too much crap to pick up after eight years of downfall and foolishness on many fronts. and although i, like many, have a cynical side and am well aware that things aren't going to be swift or perfect. but there is the hope that we will no longer stand intolerant to just about everyone, that those in government will work WITH people instead of keeping those that disagree at an arm's length, and that the needs of people will be heard at home and abroad. this morning as i woke up earlier than i have in months to watch coverage of the inauguration, i teared up and celebrated that America made this happen. i know that the political climate has shifted dramatically in this country even if most people's wallets haven't-- you could feel it while President Obama (i love writing that) was speaking, you could see it with little kids believing again that they can be something great. i see the engagement with politics for people of my generation and that enlivens me. i never thought i would care about politics or the news and many people my age are the same way, but i refuse to accept apathy in myself.
i have read the inaugural address about three times today, and agree with all of it. we're in the shit but we can get out of it. and it will take cooperation, not guns always, to make it happen. it will take responsibility for our screw-ups as people, and it will take a little less consuming and materialism. and it will take caring about others. my favorite part of President Obama's speech was this:
"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it."
amen.

thanks

2009-01-13T21:22:00.000-08:00

in this time of transition, almost a week into the intensive job hunt here in seattle, i must take a moment to say a bit about things that are making me happy. i did just read the new issue of Real Simple magazine about lists to organize your life. unfortunately, i don't have much of the "life" they mention to organize so this will be a list of a different sort.

-short length pants. i don't know how short people were able to keep their pants clean back in the day, but two pairs of my pants finally took the big sleep within the past two weeks and i found a replacement. a pair of everyday jeans that my sister enjoys commenting on-- and they don't drag on the ground, creating a hole in the fold that my shoe eventually gets caught in. a debacle that this pair of jeans will not fall victim to.
-the ability to effortlessly switch from american idol to anderson cooper 360 on television. i feel like anderson cooper's reporting is astounding, so much so that i read the book he wrote a couple years ago in a day. his reputation should in theory cancel out the ridiculousness of a contestant nicknamed "sexual chocolate." what a travesty.
-the sex and the city movie. watched it again this week and i still love it, even though samantha looks like a not-so-great 80s throwback.
-reconnecting with old friends. i saw a few this week and i forgot during my WSU time that they were great. i can't wait to see them more.
-my friends are completely rallying around the "find sarah a job" cause. if you're reading this, thanks :)
-i watched barney yesterday with a 2 year old, and we skipped to "the muffin man." i am not thankful, however, that it was stuck in my head for two hours afterwards.
-my brother and i talk at least every other day-- it might be because he hasn't started classes yet, but my greatest fear of him and i not talking anymore is allayed for a moment. still crossing my fingers.
-church people. i was having a printing/writing sample debacle today and the pastor of my church, will, took some time out of his study to help. a bright spot.
-Pilot G2 pens-- after my freeloading at the Athletic Department with the Pilot Precise V2s in a variety of colors (only a purple one remains), i have come home.
-argyle socks. got a new pair from mom, love it.
-also, my ability to spell argyle. thankfully i have been blessed with good spelling. (unless that's spelled wrong, in which case i'll look like a big doof.)
-my discovery of three radio stations in seattle that i enjoy during my drives (you're always driving around here if you live in a suburb). namely, 92.5 does an excellent job of throwin out old-school jams, most recently "shoop" by salt-n-pepa and "sexual healing" by marvin gaye. they also played the craig david (yes, i said craig david) song where he talks about the days of the week. i feel like it's called "7 days" but i'm not sure.
-that i'm not as dumb as ryan seacrest. case and point: after a blind contestant made it through to the next round, on camera mr.seacrest put his hand up for a high five for about 5 seconds. as if the guy would overcome his blindness since birth to give the venerable ryan seacrest a high five.
and with that...

what are some of yours?

fail

2009-01-07T17:34:00.001-08:00

i remember distinctly filling the application for camp lutherhaven about two years ago now and i always get stumped with one question: explain a time when you've failed and what you learned from that experience.
that was the part of the show where i left my computer, wandered around my room, probably made a cup of tea or went out for a latte and then returned curmudgeonly to the computer waiting for something to appear. and always i thought, "i guess...nothing." i don't even know what i wrote now, to be honest. i rhetoricized my way out of that one...whew.
it's not as though i'm writing this to say that i'm the best and i am so great as to NOT fail ever, not by any means. what i've realized is that my life at home as a kiddo and my life in college has been set up for my success. i made it almost impossible for me to fail at something because i don't take too many risks about the things that are super important. in many cases, i only take on tasks that i'm sure i will love or that i am really good at. i've tried to have a plan-- if not that, at least something to say to family members to get them off my back at least for a little bit. but no big challenges. when i watch that show "Made" on MTV i always think i'd love to go on there to try and do something ridiculous, mostly so that i can fall on my face a lot. i think it would be good for me.
last night, though, i failed myself. i thought that the job with Washington CAN was going to be a perfect fit. i would love it and my life would continue to clip along just fine-- no risks, no problems. excellent.
as i stood there in the pouring rain and gusty winds on a street in the middle of Olympia with a clipboard ALONE i realized that i made a mistake. this was not what i wanted, and i put all my post-college eggs in this basket only to discover that this was NOT the plan. i was a fine healthcare activist for two hours on my observation. got some members, had some people sign postcards to send to lawmakers. cool. but i didn't love it. i was out there by myself and didn't make any real connection with people. instead it was maybe two minutes of talking to one person, only to leave again either happy or defeated. i didn't use any gifts God has given me either-- quite a shitty situation overall.
walking in my sopping wet shoes and hair stuck to my forehead i realized that i need to work with students in some capacity. now i don't know how i'm going to get there, but someday i will. i might have to work in tech writing if i get a chance to, but i know what i'd like to do in the end. so, i failed in my plan. backfired. something i didn't expect. but that's ok, because now at least i know what i don't want to do.
failure at least has taught me patience.

wrap (up)

2008-12-30T14:38:00.000-08:00

the christmas/graduation part of the holidays is over, and for the past few days i've been doing a whole lot of nothing. it's not too bad. i'm trying to somewhat vibe will crowley who, and i quote, "just spent a lot of time alone. which i like." we'll see if i can ever get there. i doubt it.
i feel as though there is not any coherent narrative way to wrap up these last few weeks, which in all honesty have seemed like months. so i guess a bulleted-type thing will have to do.

- i said goodbye to a lot of people. it was really sad, and i only really almost cried when i hugged my friend keith, drove jamie back to her apartment in pullman before she left for new york (i don't know when i will see her again), and when i hugged my freakishly smart and lovely volleyball player kimika and my favorite student-athletes of all time, michael willis and kendrick dunn.
i for real cried while i turned in my keys to work for the last time: walking out of bohler gym while the place was completely deserted and crossing by the football practice field by the library. i had walked that path to the elevator thousands of times during my time at wsu. and i still remember walking up those stairs to todd hall for my first HD 101 class of freshman year, panting and thinking, "my GOD how do people walk up these?" two weeks later, i discovered the elevator. success.
- i drank in excess only one time in my "sarah says goodbye to the palouse" time. i was carried home by my firefighter friends ted and jon. a fitting end, i suppose.
- i graduated. the ceremony was sweet except for the bitter seattle times owner complaining about his industry going down the tubes. andy's text to me during his commencement, "wow. this guy's a dick." couldn't have said it better myself. my father wore flannel and fell asleep during the commencement. my sister wore her Ugg boots and i still love her. my mother ironed my gown in the hotel room before we left. some things really never change.
- i packed my entire life in moscow up in 5 hours. i should have been better prepared.
- i wrapped andy's and brelin's christmas present in newspaper this year. a first. i say that i am helping the environment, but really i didn't want to get the wrapping paper from under my parents' bed out. pathetic.
-i watched movies and cried. the notebook on abc family by myself (because dementia is sad) and the curious case of benjamin button (because growing young/old and getting dementia-ish is sad).
- i drove all the way home from pullman with a broken thermostat in the snow. this means that the windows inside my car were freezing, forcing me to scrape my window so i could drive. thankfully i didn't have to change lanes very much.
- andy bought the john mayer live album for me and i found O.A.R.'s live album while packing. listening to them religiously.
-nancy bought me martini glasses. because graduation matters.
- i had a surreal experience while at the semi-annual sale at victoria's secret on monday- it was like that episode of friends where monica beats up the woman for the sample sale wedding dress. being there alone surrounded by dazed boyfriends and ravenous women looking for bras made me thankful once again for having a male twin. he might not be that nice to me, but at least i don't have to fight him for undergarments.
- i procured myself a date for my friends' wedding january 3rd-- my most favorite and attractive ex-boyfriend will. he will look nice if someone takes pictures and he's a hilarious dancer. i hope he doesn't back out on me. otherwise it's smith-- who doesn't really want to go. in fact, when i told him he didn't have to go with me he whooped. i have never heard him whoop before.
- i rescheduled my appoinment to shadow and then hopefully get signed on with Washington CAN january 6th. it's becoming real.

time to get geared up for the last eve-eve party i will be attending. a little sad.

proof

2008-12-24T12:56:00.000-08:00

i drank my way through this semester and got a 4.0.--proof that i needed to be done with college.
it's not as if grades really mean anything except for the fact that i can do school. woot. but it's nice sometimes, the validation. i wonder where it will come from in the future.

...now to nurse my hangover.

miles

2008-12-05T12:03:00.000-08:00

one of the group members for my black pop culture class is a guy named miles. this is a CES 336 class, which counts for my minor. most of the people in the course are either CES majors or minors. it's a nice, happy, diverse club. i am one of the only white girls in class. it's a lovely change.

there are also students in the class who are not majors or minors- this course fulfills at Tier III requirement for graduation. needless to say, some of these students stick out like sore thumbs. those who are not in the "club" of CES folk look like scared puppies- and most of them are white as well. honestly, they probably haven't seen that many brown people in a WSU class before. the class is loud, boistrous, and out of the ordinary. it's "edutainment" as KRS-One (a rapper, listen to his stuff) calls it. i love it.

for this semester we were put into groups for the dreaded final group project. we did not get to choose our groups and i happened to end up in the only all white group (a change for WSU). we're writing about political hip hop-- i promised myself we wouldn't be lame.

while i immersed myself in the lyrics of KRS-One, Public Enemy, and scholarly work on hip hop (yes, it's out there and a growing field) we asked Miles to do his piece on the music composition of hip hop-- the sampling, the disco rebellion, the scratching, etc. we knew he was a trumpet major so i was pretty excited to see what he came up with, considering in know nothing about music composition.

this skinny white kid who comes in every day blasting jazz on these ginormous headphones killed it. he downloaded this virtual dj thing with turntables you can scratch on your computer and demonstrated how to sample stuff. he made a break beat to play while the rest of us were giving our presentation. he put on the gangsta look, made sure we all had our MC names and taught us how to properly hold a mic like an MC and how to scratch records. he was phenomenal. his name is miles raker so he went by dj moon raker- so brilliant.

as he was going through his thing the class couldn't stop laughing- they loved it because they wouldn't expect this to come from a skinny white kid, and miles bought in to the whole dj persona. while not a gangsta in any way that you would imagine, miles might be the most gangsta of them all because he did his thang. skinny white kid with sweet sampled break beats...who woulda thunk it.

exams

2008-11-19T19:38:00.000-08:00

my life for the past 3 1/2 years has been defined by exams-- essay exams most notably. there are usually about 3 prompts you can choose from, and i try and remember just about everything i've learned up to that point, making sure to remember the right page numbers and such in order to be great. most of my grade in a course is dependent upon how well i can write (legibility is always an issue as well) in fifty minutes. as if fifty minutes will do for a topic as big as "Explain Barack Obama's election in the context of colorblind racism." yeah right, fifty minutes will do.
today though, oh today, i took my final in-class exam of college.
the good news was, i went to lunch and had a delicious beer right before the test. a BIG beer. it was a delicious honey ale from portland. i couldn't pass it up. because of this fact, and possibly due to the elation of my circumstance, the bullshit flowed like wine. i figured, "i might has well go out with a bang here...i never have had anything in my system when taking an exam before. let's see."
also, i can do essay exams in my sleep. apparently i'm hardwired to write them.
i also used the phrase "hunky-dory" in the essay. i hope my teacher doesn't mark me down for that phrase because it's weird and she's puerto rican. we shall see. at this point though, i've stopped caring.

cemented

2008-11-13T12:57:00.000-08:00

for the last month or so, graduation day and the thought of not having school anymore is exhilirating and scary. i'll just say it: the thought of graduating, still not having a job, and working at bed, bath and beyond with my degree (magna cum laude, honor's college, the whole nine yards) basically makes me piss my pants.
knowing this, i've been thinking about the possibility of somehow sticking around here and working in the athletic department: maybe extending my job at least until may so i can find gainful employment, or applying for an academic counselor position that will be left when my colleague Anna has a baby in February. these are great opportunities. if i work full time i would be able to at least start on a master's paid for by WSU, and i would get some good experience that would help me land another job later. and really, what's two more years here? it can't be that bad.
but yes, it CAN BE.
the last two nights have proven to me without a doubt that i have to get the hell out of here as fast as possible. and it's not that these events are in and of themselves terrible, or reason to make a move. but they were, "the straw that broke the camel's back" as it were.
i am a morning person, despite the complete uncoolness that goes along with being a morning person. if i've made the decision to wake up, i'm up, ready to rock. the only reason i can sleep for days while on breaks from school is because i can. but at school i wake up at 7:30 every school day and start it off. because of this, regardless of what's going on, i make sure to get at least 7 hours every night. these are precious hours, all of which have been violated the past two nights.
tuesday night: i'm happily sleeping in my bed, and all of a sudden i here this violent thump-crash followed by a car-horn blaring outside my window. i live on the third floor on the corner of the two main drags of moscow, so i'm used to traffic noise lulling me to sleep. but this time, something had ran into the building right next to mine and the horn did not stop for HALF AN HOUR. i'm pissed. i'm assuming that it will stop, and once the cops and EMS come it does. sweet release. i'm ready to fall back asleep. BUT NO. immediately after this some sort of saw-type weed whacker sound went on and off for the next hour or so. i moved to the living room, watched sportscenter for an hour, and moved myself to the couch to sleep there. it's farther from the window so i could fall asleep. i got four hours of solid sleep, and the next morning i go outside to find a snowplow and EMS still directing traffic. i have no idea what happened.
last night: again, happily sleeping away after watching two reruns of sex and the city on tbs and writing a short paper. andy and alyssa went to the bars (yes mom, people go to the bars on wednesdays, they're not drunks. it was margarita night and i would've gone too) and i went happily to sleep at 12:30. a solid 7 hours of sleep was in my future. perfect.
i wake up sometime in the middle of the night to andy and alyssa talking loudly about something. from what i remember it was andy's usual semi-buzzed rant: how corporations are destroying the world, how he hates his major and study because it doesn't help anyone (too late for that shit, andy, is what i want to say to him), and that people in general are stupid. the usual things that i study every day (racism, classism, etc) and would gladly have talked to him about at a reasonable hour. BUT IT'S 2:30 IN THE MORNING. apparently they forgot i lived there. i was PISSED. i walk out of my room, don't even open my eyes and say, "could you not yell about polymers?"
i woke up this morning at 7:30 to my alarm. only 4 1/2 hours of solid sleep.
i can't do this anymore. i can't live with people who come in drunk on a weekday and i can't sleep. i can't deal with my apartment shaking every time a semi drives by. i just can't do it.
so whether i end up being a barista for two years in seattle, i'll do it. my mind is made up. thanks apartment building.

still lovin it

2008-11-09T15:49:00.001-08:00

ah, the new york times op-eds on a sunday. there is nothing i love more than taking some time off of reading or writing, doing homework or writhing in pain after a rough saturday night, than reading the times. and although i'm not as high-brow of those intellectuals who get the times delivered to their house, or actually have time to attempt reading the entire sunday edition (if you know who these people are, tell them to get another hobby or more friends. or better yet, tell them to take some time off and watch a rerun of the 100 Greatest Songs of the 80s), i do still get the times online every day. some days i simply read the headlines and don't go any further. but sundays, oh sundays, i pore over the op-eds.
and it's not just because i happen to agree with most of them. it's because they are smart, thought provoking, and thankfully a break from everything else i'm reading.
i'm also still loving obama. the happiness has not worn off. and you're thinking, "sarah, get with it. he's got a lot of shit on his plate right now and you can't expect him to be the messiah." and i'm not. i'm just happy that we soon will have a smart man in office. in the words of nicholas kristoff, a smart op-ed guy today: "
"Barack Obama’s election is a milestone in more than his pigmentation. The second most remarkable thing about his election is that American voters have just picked a president who is an open, out-of-the-closet, practicing intellectual."
it feels so good to me that i am absolutely positive my president is smarter than me. it's comforting. and i love it.

celebrate

2008-11-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

WE DID IT, EVERYONE.

I CRIED.

VOTING (we care)

2008-11-03T20:45:00.000-08:00

mondays usually suck for me. i work 8 hours, i leave the house at 9 and come home at 10:30, and then i usually have homework for another hour and a half if i manage to stay up that late. but today, today was a good day.
my friend (and unfortunately not yours) michael willis was in the ARC this morning when i got to work. i was excited to see him as usual and started talking about the big day tomorrow. as an employee of an institution run by the state i cannot really discuss partisan politics and tried to not be excited with willis about barack obama. i also had to bite my tongue just a few short minutes ago about a golfer who said every myth about Obama on Fox News as fact. (come up with the list in your head...he said it).
but i digress in frustration.
as i was talking to willis he told me that neither he nor his mother got their ballot, even though both are registered in whitman county. this was a huge deal to me- see, i've been working on getting willis registered to vote for the past 8 months. he felt his vote didn't count, that he couldn't be a part of voting in a black man who might get shot (god forbid, but it's a real fear for many student athletes of color i have talked to), and he was just overall disappointed in the democratic process. so when he finally registered to vote i was ecstatic- finding out today that he didn't receive his ballot took the wind out of my proverbial sails.
a few people i talked to didn't get their ballots in time, including andy. according to andy though, "what's a vote for the socialist worker's party really going to do anyway?" i got you andy.
willis, though, is not a socialist like andy.
so i was freaking out. i didn't have the answer to his question and was bummed that i didn't know how to help him. after my class got out, though, i got a voicemail on my phone: "whatup dub, i was jus wond'in if the votin thing is still no -can-do or what. if you could hit me back i'd 'ppreciate it."
then my brain went into high gear: who would know?
so i run into the class i just left and ask my amazing and very fiercy CES 201 professor Carmen Lugo-Lugo what to do. she tells me willis has to drive to colfax (colfax?!) and get a special ballot she didn't know the name of so they can vote. i wish i knew the name. damn.
i get to work and she's emailed the name to me-- PROVISIONAL BALLOT! YES! but is there time?
willis calls me and i tell him what to do. now i just pray that he goes with his mom sometime to do it.
tonight he comes in for tutoring and he tells me both he and his mom voted in colfax today. the first time he's voted, and he actually cares a lot.
so it's still monday. it's 9:00 pm and i'm at work, i have lots of things still left to do.
but i helped someone vote today. it took some time, and it took some resources. but three people (including another student whose story i don't have time to tell) voted today. and that makes it a good day.
and don't worry, folks. while i'm at work tomorrow night i'm setting up election center 08 and will follow it on CNN all night via internet with the electoral white board- in honor of tim russert (may he rest in peace) and my dad (an avid fan of the electoral white board). i just hope my dad picks a winner this time.

politics (really Sarah?)

2008-10-26T11:14:00.001-07:00

i know, i know, i am rarely political. i don't like to get in fights with people about who's better than who, but most people know my political leaning. if you don't, it RAGING LIBERAL.
more importantly, there are few core things that i believe matter- making sure that those of the underclass get some help from the government, that people are "free to be you and me" (thanks Marlo Thomas) regardless of whether you are foolish enough to believe that war is a good thing or not, and that people in this country are entitled to a level-headed, intelligent president. (A novel idea...). Much like everyone else, though, i'm getting a little tired of the political fodder-- it's just getting to me. November 4th cannot come fast enough, sheerly for the fact that i am tired to hearing about McCain and Palin. they're behind in double digits in many states now, and they seem to be on their last leg; so much so that they are reverting to outright racist behavior in order to get their fear rhetoric across. the fact that the phrase "real, hard working American" (read WHITE) is spat out from their campaign as easily as "freedom" was in G-Dub's tenure is evidence to the fact that it seems they have nothing left to really say.
i'm by no means saying that Obama or anything other politician doesn't have their hangups, i get that. but the McCain campaign (and it's supporters) stop alienating the rest of America from the "Americans" you speak of. reading an Op-Ed in the Times today, the writer finally said something i can agree with to a degree http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/26/opinion/26rich.html?th&emc=th. while he talks a bit about the fact that we aren't all racists, which i can agree with to a point, he mentions that the "real Americans" McCain-Palin refer to aren't all bigots and won't automatically listen to their rhetoric. by palying merely to this faction of America they are alienating a majority of the population. news flash McCain: black people, Hispanic people, and gay people vote. in a particularly good quote: "Subtract all those players [black Americans, Hispanic Americans, and extended families of gay Americans] from the actual America, and you don’t have enough of a bench to field a junior varsity volleyball team, let alone a serious campaign for the Electoral College."
in the changing face of American demographics, the bigot-vote is just not big enough to win. you can't alienate a vast majority of Americans and expect the country to be unified. sorry Republicans.
i just pray that Nov. 5th i won't have to wear some sort of mourning garb to school if McCain wins. then i really will move to Central America.

stolen from alyssa

2008-10-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

Because it's Friday at work, all my athletes are competing, and I have twenty minutes before a meeting. (According to The Office, this would be time theft, but my cubicle mate is on Facebook, so there.)
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30. worst ever.
2. Diamonds or pearl? diamonds. becuase i'm a balla.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Mama Mia with the Mama.
4. What is your favorite TV show? These are the one's I tape: Grey's, The Office, Project Runway, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And lately lots of CNN too.
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? any breakfast-y food we haven't run out of yet. so... usually just a latte.
6. What is your middle name? Eileen. Grandma Dub's name.
7.What food do you dislike? is chai tea a food? if so, then that. or coleslaw. any slaw, actually. ick. now that i think about it, most cabbage-based things.
8.What is your favorite CD at the moment? anthony hamilton's ain't nobody worryin'. sick.
9. What kind of car do you drive? 98 Honda Civic. Blue Steel.
10. Favorite sandwich? Tuna Melt.
11. What characteristic do you despise? elitism and arrogance. hello Honors College.
12. Favorite item of clothing? any and all scarves.
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? gotta agree with alyssa and say greece.
14. Are you an organized person? i would say yes in my career and school. no in my life.
15. Where would you retire to? close to andy, unless he lives in the tri-cities.
16. What was one of your most memorable birthdays? 17- it rained so hard our court flooded and we rode bikes and i swam in it with all my mud and wonderfulness. for three years in a row there was a downpour on my birthday. really cool. 21 was just a week long debacle.
17. What are you going to do when you finish this? tutor a student in African American Literature.
18. Furthest place you are sending this? i'm breaking the rules not emailing this
19. Person you expect to send it back first? i don't play favorites and only my family and 3 other people read my blog
20. When is your birthday? may 10. it will actually be on mother's day this year, just like the day i was born. aww.
21. Morning person or a night person? night if i'm dancing, morning if i have to think.
22. What is your shoe size? 7 ish. but i have unpretty feet like Grandma Sarah. shoes hurt.
23. Pets? nope. if i have a husband who likes dogs i might give in. but i usually stick to my no-pet guns.
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? i'll put an exclamation point after this so it seems exciting- i snagged a portion of a free costco chocolate muffin in the copy room today! woooo!!!
25. What did you want to be when you were little? a sportscaster or Celine Dion.
26. How are you today? tired and ready to be done with school.
27. What is your favorite flower? tiger lillies and calla lillies.
28. What was the last thing you ate? a turkey-swiss wrap. not too shabby but overpriced.
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? DECEMBER 13TH- GRADUATION. and the day i get a job.
30. Do you wish on stars? most of the time i can't see the shooting stars to wish on them. i have poor vision.
31. If you were a crayon what color would you be? jungle green. because i'm adventurous.
32. How is the weather right now? shitty. they say it's going to snow tonight in pullman- i didn't sign up for this.
33. Last person you spoke to on the phone? andy for a second. brelin for more than a second.
34. Favorite soft drink? diet coke is the only one i drink, and i use it like a drug when i need caffeine.
35. Favorite restaurant? breakfast club in moscow. the tomato basil omelet kills.
36. Hair color? brownish blonde. i don't particularly like it at the moment.
37. What was your favorite toy as a child? andy and i has this green stuffed worm whose face was supposed to light up. i remember andy and i later using the hard plastic head as a bludgeon of sorts. his name was wormy. original, i know. but we were three.
38. Summer or Winter? summer, i guess. i actually prefer fall so this is a limiting question.
39. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate everything. dark chocolate is better. but vanilla ice cream with pie.
40. Coffee or tea? a tough one, because i am constantly drinking one or the other. coffee in the morning, green tea throughout the rest of the day.
41. Do you want your friends to email you back? didn't we do these type of questions earlier?
42. When was the last time you cried? i teared up during Extreme Makeover Home Edition. the Oprah effect works on me every time.
43. What is under your bed? empty bags and construction paper that used to hang on the walls of my apartment with Lewis.
44. What did you do last night? tried to do homework but watched a lot of TV instead. thursday is TV night, and the first one of the week when i'm not at work till 10.
45. What are you afraid of? john mccain becoming president, him dying and then palin being president. i will flee this fine nation.
46. Salty or sweet? sweet. unless with beer, in which case always salty.
47. How many keys on your key chain? i'm gonna say about ten. one of which is to a church in the tri-cities i no longer attend.
48. How many years at your current job? nine months: the longest relationship i've ever had.
49. Favorite day of the week? thursdays. saturdays coming in a close second due to football games and dancing time.
50. Do you make friends easily? yes, but i think they don't stick around because they're scared of me or something. i only have a few close ones.
-- i skipped those two, they were dumb logistical questions.
53. What thing or person do you miss most? joy, alyssa, mara, brelin, mom and dad. i also miss spudnuts.
54. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends? if i have five minutes to kill, yes.

--note to mom reading this: this only took me ten minutes at work, in which i was interrupted by a student writing a paper. i don't think this was time theft.

reminders

2008-09-17T17:27:00.000-07:00

because i have a few minutes before i go to work, and also because i was reminded of a friend who is far away from me by a song, i realize that most of the songs i hear are attached to people. i might not see this people that often, or at all anymore, but they will always have those memories. you should know that. the list:

joy- say my name by destiny's child. and billie jean by michael jackson because she busts out the best moves to that.
alyssa - push it by salt n pepa.
andrew smith- radiohead. and anything i wouldn't normally listen to.
andrew winters- like i love you by JT.
erica lewis- santeria by sublime. she will have that ringtone until she dies, i think.
jamie deyette, roommate sophomore year- gold digger by kanye west. again, ringtone that woke me up every morning at 6.
neil- out loud by dispatch.
will crowley (my favorite ex-boyfriend)- green eyes by travis.
nathan roueche- cleaning windows by van morisson.
richie withycombe (least favorite ex-boyfriend)- crazy game by O.A.R. don't worry, he didn't ruin the song for me.
andy- too many to mention. but always jeremy by pearl jam. he does an impressive eddie vedder impression.
brelin- love medley in moulin rouge. and rainbow connection by me first and the gimme gimmes.
mom- at the zoo by simon and garfunkel. mandy by barry manilow. and never gonna give you up by rick astley. oh, and anything by hall and oates.
pop- aqualung by jethro tull and penny lane by the beatles (for the line: he likes to keep his fire engine clean/it's a clean machine)

still in love (possibly lust)

2008-09-11T21:10:00.000-07:00

as i was face-stalking (what people my age do on facebook when they look at their 'friends' who they will never actually see again), i ran across the boy i had a crush on for five years of my childhood. as my usual m.o. as a kid, i had a few friends that were girls, but in class there were two boys that i hung out with all the time...and then i realized that i was in love with one of them. this changed the dynamic between us, as i was vaulted head-first into the awkward middle school feelings of female inadequacy in the face of the opposite sex. a lovely time.

childhood progressed, elementary school crush turned into daydreams of us getting married in a big church with lots of people around/coaching our children's soccer team/not having any dogs. normal stuff to think about when you're ten. there was a period in seventh grade that i wavered in my love for the boy-who-shall-remain-nameless, but for one more solid year my love remained.

and then i realized that i was a loser. i sucked at sports, and he was great at sports. oh well, can't win 'em all.

but at least i had enough balls to fess up to this right after graduation. you know, the part where you hug everyone even if you hate them? i went up to him, gave him a big hug, and said: "i just wanted to know that i had a huge crush on you from third to eighth grade. we were gonna get married. but don't worry, i'm not in love with you now." to which he said so plainly and enthusiastically: "REALLY?! i was in love with you too!"

that was all i needed. for some reason that was the perfect thing to say- obviously nothing ever would have come from that, but it's still nice to think about. i guess some sort of validation for those terrible middle school feelings. sometimes they just get away.

and damn, he got more attractive.

an open letter to...

2008-08-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Idaho Driver who ran me off the road in March 2008:

You van-ed me. You straight up van-ed me.

This is what you did to me: "Van-ed (v., past tense): to be inconvenienced on the road by a person in a minivan or larger van; this may include bodily psychological, or emotional harm often leading to feelings of rage and discomfort. Vanning most often occurs while you are in a hurry, or when those driving the minivan deem it necessary to assert themselves as imcompetent rulers of the road."

Like most of the driver's of minivans (i say most as not to offend), you decided it would be a perfect time to go five miles under the speed limit in the lefthand lane on Highway 395 on the way through the Tri-Cities. I was on your tail, yes: I was on your tail because of your apparent lack of knowledge of highway driving rules. The signs are everywhere, "Slower Traffic Keep to Right." You were the slower traffic, therefore you should be in the right hand lane. We were the only two cars on the road. Seems simple enough.

But no, driver-of-teal-Safari-minivan-with-Idaho-plates, you did not follow the rules. What was I supposed to do? Wait another five miles on your tail and hope that you will notice there was someone on your tail?...My outlook was looking grim to say the least. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and move into the righthand lane in order to speed around you. Chances were probable that you were not going to move into the righthand lane, so I made the decision and stuck with it. This decision, mind you, was made as my rage toward you as a minivan driver finally seeped to the surface and came out verbally as a couple of choice swear words. I wish you could've heard me.

Mostly though, I wish you could've seen me. It must've been too much to look in your rearview mirror, it must have been too much effort to turn your head to the right and look behind your shoulder to see if anyone was in the other lane. You must've been swatting a child, changing the radio station. Perhaps you were picking up Goldfish that were strewn about the interior of your car by an angered toddler.

You don't even know that you made me slam on my brakes, do a 360 on the road and end up thankfully in one piece in a ditch on the side of the highway. You were too busy with the above tasks. You just drove away, drove away in your VAN, leaving me with a busted car, a condescending police officer (there is no other kind) and a 124 dollar ticket for "Driving with my wheels off the roadway." You're swell.

Concisely put, it is this, terrible epitomizing van-driver: I don't wish you harm. I'm gald I'm alive, and I truly hope that you are happy being an ignorant and terrible driver. I hope nothing remotely close to my accident happens to you, because I'm not that type of person.

But, karma's a bitch.

Sincerely,
Sarah Weakley (proud Civic driver)

prepared

2008-08-12T04:42:00.001-07:00

i am getting on a plane for south carolina in about three hours.
as mentioned in an earlier post somewhere around here, i have spent this summer not being in any one place for a long time. my mother likes to use the term "traipsing," mostly in a condescending way, to describe the way at which i have been moving about life recently. "traipsing" means (v.)- to walk aimlessly, with a storklike gait. i pray that when i walk i don't look like a stork, but this summer sometimes i have felt aimless. aimless mostly because i have been moving around so fast, gone every weekend that i am traveling across the country to a place i am nowhere near prepared for and i'm not really even fazed. amazing what traveling around mostly by yourself for a whole summer will do for you. it makes you tired.
and i don't honestly know what being "unprepared" for a trip is, but it mostly is mental. i'm very excited to go, but i haven't thought about all the great things that i'm going to get to see. all the amazing food i'll eat, all the Dolly Parton fake breasts i will discover (yes, i'm going to Dollywood). my physical being has just been moving so fast that i can't seem to remember what it means to be mentally prepared for something. but i guess that can be a good thing- no expectations and an open mind i think can lead to the best kind of journeys. just waiting, prepared enough but not overanticipatory (pretty sure that's not a word).
as for "traipsing," you can be sure i'll be checking out my walk in the mirror too. maybe the storklike gait is what my mother has been referring to all these years and has just been waiting for me to really look up the word.
maybe though, with all this traipsin and unpreparedness, i'll meet a cute Clemson boy. that would make my aunt Mary very pleased. i think i can be ready for that.

marriage- a list of sorts

2008-08-04T11:48:00.001-07:00

moving into my new apartment, i now have a slight feeling as to the inevitable "combination of crap" that occurs for the newly married. except this time, i am marrying not one, not two, but three people's crap. the two people who lived there before andy and i moved in left most of their stuff behind, as they are only leaving for a year to head off to korea or something for some socialist thing. from here on out they will be referred to as the "socialists." because that's what they're under in andy's phone.
the good news is that the apartment is a sweet location. the bad news, i didn't realize quite how much crap the socialists left for us, and discovered it all last night as it is my job to make the space functional before andy moves in for real next weekend. it was a daunting task. so, in order to understand the severity of the issue, i will make a list entitled:
2 Socialists Who Left Behind...
- 1 trunk (old school style) filled with most of the spices and pots they left in their kitchen cupboards. most of the spices i will never use (i.e. rice wine vinegar), so i put it back in the trunk, on which the TV is now placed. the contents will never be seen again.
- 3 containers of garlic powder (found in the trunk)... because you might need to take one in your purse to a restaurant.
- 5 traffic signs stolen by one of the socialists in their high school years. if i was 17, this might be cool. andy likes them. they're going behind the couch.
- 1 clock about 2 feet in diameter. it's always 5:07.
-roughly 6 sets of four glasses in varying sizes and colors. the dude apparently "couldn't resist" buying sets of glassware, so we now can have a cocktail party for the whole english department. i have no clue what to do with them. i will also never drink out of them.
- NO EXAGGERATION. roughly 90 hangers. there are no words.
-20 half used legal pads. i opened up the drawers to the dresser they left for me and discovered two full drawers of legal pads, broken binders and filler paper. they obviously had lots of business meetings to attend to, or in my case they had about 20 theses to write. i could probably use them as wallpaper for the whole apartment.
- in another drawer, about 30 highlighters. odds are none of them work, but they are clearly meant for the legal pads. i'll have to start doing something very important soon.
-1 almost completely empty bag of cat food in a drawer in the bathroom. you all know my love for felines. (see "tolerate" if you are unaware.)
-2 containers full of white "stuff." one container has "Powdered Sugar?" scrawled across the top. my confidence in their food is waning at best.
-1 of the ugliest giant area rugs i've ever seen. circa 1985. possibly stolen from the set of The Cosby Show. the only place i can think to put it is in my room, but i'll have to write a disclaimer.
-2 boxes still unopened as of monday morning.

it's going to be a long day. good thing i live above a bar.

fan, not ashamed

2008-07-22T10:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I've found in the academic writing world there seems to be one thing missing- sports. I have rarely had a conversation with friends who are writing majors about sports, save my friend who runs a zillion miles a day. But even then, we only talk about track and field. They don't start a conversation about the amazing game on television the night before, the steroids scandal with that tool Roger Clemens, they don't even talk about the possibility of Michael Phelps breaking Mark Spitz's record for number of golds won at a single Olympics. It's as if sometimes, I should be thinking about more cerebral things than sports- that sports are only meant for overweight middle aged men and frat boys.

But I want to talk about sports. I want to have a beer and talk about the Celtics coming back from 24 down in Game 4 to eventually kick the crap out of Kobe, and I want to talk about it while still at the same time being "academic" and "smart". I think it's possible to talk about with others, but I just miss having someone around like my Dad who always knows what's going on the world of sports. And even though he might not catch a game, or even like to watch certain sports (i.e. tennis, which he deems merely a 'recreational event'), he still knows what's going on. Same with me. I like to keep myself updated on just about everything in the sports world, even baseball (sooooo boring). It's a problem. But also comforting.

I love sports. I am a sports fan.

There.

When I was growing up, my dream was to be a sportscaster for ESPN. I'd be the girl on the side of the field talking to Brett Favre before he walked into the tunnel at halftime of the Super Bowl, I would be the one holding the microphone while being soaked with champagne in the locker room of the Chicago Bulls after they won their 15th Championship (bear in mind when I was a kid), and I would finally get to hit balls with Pete Sampras (14 singles Championships...how the hell do you do that?). Unfortunately, I am neither a former amazing athlete that got a job at ESPN after my career is over, nor am I a busty blond. So I'm out. Also, I don't really have much affinity for Com majors. That dream eventually had to fall by the wayside.

I have sports heroes, even though I suck at sports. I care when I see a terrible injury on the field, and I cry when a see a touching montage when a sports figures career has finally come to a close. I was watching the ESPY awards on Sunday and I got misty three times. I don't think that is normal. I have favorite sports movie moments, my most favorite being the end of Rudy- you can't help but cry like a baby during that- and I know odd facts and figures about athletes that are long gone. I don't particularly know why I care. I just do.

Again, I am a sports fan. Maybe it's because of my father, but I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I like to memorize facts. I think it might just be because I love my emotions going up and down like all good sports fans do while waiting for the underdog to finally beat the giant (Nadal-Federer Wimbledon 08). Or watching the statements that can be made on the largest of stages (Tommie Smith-John Carlos raising the gloved fist on the 1968 Olympic podium). I don't know why I got to love sports the way I do, I just do. So my husband better be ready to attend football games, buy me tickets to the U.S. Open, and get his ass kicked in Trivial Pursuit. That might be asking too much, but that would be perfect. He better be ready for me to cry during sports movies.

And yes, I will be buying cable so I can watch the Olympics. There's nothing my brother can do about it.

unearthed opinions

2008-07-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

kay ryan is the new poet laureate, i read about her today in the times and liked her poems. so much so that i printed out one and pasted it on my desk at work. i actually got misty a little after finishing one.

that is not what this is about.

what this is about is my long dormant opinion that she and i both share, thus i can feel validated in my opinion. she's the poet laureate, after all.

i hate workshops. she also hates workshops. i hate the fact that "workshopping" is now an acceptable verb nowadays in writing classes. it's not a verb to me. i will now tell you why i believe this, and am beginning with a typical workshopping/peer review mindset:

walking into the class. i know that most people (slackers, not obsessive types like me, etc.) have not prepared a fully completed piece of their writing at all. they probably believe that this is not a time they need to have anything done, because they assume that others will want to rip apart their work and give them an entirely new idea to work with. mostly they just want help with grammar mistakes. their stuff is usually unfinished, which pisses me off- i managed my time well enough to get something decent written down, a complete piece so that you all can read it and give me advice that i won't use. but NOOOOO, they clearly don't understand that this was an assignment. so i'm angry there, and my general distaste for the class session only declines when i have to read an 8 page story about someone's completely forgettable high school swimming career. please, if someone could stab me in the eye with a pen that'd be great.

i hate workshops because the only opinion i really take into account much is the professor's. i have respect for him or her, and i will listen to them. they matter to me because they're smarter than me. much smarter than me. (sometimes i don't listen). so, i don't understand why i have to listen to our unremarkable high school swimmer-friend about how to structure my piece of writing. i am not going to pander to her needs, and i don't think i have to. there are people's opinions i care about, and i will work with those people in my own time. if i want.

i also don't enjoy reading other people's crap. i know they don't care as much as me and that makes me feel ripped off. i could've been writing my own stuff, but now i have to come up with a nice way to say on the back of their paper, "you should probably be a math major...this whole writing thing isn't your cup of tea." that takes a lot of effort. i usually have a smiley face drawn somewhere instead and say something like, "you're on the right track...keep going!" (must add exclamation point in order to make them believe my excitement about their crap).

if i do eventually get to the point of letting other people read my writing, i know that it doesn't suck. it might not be the best in the world, but i know that it's not terrible either. so i take people's criticism with a grain of salt. by the time someone reads my work i also care about it a lot, and am pretty firm in my ways. i'm not going to change my feelings just because someone doesn't like it. oh well, screw them.

mostly though, writing is too personal. i'm too invested to have someone i don't know, don't care about, or don't have respect for give me advice i'll actually use. writing is something to be worked out in your head first: sentences cried over, quotes chosen specifically, words placed and re-placed based on the way they rolled off your tongue. and if it doesn't work out, it's just me i have to worry about, not a grade. your writing should make you want to try something else, learn something new for yourself, not someone else. and when i'm finally done with at least a first draft, i'll let someone read it. until then, though, i'll stay in my own workshop and hide for a little while.

kay ryan was totally right: "It doesn't really matter if their opinions are respectable. I just think the writer has given up way too much inside. Let's not share. Really. Go off in your own direction way too far, get lost, test the metal of your work in your own acids. These are experiments you can perform down in that old kind of workshop where Dad used to hide out from far too many other people's claims on him."

so no, i won't like to workshop with you. you might like it, it might help you- go nuts. but me, i'll hang out here and get lost until i appear with something i like.

phantom

2008-07-12T18:33:00.001-07:00

some of you have been in my car, affectionately and bad-assly named "Blue Steel". he's great. pretty reliable, some dents here and there with stories attached. most of those dents, especially one on the roof, are attributed to joe undem, a childhood friend of my brother and i. quite a large boy, the guy stood 6'3" 260 at the age of 14 and he decided it would be a great idea to relax on top of the car. poor thing, the car's roof didn't stand a chance- now it's a little concave.

but i digress.

my father used to drive this car. in fact, every time the car comes up in conversation now he has to reply with, "that's a great car" or "man i wish i could drive that car again." sucka.

anywho, because this was my father's car there wasn't a whole lot of music blaring from it in its past. the guy likes music, that's no lie, but he's not the one who opens all the windows and sings harmonies at the top of his lungs on the freeway. no no. instead, the volume on his stereo never went above levels three or four and the cd player never played burned cds. he never needed them, i suppose. because of that, i think the soul of the car got stuck on that volume level. i didn't realize this until i inherited the car.

not only is the seat worn down like an old couch due to my father's girth, the soul of the car is a phantom. sometimes the volume on the radio would go up, sometimes it would go down, and most of the time it took about 15 minutes to get the volume to the highest possible. whenever i got it to level 4 i would try as i might to keep it there. i wouldn't dare brush my arm past the knob, wouldn't think about turning it down, and NEVER, NEVER would i turn it off. if i did, i would have to make sure that the knob went straight back, or else the next time i turned it on there would be nothing. this turned into a needless stressor in my life, and i hated having to explain to newbies to my car that no, you can't change the volume, and no, you can't play burned cds. terrible.

the worst part is when someone would come into the car and try turn the stereo down i would stop everything and yell NO!!!!!! -now that's just not the way to treat a guest.

today i got a new car stereo. and even though it wasn't lil' wayne, i blasted my music nonetheless. no dog and pony show this time. just regular old white-kid john mayer.

ahhh......

fireworks

2008-07-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

there i am, waiting for the ultimate fireworks of the year. all of the partying (which for me ended in physical disaster), the hooting and hollering, the millions of americans waiting for their moment to say, "hell yeah, go America!" is at hand.

the fireworks display on the fourth of july.

some people love the fireworks- they pre-funk the big city display with their illegal fireworks purchased on a reservation, they might even start a little bonfire on their porch (ask andy), and they give their small children sparklers- because what's better than children running? children running with something on fire.

but i have no bated breath this year, nor have i ever really had bated breath in regards to any fireworks display. i think i got it all out of my system when i went to disneyworld when i was 12. bum deal. and, to make the fireworks display all the worse and truly uneventful- you might even say painful- the organizers this year decided to pump up the patriotic volume by blaring the now classic and much hated american song, "proud to be an american." we've discussed my hatred for country music (see earlier post) and most of you already know that my idea of patriotism is writing about racism in america. not the most "put a boot in 'yer ass" to our "enemies," type of gal.

the only fireworks i like are the ones you can't see. the moment when you're watching the person you've just fallen in love with eat his or her eggs across the table from you, when you realize that there's nothing you want to do more than stay home all day with the same person and talk to them, kiss them, and watch a marathon of top chef. you want those fireworks to go off when you think, on paper, this person should be the one you start a relationship with. everything adds up- the brains, the lifestyle, the personality.

there are no fireworks, though.

some might say, "suck it up, this person's great for you and you're just too picky." others might say, "you're thinking with your gut and not giving this person a chance. see how it turns out." but then, oh then, someone comes and says the thing you wanted- the thing that validates your emotions. the fireworks inside of you telling you to run. "he just has a lot of life inertia. not a lot of spark," the brother tells you. and he's right. there really isn't any fireworks.

and you know what, sometimes you need fireworks in your life. just as long as there isn't an american song attached.

mostly, i am just...

2008-07-01T15:42:00.000-07:00

frustrated.

i rarely get frustrated, but my students today put me over the edge. there were good ones- the day started out swimmingly, talking about rhetorical analysis and what a commonplace is in an argument. i was excited. i was amped. then, my new favorite student, kendrick, came in and we talked about intercultural communication. we went through a whole chapter, i taught him a bunch of new words and concepts, and he appreciated what i did for him. i, like most people, enjoy being appreciated.

but sometimes this job is hard. athletes don't want to be in my office. they don't want to be tutored even though they know full well that i am able to help them. complaints and excuses come at me at every angle, and i'm getting a little frustrated by it. but mostly i'm frustrated because for the first time at this job, i've had to teach a white person comparative ethnic studies.

it's not that she's racist- not outwardly so. and it's also not that she doesn't understand the concepts. i could deal with her not understanding the idea of white privilege, or social identity, or something else. if that was the case, i would throw sweet books and articles at her, i would be the best damn teacher she ever had. no no.

she just doesn't care.

she did the age-old white person move when it comes to issues not directly relating to white people- "it's not like anything is going to change...i don't have the power to do anything about racism so there's no point in me caring." ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

that excuse for being ignorant, for choosing to not accept or even attempt to correct others in their stereotypes of others, is why racism happens. it's ignorant, and insulting to all people who are trying every day to open people's minds about issues beyond their little apartment. i felt like i was defending myself- and i pulled out all the stops. theorist after theorist, personal experience after personal experience. but she just gave me this look like she doesn't even want to hear what i'm saying. i just can't believe she doesn't see it. and that, on top of everything else going on in my life now, makes me frustrated.

in the words of my mother, "i just wanted to shake her."

delicate

2008-06-29T21:48:00.001-07:00

my blogging group was given this prompt- just "delicate".
immediately i started singing the damien rice song, "delicate," which i absolutely love. one of the main reasons i love the song is because i've ended up crying to it. in fact, i've ended up crying to a lot of songs. that usually leads me to saying or writing something stupid and solely emotionally driven to an ex-boyfriend or to someone who i might have at one time wanted to be my boyfriend. or maybe it just makes me think of really sad stuff. like being lonely. that's sad.
what i started thinking about though is that although i am not a big person, no one has ever described me as delicate. apparently physically i am not delicate. and i didn't used to be as emotionally delicate either. but now, i've embraced the fact that i have become emotionally delicate in certain situations with open arms. most days i shed a tear about something- whether it be a song, something i saw on tv, something i've read, or just the usual sad shit that happens in everyday life. i cry a few tears because i'm not afraid to, and mostly i'm just at home by myself. i don't bawl alone with enya in the background and patchouli candles blazing. just a few during extreme makeover home edition, no biggie. or during "tears in heaven." i believe it's impossible to not cry during that. trust me.

the restaurant

2008-06-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

finally it's time to unveil the greatest restaurant you might never eat at, mainly because i'm making it up. SWF 21.
this restaurant is not for the pretentious, and the food served might never win awards. but, it gets you from Starbucks trip to Starbucks trip, following the my mother's credo- "i don't live to eat. i eat to live."
the restaurant will be a trip into my world, with only a few items that stand out as staples of my diet. 5 ways to use a can of tuna, variations on quesadillas, and of course the single chicken breast. seasonings will be salt, pepper, and Johnny's Salad Elegance.
the walls would have hanging tapestries from vintage stores, with original framed black and white photos from places i've been, and the guests are invited to put their photos on there too. oh, and a bulletin board for anything. because every college house has some sort of bulletin board. and lots and lots of bookshelves. people will sit on the floor around a coffee table or around a folding card table (that's for joy).
for drinks, beer is served in plastic keg cups (red only) and while our bar has all types of alcohol, they're only mixed with OJ or Diet Coke. no exceptions. beer pong is optional, but customers have to bring their own table.
i choose the music.
as i got farther and farther along in this description a couple of days ago, my friend brought up a very good question, "who the hell would want to eat there, and why?" the answer, friends, is simple: atmosphere and cost.
every dish (including drink) will be $5. even with this ridiculously low price i'll still be making a profit because the ingredients are so cheap. the venue will be a renovated warehouse so there will be virtually no overhead. and quite frankly, i don't care about making a profit. also, i will be in a location where this type of environment is a novelty- i would never dare opening this in pullman because i could haphazardly pick a house on D Street and i would come upon the same thing. nonono. it's gotta be in a town with just a community college because this is the way for those getting ready to go to a 4 year or those who will never leave their hometown get a little bit of the college lifestyle. also, i feel i cater to the needs of middle aged folks yearning for a bit of the nostalgia of their college years. can't you see it- 4 middle aged women with their Sigma Kappa letters around my table. i love it.
and hell, it also is a good place for dieters too, because all the portions will be me-sized. it might help.
mostly though, i'd want to eat there because conversation will always be lively (due to the cheap drinks) and there won't be an obnoxious waitress named Kelly screaming at you about the jalapeno poppers. nothing is more of a buzzkill than that.

don't worry

2008-06-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

i just joined a blogging group. check it out on the right hand side of the page. we have prompts that are usually thought provoking. i promise i'll post sometime about the restaurant. i've already discussed my idea with a friend and she agrees. if you want, you can use their blog prompts too. joy, tell james to write about that. it seems like he has nothing on his blog to write about.

knowingly impulsive

2008-06-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

there are few things in life that i impulsively do on a regular basis. i know this concept seems like an oxymoron, but let me clarify. impulses on a regular and cautious basis are what i like to do, especially when it comes to money. yes, i spend money, we all spend money. but i usually spend it on other people, specifically buying them drinks or dinner. all of the "fun money" is usually reserved for other people. it is a rare occurence that i walk into a store with the specific purpose of buying something for myself- it's not as though i'm trying to tout myself as the "ultimate giver", but it has been engrained in me for a long time that "we" (assuming my family) just don't spend money on ourselves for fun. my dad doesn't ever buy anything, and only recently has my mother grasped onto the concept of buying things because she wants them.
there are also things that were basically forbidden to buy in my household growing up, as they were deemed a waste of money- most notably DVD's and magazines. little things like nail polish were also cautioned against, as the satisfaction from it is transient at best.
but magazines. that is really my only true impulse buy. once every 2 or 3 months i just buy one. i know that it is basically a waste of five dollars. for many people magazines are something that you read at the bookstore to pass the time- i usually thumb through one while i'm eating a bagel at the bookie and put it back on the shelf for those weaker-willed to be sucked into its glossy pages. i regularly stand my ground. yesterday i gave into to my impulse. you know why? -Andy Roddick.
i will forever have a weak place in my heart for that 6'2" 195-pound beauty of a tennis player, and when i saw his blue eyes and perfectly chiseled jaw on the cover of Outside magazine i couldn't help it. i read his article and meant to put it back- i did. but then i got sucked into a segment written by ben harper, then another about this writer who trained for a triathlon. so i bought it. i also did the core exercise routine written in there yesterday too, so i therefore deem it a worthwhile purchase. i read most of it yesterday, and plan on reading the rest when i'm sick of language diversity (for those of you who don't know, my thesis topic). i took it home in my bag and a sense of joy came across my face as i set it down on my coffee table. now there is something there to read if a stranger stops by. lovely.
now i just have to decide what my impulse will be next.

gone

2008-06-09T15:37:00.000-07:00

this is the first summer of my life where i have the opportunity to leave home. just get up and roll out of town. so i do. for the past few weeks i've left the palouse and done some adventuring. some with brelin in seattle, some in the tri, and then some in the couer d'alene area. and, i won't be in town the next three weekends either. i'll be gone.
for me though, being gone is a pretty nice thing. i get a little stir crazy when i have to stay in one place for a long time. i like to spread myself thin, get done doing laundry from the trip before just in time to pack it in my backpack and go somewhere else. what happens, though, is that i leave. and everyone else stays. i've been missing those people that used to make up my every day in pullman. i miss knowing who i was going to sit by in my rhetoric classes (always daniel schafer for four semesters in a row) and i also miss getting my latte every morning from the bookie barista that i have a secret crush on. (oh damn, guess it's not so secret anymore). i continually toe the line between a creature of habit and a frenzied being who can't sit still. maybe that's why my father rocks so much in that damn recliner. hmmm...
those friends though. in my mind they always stay. those friends that you forget about here. they stay, and you think they're going to stay forever. but they leave. it just happened to me.
i showed up at my apartment and erica's stuff was off the walls and gone from the kitchen. no whale painting. no kitchen gadgets. no canadian flag. all in boxes and all taken down. an overwhelming sense of sadness came over me and something like loneliness sunk in for a moment. soon she will leave my apartment and i will be alone in that place for a little while. she will be gone and i will be the one to stay. i never stay. i wonder what it will be like. it's like that part of Close Encounters of the Third Kind with the big pile of potatoes- "This MEANS something!" i think this moment just might mean something.

killed

2008-05-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

i can honestly say, sometimes during the slow month of may around the athletic department it is difficult to see any sort of measureable outcomes. i am a woman of measureable outcomes. i like to see the grade on my paper in red pen (even though my friend a sociology grad student said that it's bad for the psyche to see red on your work), i like to see my calves starting to appear after a few weeks of working out, i like to see a spreadsheet done. and, i like getting a paycheck in the mail.
but as far as teaching goes, sometimes it takes a long time to see if a student understood a concept, or if in fact all of your work has been in vain. sometimes, when no one's around, i wonder if i am doing anything worthwhile around here (which i feel is a question that everyone asks themselves at one point or another in their life). and sometimes, the day seems wasted because i get all of the administrative stuff done in about twenty minutes. that stuff is not difficult.
for the past three days, though, work has been fulfilling. my history of jazz student just left to take his final, and although he still doesn't like jazz at all he's actually remembering who john coltrane is and what instrument he played- a measureable outcome. also, my russian tennis player is able to write relatively complete sentences about the flu epidemic of 1918. outcome two. and, i was able to draw a really sweet diagram of a house that represented the function of ideology and the colonization process for my african american history student. i haven't erased it from the board. he understood. outcome three.
more than anything though, i managed to kill a purple dry-erase marker in the span of two days. that might be the most tangible result of my work in a long time.

i told you.

2008-05-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

sitting in my desk sending an email to someone (as usual) a poor golfer comes into the office and says, "there's a bird in there and it just landed on my head."
anna goes, "was it a black and white bird? because in the weight room all day they've been trying to get a bird out of there- the cops came and some weird bird specialist. either way, it's pretty crazy down there."
to which i reply, "special ops for birds."
the poor golfer, who is also failing accounting 231 (no surprise) has to deal with a freakin bird attacking his head while he's trying to study. as i was walking out of the office we had trapped it in the computer lab, and all i saw was my co-worker danny's limbs failing.
wanna know what kind of bird it was?
A F-ING (for brelin) MAGPIE.
i rest my case.

tolerate

2008-05-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

In no particular order, 5 things that i merely tolerate and in no way find joy:
-magpies. they are obnoxious birds on the whole. for nostalgia purposes i feel like i should like them because it was one of the many nicknames of my childhood best friend maggi crow. but no. they like to hang out in the trees outside my apartment and they attacked/frightened my roommate. i must stand by her in her anger at the animal.
-fake grape flavored things of all varieties. yes, if someone gives me a laffy taffy that is grape, i will eat it. mostly because i love taffy. and the rap song, "laffy taffy" also has nostalgic purposes. fake grape things conjure up a childhood spent taking grape dimetapp whenever i was sick, and even though i know candy doesn't taste like it at all i will avoid it. grape juice only consumed at communion when no other options are given.
-smoking in bars. tolerate only due to the fact that it is generally cheaper to drink in moscow and there are usually sweet bands playing. also, sometimes people want to smoke and i will let them.
-punk rock. i would never choose to listen to it, but it is far better than my massive hatred of country music. that though, is another blog. many of my friends really like punk music, and andy went through a loud/smelly/angry/terrible musician phase that involved being "punk." it never went to the point (because my parents wouldn't allow it) of dyed mohawks. it merely stopped at failing to wash his clothes for weeks at a time and having a "spit-corner" in his room while the "band" (i use that term loosely) would "rehearse." pitiful.
-cats. some people are cat people. i am not. there is nothing pleasurable about getting fur all over your clothes for the once-in-a-blue-moon comfort of a cat. they scratch, they bite, they seem to be quite mean, and serve no purpose: they can't fetch. my toleration of cats is illustrated most lovingly in my friends kasey and cori's cat, hudson. it is the mangiest cat i've ever seen and i took a page from dwight schrute and renamed him "garbage." that is the most fitting name for all cats, i believe. or possiblly klepto, short for kleptomaniacal kitten. it is fabulous alliteration.

whore

2008-05-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

one of the students at work needed a tutor for music 362, which i knew was the history of rock and roll. a relatively simple class, and i knew just the person to tutor it. a couple of emails later and appointment was scheduled- that's how easy my job is sometimes. yesterday was their first meeting in my office, with me behind my womb-like cubicle so i could spy on them while they were working. the session began with the tutor, "so, how far have you gotten to in the book?"
student: "the last thing we talked about today was billie holiday."
tutor: "have you started talking about the British Invasion yet?"
"uhh, no....wait, are you tutoring the History of Jazz?"
"no...the History of Rock and Roll."
my brain: DAMMIT. History of Rock and Roll is Music 262, not 362. i am a tool.
i pop out from my cubicle and go, "crap, i'm sorry guys. totally my bad...i guess i'll have to pinch hit."
so, the tutor leaves and i'm left to fumble through the study guide for the midterm with this super high-risk student as i speed read the book to try and help. the hour ends and he promises come in before friday so we can work on the study guide when i know what i'm talking about.
i leave work feeling like an idiot and bent on success in teaching this course to him. so, i sit myself down at the coffee shop and learn the first five chapters (half the course) of the History of Jazz in two hours. i write illegibly, i learn so many new things that eventually i get to the point where every five minutes i go up to andy and say, "i have something new! did you know that billie holiday only had a one and a half octave range?!" i am tired but thrilled that i can learn this much in so little a time...i want to keep going but am getting fatigued and i finally quit when i stop being able to write things down legibly for me.
eventually after the fifth or sixth "did you know?" outburst andy goes, "you know what you are right now?... A KNOWLEDGE WHORE."
he is correct i think, and there is nothing wrong with that. now back to jazz.

creepin

2008-05-12T16:30:00.001-07:00

i am 21, so i've now decided i don't really like bars. they're pretty skeezy, mostly smell bad (especially in idaho where you can still smoke in them), and expensive.
also, there are creeps in bars. it's like, "let's put all of the socially awkward people in a room with loud music and alcohol." contextually it's a disaster from the start. and then, people buy me drinks and i make mistakes. it's a sad commentary that i can't go into a bar by myself for fear that i'll be creeped out, so i'd much rather go to a restaurant and order a glass of wine.
which is exactly what andy and i did yesterday in order to placate the alcohol withdrawal i am still currently experiencing. the worst part about the restaurant we went to, though, was that the waiter creeped me out.
damn.

hitting rocks

2008-05-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

i am done with school, and i don't know quite what to do with myself. work is easy and rather boring because there aren't a whole lot of people who need my help on only the first day of the semester. all the idaho peeps are working on finals.
i'm antsy, agitated, and irritable.
there are other nagging issues involving men, but that's just a waste of time and adding to my agitation.
i just want to hit rocks with sticks.
yesterday, because it was freakin gorgeous outside a few friends and i drove to the snake river where they usually practice rowing and we laid on the dock for a good hour and a half i'd say. well, they laid the whole time. i had to hit rocks.
one of the girls' boyfriends obviously did not do well with just laying around and needed an activity. the two went off for a while and walked around and when they returned they reported the guy tried to hit rocks in the river with a stick but wasn't very good. instinctively then, i shot up from my sunbathing position and yelled, "i love that shit!!" (eloquent, i know). it was great. i procured a sweet stick-bat after some searching and climbing trepidously on the sharp rocks and i'd say that my friends boyfriend and i hit rocks in the river for a good 45 minutes. it was the best thing ever. the healthiest way to deal with stress as you are focused on something else besides yourself, and it also reminds me of some great memories of this summer at Shoshone. either way, i need to hit rocks sometimes- i just forget about it.
my back muscles are sore from it today, and i have a blister on my hands from the stick. but it's worth it.
and, to make it all better, i was way better at it than the stupid boy.

Better Safe

2008-04-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

At this point in my academic career, it is safe to say that I know MLA format like the back of my hand. When a student comes into my office and asks how to do their Works Cited page for a paper, I go to the whiteboard with confidence in my citation skills. Sometimes though, I second guess myself- like the other day.
The good news is a couple years back I had to get a book that has citation styles for MLA, Chicago, and APA (score), so all I had to do was walk across the room and grab it off my shelf. I haven't used it in close to a year, it's just been moved from shelf to shelf. When I picked it up this time, though, I found a glaringly green sticky note on it that said in my handwriting, "Better safe than sorry-" I could only assume that I wrote it in a moment when I was trying to decide what to do with it when I was moving, deciding eventually that it would be a good idea to take it "just in case."
That phrase though has been rolling around in my brain ever since I saw that note to myself. Yes, while things like that book, good friends, a stable (relatively) bank account, makes sure that I always have a safety net for my life, sometimes you can't be safe. It's just not possible. You can prepare all you want, be cautious down to the last penny, but sometimes life gives you shit that even the most pious and well prepared people can't handle.
I was talking to my mother (once again, the keeper of much wisdom) about the theology going around these days that if you do the right things, if you just have enough FAITH (whatever that looks like) good things will come to you. After we both agreed that was complete crap, my mom, while walking into the Onion on the North Side of Spokane said, "Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that your agenda and God's agenda don't work out. And God's not punishing you for not being faithful enough, not at all. My daughter will never be well. And that sucks. What can happen though is we can continue living our lives and hope that she has a long and happy life in whatever situation her health is. You can't be angry or mad at yourself because that will get you nowhere. It just happened."
Sometimes we can never be safe enough. I can write as many sticky notes as I want, pray as hard as I can, but life happens. Brelin is sick in the context of everyone else's standards. (Even though she might say she's feeling better this day or that day.) But that doesn't mean I'm allowed to be pissed, or sad, or depressed forever. Prepare, but don't count on much of anything.
It is nice, though, to have that book.

Moderation

2008-04-16T23:17:00.000-07:00

I have wanted knee-high black leather high heeled boots for I would say a better part of 7 years. Over a third of my life, then, has been spent pining/hunting for the perfect pair of black boots.
I found them.
My mom was in town this last weekend and there was a ridiculously giant sale at Macy's on shoes. Not a little sale, mind you. They took all their shoes from last season, found an abandoned space in the mall and set up tables and tables of shoes. I see the sign: "EVERY SHOE 19.99." No fucking way. My mother, being the skeptic as she is, couldn't possibly believe that EVERY shoe could be 19.99, so when I picked up the boots she said, "Those are not shoes, they are boots." Of course when I asked the man putting Nine West pumps onto a shabby card table three pairs at a time if the boots really were 19.99 he replied dolefully, "Yes....every shoe."
I decided to try on the boots.
But I must preface.
The reason I have never been able to buy black boots is not because I've never had enough money, nonono. I simply have not been able to fit into them- my calves have always been just a touch too big. Invariably the zipper on every boot I ever tried on would get about halfway up the calf (the part where there isn't any muscle) and then would get stuck. I tried to suck my calf in, point my toes so as to change the length of the muscle, but always ended up feeling worse about my life because my calves were too muscle-y. And my calf ended up looking like a busty woman spilling out of a corset made for Paris Hilton. My attempts never worked: until this time.
So yes, the boots I bought on super-sale "fit". Sometimes I have the urge to suck the calves in, and the boots are pretty much vacuum sealed onto the Cougar Calves. But they fit, dammit. And I look hot.
I decided today would be a great day to wear the boots. It's cold, I was doing a reading in front of people for my Creative Writing class, and I wore cute charcoal gray trousers. The boots were perfect in every way for the first 6 hours of wearing them. The last 4 didn't go quite as well.
Home now, I still have the feeling on the bottom of my foot that I've been dancing for 10 hours. The balls of my feet are also swollen. SWOLLEN. I didn't realize it was possible.
As Lewis mentioned to me, though, after a certain amount of time things just need to end. Moderation really is the key, I guess.
I'm still learning.